True Story- A Testimony

It’s been a rough 18 months. There was a two-three month period in that 18 months that I lost myself. For the first time in my life someone made me feel as if I wasn’t enough, that I was worthless. I walked away from most of what I believed in and gave up on the rest.

I will be the first to admit that I let anger and everything that goes with betrayal get the best of me. Even counseling did not seem to help.

Even though I felt like I knew the truth, I was still being lied to , which was causing more anxiety and hate and frustration and arguments. and taking me farther away from the man I am. I do not understand why people can not tell the truth. I would rather have a truth that hurts than a lie to make me feel better or question my own intuition. At least once the truth is out there, you can start to heal.

Then one night a couple months ago I had a dream. I can still remember every detail to this day. And when I’m having a bad thought or feel anger taking control again, the images in this dream come to my mind and I give it all away again.

I will admit after the dream, I had three really good weeks then three really bad days but ever since then, I am a different man.

Only one person gets the credit and that is Jesus.

Here is the dream I had.

I was driving along a road that was going up a hill or mountain. The road did not look familiar to me. I remember I was the only one on the road and to the left of me was a deep valley.

As I was driving in the middle of the day, the sky suddenly became like a sunset. Oranges and reds and pinks. Picture the most beautiful sunset you have ever seen and multiply that by a hundred.

Then the sky parted and a man came down out of the sky. I can only assume it was Jesus.

I stopped my car and got out. I started walking toward him.

He approached me and put his hands on my shoulders. He told me it was time to let it go. Give all the anger and disappointment and anxiety and everything that came with the betrayal to him.

Tears started coming to my eyes.

But I wasn’t letting go.

Then he repeated what he said.

Give it to me. It’s time to let it go.

Then he took his hands off my shoulders and ascended back toward the clouds.

Before he got there he turned around and reached out his hands and told me he had it all now. To keep giving it to him. It’s not my burden to bear any longer. To live the way he intended me to live. To love and not hate.

Then, probably because he knows me so well, he once again said I have it all. Let it go.

The he disappeared into the clouds and the sky turned the brightest blue I have even seen.

Then I woke up and had tears streaming down my face.

And all I can say is in the seven weeks since my three day relapse, I have been a different man.

My anxiety and hurt and anger has for the most part have gone away. And when it surfaces, it is immediately replaced with visions from my dream.

Does that mean my marriage is saved? No, not at all. But what it means is I don’t have to live with the hurt and betrayal and anger.

I can still love. I can still know that I am enough. I can still know that life is worth living. I can still know that I am okay. I can still know that I am loved.

We all have been given the ability to bless and not curse, to love and not hate, to give and not take. We only have to remember we have a helper to show us the way.

So do I believe God is real? There is no way I could ever doubt it.

Then Came Christ by MercyMe-

Remember by Lauren Daigle-

Believer by Rhett Walker-

Ain’t Nobody by Cody Carnes-

10 thoughts on “True Story- A Testimony

  1. Steph

    I am so happy to see you get to this point!! There is only one person that can heal us, help us and love us like no other. It is Jesus and God the Father!! Always put your trust in them!!

    Liked by 1 person

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