Maybe Today

 

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There was a time

When I would hit my knees and pray

 

Thanking God you were mine

But that was before He took you away

 

I was upset, no, I was angry

Eyes sewn shut

 

No light could get in

I never thought to look up

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Running in circles

Can’t catch my breath

 

Don’t want to live

I would prefer death

I am out of tears

I scream and shout

 

I don’t want to grab the hand

I can see reaching out

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It never occurred to me

That I was on the wrong side

 

Until through a single crack

Appeared a slither of light

 

A feeling I can’t explain

A weight lifted off my chest

 

I could suddenly breathe again

A time to heal, a time to rest

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All the hurt and pain diminished

Understanding the tears I cried

 

Then a voice, I understand your pain

For my own son died

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Spinning by Disciple- 

Pull The Plug by I Prevail- 

On My Way  by Hayden Panettiere- 

Keep Your Eyes on Me by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill – 

The Wound Is Where The Light Gets In by Jason Gray – 

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No Valentine’s Day

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There will be no Valentine’s Day today

For those whose life you took away

I’ve been at a loss on what to say

How could you be so void of love?

Why would you kill those here to protect us?

Prison time for you is just not enough

A 911 call and they went running

They had no idea what was coming

A knock on the door and you started gunning

You have a history of being a crook

Did your multiple times, then off the hook

But that’s no excuse for the lives you took

You’ve left children without a dad

Wives, trying to be strong when they are sad

It breaks my heart, I am more than mad

Your senseless act of violence

Now there is nothing but silence

But I pray they find God in the quietness

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I wish I could say tomorrow they will be alright

I wish I could say tomorrow the sun will shine bright

I just pray they know our love will surround them tonight

So many lives were changed that day

I pray for strength for the families to make it through today

I pray that  God will show them the way

I pray our community will be stronger

I pray that hate will be no longer

I pray we will remember these heroes of honor

They were husbands, fathers, and friends

Someday, maybe someday, our hearts will mend

Tomorrow their brothers will answer the call again

Today, thank a policeman, who willingly puts his/her life on the line

Today, thank all first responders as they do a lot more than just fight crime

Today, pray for the families whose loved ones won’t be coming home this time

We see it all over America, seven times this past week alone a police officer killed in the line of duty. As a reporter said, it feels completely different when it happens in your neighborhood. I will second that. Westerville has a strong police presence. Everywhere I go, it seems like I see a police officer. I tend to take it for granted. I cannot, we cannot, take them for granted anymore.

Thank you for being at our schools, protecting our children.

Thank you for being at the library I visit so often.

Thank you for being at our church, protecting our congregation.

Thank you for patrolling our streets,  protecting our families and our neighbors.

We do not show it enough but know that you are loved, respected, and appreciated.

Thank you for keeping us safe. Thank you for sacrificing your lives everyday. Thank you to your families.

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Heal (Find A Way) by Brian Courtney Wilson- 

Officer Down by Hannah Ellis – 

You Still Put The Uniform On by Holly Cahill- 

Hold The Light by Dierks Bentley – 

Last Call by Dave Bray – 

Even Then by Micah Tyler- 

Shelter by Carrollton-  

Sleeping In The Stars by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill-  

If I Had Only Known by Reba McEntire –  

I Miss You Daddy –  

This Is Going To Hurt

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I ran.

As soon as he took a step towards me, I ran.

I can’t tell you how far or how long I ran.  I am willing to bet my last dollar it was farther and longer than I thought was possible.

I stopped to catch my breath and two questions popped into my head. What did I do for him to be here? Why was he following me?

I started to run again. In between my breaths, I heard the roar of rushing water below. It was in that moment I knew I took the wrong path.

I had three choices. Two of them would surely end in death. I could jump off the cliff into the cold rushing water. Death. I could stand there and do nothing and let him catch me. Death.

Since the first two choices would end in death, I had one choice left.

I had to escape.

Come on, come on.  THINK!! I looked around, evaluating my options. Looking for another way. Time was running out. I could hear him coming.

I threw a rock over the cliff into the water. Hoping he thought I jumped. Then I looked at my only option left. The thickest thorn bush I had ever seen.

This is going to hurt.

I jumped in.

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I tried quieting my breathing. I tried curling up into a small ball. I tried wishing that the moon wasn’t full. But it was.

I heard his footsteps. Getting closer. And closer. How did I get here?

I remember the day it happened. One year ago. One year ago today to be exact. I was in one of my “seasons,” as I like to call them. Nothing was going right. I was sinking into the quicksand I called depression. I was spiraling out of control. Failure was coming and I couldn’t stop it. Shame and guilt knocked on my door and I not only answered, I let them in.

Have you ever done something and one second after you did it you said what did I just do? I am so stupid. Why did I do that? I just let everyone I know down and I know they could never forgive me. I couldn’t even forgive myself so how could they?

I had to keep what I had done a secret. NO MATTER WHAT!! The truth would kill them, therefore killing me. Since I was already dead, there was no need to kill them. So I kept it to myself.

I sank further into my guilt and shame. I withdrew from everyone. Oh, I still had a killer smile and was wittingly charming. I could get by. I faked a lot of happiness. Inside, I cried a lot of tears. I was rotting inside and I knew they could smell it. I knew they knew I was a fake. But they never said anything.

Maybe I was better at hiding it than I thought. Then I started thinking, I am such a good liar. Which led to more guilt and shame. Which led to him.

At first, I didn’t pay much attention. I would see him at the gas station or maybe at the store. You know the feeling you get when you think someone is watching you. I would get that and look up and he would be looking at me. He wouldn’t look away. I got chills down my spine. What a creep, I thought.

Through the first few months, I would seem him every couple of weeks. As the year progressed, I would see him more and more. Recently, as I was falling apart and my lies were catching up to me, as my guilt and shame were eating at me, I was seeing him every day.

EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME.

NEVER LOOKING AWAY.

I finally was getting the courage to approach him and ask him what his deal is. That’s when he took the first step to me. I froze. Then, I ran.

I ran and here I am. In this thorn bush. Scratched and bleeding. Dying inside. Hiding from a man who wouldn’t quit following me.

As smart as I thought I was by throwing the rock into the water, he was smarter. As quiet as I thought I was being, he could still hear me. As dark as I thought my hiding place was, he still found me.

I, for the first time, took a good look at him. I mean, a really good look. I wanted to know who was going to end my days. That’s when I saw the crown of thorns around his head. He didn’t say a word. He just reached his hand down and by the light of the moon, I saw the scars on his. A sudden peace came over me and for some unknown reason, I reached out and took his hand.

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The thorns parted as he pulled me up. My bleeding wounds stopped bleeding. It was like a giant boulder was taken off my shoulders.

“I forgive you.” In those three words that he said my heart changed. It was like clean air was poured into my dirty lungs. Tears of guilt were replaced with tears of joy.

I walked back home, with him by my side. I knew it may be a long road to recovery, but I knew I had to tell them. I knew they had to know the truth. I could not keep living with this.

I also knew with him there was no condemnation, no guilt, no shame. I had to believe that they would forgive me also. I had to hope and pray for a better future. No matter what happens, I knew I had to continue to walk with him, not run away from him.

I took a deep breath and walked into the house. I knew we would be okay. I knew that I would be a better man. I knew they would forgive me. I knew we would survive the lies. Even so, I knew this was going to hurt.

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Never Stopped Loving by Jeremy Camp- 

Grace Will Lead Me Home by David Dunn – 

Fear Is A Liar by Zach Williams – 

He Still Does Miracles by Hawk Nelson – 

Worth It by Lecrae- 

You Waited by Travis Greene- 

Always Faithful by Ashes Remain – 

Thunder In My Heart

 

There is thunder in my heart

This is gonna leave a scar

There is lightning in my veins

Your lies drive me insane


 

My heart is turning to stone

I shake my head, I should’ve known

My blood is turning to ice

No more playing nice

You thought I would never leave

Your words I no longer believe

You thought you could use me and abuse

You ask me how can I accuse?

I’ve got proof I read your texts

You ask me to stay, there won’t be a next

I  read all  your email

You’ve already lost, you fail


 

Thunder rolled, a voice rumbled

A step back. I started to stumble

Electricity in the air

His words were there

“LET HER GO, GIVE HER TO ME”

The voice rumbled,  “JUST BELIEVE”

“I’m done,” said my heart of stone

I yelled back, “I’m better being alone”

“You are never alone,” the voice said

“I was  on the cross, For this I bled”

The thunder in my heart started to slow

The lightning in my veins  stopped its flow


 

God worked a miracle

The invisible became visible

He did something I couldn’t do

He can do the same for you

If there is thunder in your heart

You know where to start

If there is lightning in your veins

Through it all God’s love remains

 

 

 

Storm In My Heart by Colin Hay – 

My Darkest Hour by Thunder – 

Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks – 

Fall Apart by Every Avenue – 

I Don’t Care by Apocalyptica – 

Breaking Me Down by Escape The Fate – 

Breakin Free by Tesla – 

In It For Life by Sick Puppies – 

Prophet Song/ God Speaks by Martin Smith – 

Fall On Your Knees by David Crowder Band – 

Need You Now by Plumb – 

Head In The Fight by Sanctus Real – 

Don’t Cry Forever by Pillar – 

Broken Together by Casting Crowns – 

Thunder Road by NewSong – 

The Sun Doesn’t Always Come Out Tomorrow

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Feeling lost at school and feeling ignored at home

Surrounded by people but feeling all alone

I think I’m tired of fighting the fight

I’m ready to leave this life tonight

There’s nothing here as far as I can see

I wonder if anyone will even miss me

Meanwhile two blocks away

Stacy winds up another day

She remembers him and when they were so close

But lately he seems distant,  disappeared like a ghost

I’ll call him tomorrow to just say hi

She doesn’t know he’s ending his life tonight

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Meanwhile two rooms away his parents talk

About how they might go take a walk

Should they go back to his room

They joke how it seems like a tomb

They remember how he laughed not long ago

Would they have tried harder if they had known?

Meanwhile two key strokes away

More of the kids in school type away

Making jokes and calling him names

Doesn’t he know he’s so lame

They wish he would go away and die

Tomorrow they will cry and wonder why

He thinks of how his life will end

Too many torn pieces to try to mend

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His phone rings “hey how are you doing”

It’s Stacy asking how things are going

I was going to call you tomorrow but why wait

She didn’t  know that tomorrow would’ve been one day too late

A knock on his door and mom says let’s leave

We are all going to go get some ice cream

No ifs ands or buts, you’re going

If they only knew what he thought of doing

His screen beeps and Scott starts to fight

What you guys say is wrong, it isn’t right

How about saying something positive

And he starts to think he might want to live

He gets off his bed and starts to head out the door

That’s when his bible fell onto the floor

A verse about you will have pain, suffering and sorrow

Then the Air1 verse of the day says hope in tomorrow

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Then his youth pastor sent a text to see if he was okay

He sent back looks like I’ll make it through another day

Is there someone that you know

That thinks the sun won’t come up tomorrow

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One Day Too Late by Skillet  – 

I Can’t Breathe by Bea Miller – 

The Call by Matt Kennon – 

Beautiful by MercyMe – 

Hard Love by NeedToBreathe- 

Hope by Ryan Calhoun – 

My Friends by Oh Wonder – 

Hope by Superchick-  

Hope For The Hopeless by Papa Roach – 

Remain by Royal Tailor – 

Not Today by Hillsong United – 

Be Still And Know by Hannah Kerr – 

How Do You Get That Lonely by Blaine Larsen – 

Storm Inside Of You by Veronica Ballestrini- 

I Want To Live by Skillet – 

Broken by Lifehouse – 

She Doesn’t 

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She doesn’t step on a crack

Afraid it’ll break her mother’s back

She doesn’t open an umbrella in the house

Doesn’t need more bad luck than she has now

She doesn’t make any funny faces

Afraid it’ll get stuck that way

She doesn’t walk in a black cat’s path

She’ll turn around, walk all the way back

She doesn’t walk under a ladder

She doesn’t think she can be any sadder

She doesn’t believe her wishes will come true

But she’ll throw a penny in a wishing well, sometimes two

 

She doesn’t care if others think she is deceived

She carries around a four leaf clover and some rabbits feet

She doesn’t cross her fingers or knock on wood

Seen so much bad she doesn’t believe in good

She doesn’t smile very much

Does her best not to judge

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She doesn’t know about the man who died to save her

I saw her one day and told her about her maker

She didn’t want to hear any part

I prayer for her, prayed for her heart

A few weeks passed until I saw her again

She didn’t want to hear about Jesus, my friend

I asked her if we could just talk

She agreed and we started to walk

We talked about little things, like our jobs and the weather

She seemed to enjoy our walks together

She doesn’t trust most of those she meets

She slowly let her walls down over the weeks

I told her how I was once like her

Then someone told me about our savior

It wasn’t much longer until she said she wanted to hear more

More about this man I had mentioned before

I told of the words I knew

Gave her a Bible so she could read too

She doesn’t live like she did

She has a new way to live

She doesn’t believe in all that superstition

She has taken a new direction, a new mission

She doesn’t care about her past mistakes

She doesn’t remember her heartbreaks

She doesn’t live like she’s unloved

She knows she’s forgiven, she knows of grace from above

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Dmitri’s Song (Jesus Is Alive) by Todd Smith – 

Tell Somebody by Unspoken – 

Learning To Be Found by Jason Gray – 

I’ve Seen What He Can Do by Aaron and Amanda Crabb – 

What I Know by Tricia Brock – 

Echo by Blanca – 

 

Bruises And Scars

 

The bruises are gone but the scars remain

She will never look at you the same

You were supposed to be her protector

You were never meant to neglect her

What were you thinking ?

Do you blame it on your drinking?

That’s no excuse , that doesn’t make you a man

Tell me where do you stand?

You think those words won’t leave a mark

Man those go straight to her heart

They leave a scar only she and God can see

Why don’t you just let her go free

Let her learn to spread her wings

Let her learn how much beauty she brings

Would you want your daughter treated like that?

Always flinching, always watching her back

Man, why can’t you understand?

She was made from God’s own hand

If you keep treating her like that

I know where you will spend eternity at

Daughter, I know you want to scream and shout

On your knees, your prayers, He hears, that I never doubt

Don’t despair

Know someone cares

Daughter, I pray no matter what you go through tonight

You’ll remember the scars Jesus bears so you know there is a light

When the bruises are gone and the scars remain

Daughter I want you to know that He knows your name

He knows your name, He knows your name, He knows your name

October is officially domestic violence month but we don’t hear about it. All we hear in October is breast cancer, a worthy cause to fight also and one that needs to be fought daily as well. We don’t see any football teams wearing purple. It simply isn’t talked about.  Domestic violence is something we need to look at every day, because every day someone you know is the victim of it.  One in three women, one in four men are victims. One of of every fifteen  children are exposed to domestic violence and 90% of these children witness domestic violence a year. Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness in the United States.  Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.

These are reported.  Most domestic violence incidents are NEVER reported.  Speak up, speak out, and make a difference for victims of domestic violence. The time is now to change these facts.

Silenced my Mersi Stone – 

Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – 

Alyssa Lies by Jason Michael Carroll –  

The Door by JJ Essen – 

Leaving You Behind by Emii – 

Lies and Bruises by Ryan Daniel – 

Luka by Suzanne Vega – 

No More by Kuzie James – 

Voices Carry by Til Tuesday – 

Broken Girl by Matthew West – 

Beautiful by MercyMe – 

God’s Daughter by Son of Adam – 

I Believe You Domestic Abuse and Faith Community –

He Knows My Name by The McRaes – 

He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli –