I Do Not Fight Alone

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Society wants me to conform. I will not conform.

I have had enough. I could not take It anymore. I had tried and tried but no one would go with me. If no one will go with me, I will do it alone.

I don’t see things any differently than anyone else. They all see the world is falling apart. The difference is I couldn’t sit still and watch it get worse. I couldn’t stay quiet and let the evil keep talking.

You know what they say, there is no God, he isnt here, he doesnt care. If there was a God then why….If there was a God then where was he when….

Well, didn’t we ask him to leave? We took him out of schools, court,  any kind of gathering. We let the minority rule. If one person doesn’t like it then no one can enjoy it. It’s no wonder suicides have increased, opioid epidemic, mass shootings, over the counter meds for anxiety,  divorce.

Nothing is sacred anymore.

I left to face the demons on my own. It wasn’t long before they had gathered to defeat me.

I drew my sword and drew a line in the sand.

I said,  “If you are not a believer, you can not cross this line.”

The demons smiled at me as they approached the line. “My dearest friend, do you not know, even we demons believe.”

The demons crossed the line and I took a step back. The demons drooled and laughed. “So, friend , you do fear us.”

To their surprise, I then took a step forward with a smile on my face.

“I am not your friend.”

I knew what they did not. The demons hesitated for a second but that’s all I needed.

I drew my sword but it was only for a diversion. The demons attacked.

The demons were so consumed with me that they didn’t notice the warrior angels that had surrounded them.

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Walk On Water by 30 Seconds To Mars-  

What It Comes Down To Me Is Me by Mark Bishop- 

Fight Forever by Anthem Lights – 

Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)  by Chris Tomlin – 

Fighting For Us by Michael Farren – 

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Finish Your Story

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I read through the pages of your book

I get to know you and your every look

I’ve stumbled upon a terrible chapter

One that’s full of hurt and disasters

Some have chosen not to continue to read

They closed the book in your time of need

But I read each and every word

My eyes teared up and the pages blurred

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With each page I prayed you would make it through

Even at your darkest I knew there was a light in you

Another word, another sentence, another paragraph, another page

I couldn’t stop reading because I knew you would find your faith

I was at the end of the chapter and started the next

You made it through the worst but still weren’t at your best

But as I promised I continued to read

I will hold your hand when you are in need

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You are not alone and the next chapter could be amazing

Thanking God for the trials, his name we will be praising

Right now, I need you to keep writing

This world needs you to keep fighting

Don’t give up, don’t let the dark win

Through the wounds, let the light in

Because I know when I close your book after I read the last page

That after all the ups and downs you didn’t give up and you found your way

I know at the end of your story

We will give God all the glory

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Carry You by Ruelle – 

Beautifully Broken by Plumb – 

Turn It Around by Lincoln Brewster- 

Deep Down (Walk Through The Fire)  by Lincoln Brewster – 

Fighting For You by Tenth Avenue North – 

Shelly Swims Sideways

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It was a new day under the sea. A day just like every other day. Except this was no ordinary day. For today was the day Shelly was born.

Shelly was like every other fish. Shelly could blow bubbles and Shelly could smile. Shelly could talk and Shelly could laugh. Shelly had a laugh that could make you smile from gill to gill. Shelly could get mad and Shelly could get sad. Shelly loved to read and Shelly loved to play with the other fish. Shelly loved to go to school.

But Shelly wasn’t like every other fish. Shelly was born without a right fin.

Shelly couldn’t swim like the other fish could swim. When the other fish played hide and seek, Shelly couldn’t hide in the same places they did. Shelly couldn’t swim straight into hiding places. When the other fish had races, Shelly couldn’t swim as fast as the other fish.

Shelly could only swim sideways.

Some of the other fish accepted Shelly for who she was, but most fish made fun of her. They swam circles around Shelly. They made fun of “one fin” Shelly. They asked her why she wasn’t like them. They told her of all the things she can’t do.

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Shelly’s feelings were often hurt, but Shelly knew she was not who they said she was. She knew she was beautiful and strong. When they told Shelly of all the things she couldn’t do, Shelly thought of all the things she could do.

Shelly learned to be creative. Shelly learned to improvise. Shelly learned to turn her weaknesses into strengths. Shelly taught her friends how to use only one fin to swim. Shelly’s friends learned to swim sideways.

Shelly was in school one day when a giant, hungry shark saw them. The shark swam straight at the school, mouth wide open, ready to eat. The fish that could swim straight could not avoid being the shark’s dinner.

Except the shark didn’t count on Shelly’s quick, creative thinking. Shelly told her friends to all swim sideways as fast as they could. The shark saw them break away from the other fish and became so distracted he swam right into the side of a large rock.

When all the other fish saw what Shelly and her friends did, they were amazed that they would risk their lives to save theirs. Especially when they were so mean to Shelly. That is when they realized that Shelly’s disability was actually a gift.

It was a new day under the sea. A day just like every other day. Except this was no ordinary day. Today was the day Shelly was accepted for her she is. Today was the day Shelly wasn’t different but was unique. Today was the day Shelly was just like every other fish.

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God’s Will by Martina McBride-  

God Doesn’t Make Mistakes by Carolyn Dawn Johnson – 

Who Says by Joshua Micah – 

Pretty by Lauren Alaina – 

Your’e Gonna Rise by Manafest – 

How Far I’ll Go by Alessia Cara –

Shine by Lolo-  

Conqueror by Estelle – 

In Four Minutes Or Less

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In less than four minutes

I share my life and everything in it

I’ve got one shot to get it right

So you better hold on tight

I’ve got demons bouncing around in my head

Trying to fight the ones telling me I’d be better off dead

I’ve got scars on top of scars

Been to Venus, should’ve stayed on Mars

Fell into holes so deep I couldn’t claw my way out

My voice has been silenced when I would scream or shout

Buried alive beneath my pain

The sun would shine but I felt only rain

That’s my story so far when I went to hell

That’s only the beginning, so much more to tell

Days when  I didn’t think I could stand

He was always there holding out his hand

When I could see in the darkest of nights

It was because he was always there shining a light

When I gave up and hope and joy were nowhere to be found

The seas would part, the mountains would move and shake the ground

When I chose to believe in what I couldn’t see

I could see he was there fighting right beside me

I can’t say I have walked in your shoes

Maybe I don’t know what you are going through

You can’t say you have walked in mine

But I know we have crossed paths from time to time

So there’s my story and I pray it can help you

Life is better when you realize it’s not about you

It’s not about what’s wrong and what’s right

It’s about God’s mercy and grace and living Christ-like

So in less than four minutes I told you how I rose and how I fell

But there is so much more, way too much more to tell

I used to live in the dark

Until one day He changed my heart

Yes, I still worry from time to time

But I let God have my life

Whatever problems come, let them come

Let God’s will be done

It doesn’t matter what the circumstance

It doesn’t change who I am

The peace I found when I fell to my knees and started to pray

It changed my life, not just that day

The peace I found when from my knees I chose to rise

In four minutes or less you know how God has changed my life

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Changed by Sanctus Real –  

You Can by Building 429 – 

Inside Out by Bonray – 

I Got Saved by Corey Voss –  

Oh, Shooting Star

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Oh, shooting star why did you fall from the sky?

I guess you felt it was your time to fly

I wonder, did the other stars tell you goodbye?

Did you ever wish to see the light of day?

Will anyone miss you while you are away?

I wonder, did any other star ask you to stay?

Is there a reason you decided to leave?

Did you think you had nothing left to achieve

I wonder, when did you no longer believe?

The night skies will never look the same

You were one in a billion but I knew you by name

I wonder, could I have said, done anything? Am I to blame?

I wish I may, I wish I might

Have this wish I wish tonight

Oh shooting star, I wish that you were still alive

The Room

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image credit: willomailley.com

 

For the last fifty nine days, every day has been the same for me. I didn’t expect day sixty to be any different.

I wake up, look in the mirror and tell myself today is the day. Today will be the day that I can do it. I am stronger than I think I am. I can do this.

I then walk out of my room and go exactly five feet three inches and stop in front of the room. I reach for the door knob then pull my hand away. I stare at the door for what seems like hours but it is only minutes, maybe seconds. I then take a deep breath and walk away.

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image credit: The Sabbath Recorder

 

I go about my day like a robot. Doing without thinking. Lost in my guilt. Lost in the what if’s. Everyone looks at me the same. Fake smiles. I fake smile back. They say everything will be alright. I want to scream at them that it will not be, but I don’t.  I only want to hit something. I have so much anger and hurt and it’s all my fault. They say it is not but I know it is.

I go home. I hesitate as I turn the key to unlock the door. Do I really want to go back inside? I don’t know what else to do so I turn the key.

I make dinner and set two plates out of habit. I know you won’t be joining me. I eat in silence.

I go upstairs to go to bed and I once again stop at the door. I reach for the door knob and pull my hand away. I take a deep breath and walk away. I go into my room and yell at myself in the mirror. Why are you so weak? Why can’t you turn the knob?

God help me! Where are you? I need you. She needs you. Why won’t you make her wake up? I need a miracle.

I fall asleep listening to the hissing and popping of the machines that keep her alive.

I have the same nightmare, but it’s not a nightmare. It’s a reality. You fell down the stairs and couldn’t move. Ten minutes. That’s what the doctor said. If I could’ve gotten you to the hospital ten minutes earlier you would’ve made it. If I would’ve came straight home that night you would’ve been okay.

But I didn’t.

We were fighting and I took the long way home to clear my head.

Ten minutes.

I wish I would’ve driven straight home. That’s why it’s all my fault. That’s why I can’t go in there. I know I did that to you.

I wake with a startle. The house is silent.

It shouldn’t be silent!

The machines have stopped. I jump out of bed and run to the door. I reach my hand out and pull it away. Maybe it’s for the best.

She needs you.

I look around. No one is there.

She needs you. She is still alive. Appreciate the living while they are here. One day she will be gone and you won’t be able to tell her anything.

Tears pour out of my eyes and before I know it my hand turns the door knob. I slowly walk to your bed and reach out to hold your hand. I am so sorry. Please wake up, please. I love you. I need you. I am sorry I haven’t been here. I will always be there for you from now. Wake up!  Please God, wake her up.

I feel her hand squeeze mine. It had to be my imagination. I look up through the tears and see her eyes open.

I didn’t expect day sixty to be any different. God knew it would be.

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He Still Does Miracles by Hawk Nelson – 

Miracles by Alisa Turner – 

God Of The Impossible by Lincoln Brewster – 

Faithful by Sarah Reeves – 

God Who Moves Mountains by Corey Voss –  

Mountain Of Sorrow by The Taylors –