I Planned On Coming Back

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The character in this poem leaves to find himself, but in reality, it could be about each and every one of us who have “checked out” of their marriage. Those who are there but are not there. Don’t think they will always be there waiting for you to come back.

It could be for you, my readers, since I have not posted in a month. Has it really been that long? I never meant for it to be that long but sometimes I get caught in a tornado and I wait to land in OZ.

I planned on coming back

I just needed a short break

But I got lost counting the sand

Thinking you would wait

 

I spend my days staring out at the water

Wasting memories in the ocean breeze

Order another rum and coke

The memory of you dances in front of me

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Seeing the moon’s reflection

Looking up at a million stars

As one falls from the sky

I make a wish to heal these scars

 

I walk farther and farther away

I can’t understand why I can’t pick up the phone

Why I can’t get on that airplane

Why I can’t come back home

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I never meant these days to turn to months

I never meant to leave you like that

A lost heart trying to find its way

But I always planned on coming back

I knew my time had passed

As the months turned to years

I don’t know why I couldn’t turn around

The dolphins can taste my tears

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What was I missing?

What was I trying to find?

I realize it was right in front of me

But I can no longer call you mine

 

I can tell you didn’t expect to see me here

Face to face and I state it is a fact

I promise you this

I was always planning to come back

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I can see it in your eyes, I see it in your smile

I found myself but now I know that it’s too late

I say I’m sorry and turn to leave

Why did I think you would wait?

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The Gospel by Ryan Stevenson – 

The Haunting by Jackie Evancho –  

Just Like Everybody by Ben Moody- 

Remember Who I Was by James Arthur –  

What Kind Of Man Am I by John Mellencamp- 

Never Let You Go by Manafest – 

Mansion by NF – 

No Man’s An Island by Tenth Avenue North – 

Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson-  

Not Broken Anymore by Blue October – 

If I Told You by Darius Rucker – 

Can’t Keep You Here by Jennifer Paige – 

Sorry by Aquilo- 

 

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Skipping Stones With Ghosts 

There are times when I just want to be alone

Left to my own mind to find my way home

Then as I throw another stone off the coast

I realize I’m skipping stones with ghosts

Memories of a past I can’t let go

Crashing like the waves with each throw

The girl’s heart I broke

With each harsh word I spoke

The tears my mom would cry

With each and every lie

The one I let get away

Because the words I couldn’t say

Antique shopping every Saturday afternoon

I’d say no, a million other things I’d rather do

The show you wanted to see I said we couldn’t afford

The truth is I thought I would be bored

More thoughts, more regrets, kept pouring in

Like they were riding the ocean wind

The far away sound of a single sea gull

Another memory I wish I couldn’t recall

During the holidays how you loved to decorate

Singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas and Jingle All The Way

All the presents you loved to give

All these memories I can’t relive

It’s time to clear my head

Wake my heart from being dead

Time to put these memories on a stone

Let each go with each stone thrown

Every regret, every emotion

Drown them in the ocean

I’m no longer the person I was

Forgiven, me and all my flaws

Three Feet Of Water by Brantley Gilbert – 

Find You Here by Ellie Holcomb – 

Never Been A Moment by Micah Tyler – 

Seasons by Fight The Fade – 

That Was Then, This Is Now by Josh Wilson – 

A Lot Of Things Different by Kenny Chesney – 

Burdens Of The Past by Amber Pacific – 

My Past by Donnie McClurkin – 

Leave The Memories Alone by Fuel – 

Dead Memories by CrossFade – 

Birds Of A Different Color : Christmas Eve

 

cardinals, goldfinch, bluebird, nuthatch, chickadee:
art credit: James Hautman

Please take a minute to catch up on the history of the birds: (just click on the links)

Birds Of A Different Color

Birds Of A Different Color: The Sequel 

 

It was Christmas Eve all through the land

All the birds stared in amazement at the Christmas tree so grand

The little birds could barely contain their excitement

The older birds looked on, filled with contentment

The eagle remembered how far they have come

He remembered all the work ALL the birds have done

Which made this day an even more special day

He took his place and said: “Birds, I have something to say”

 

Want to see one--not at a zoo--SOON!:
photo credit: Paula Krugerud Photography

“I’ll keep it short since tonight the little ones can’t be up late.”

“It has been a long time since we chose to love instead of hate.”

“It was a lot of work to repair our broken relationships.”

“As you all know, it hasn’t always gone to script.”

“We have learned from our mistakes, our experiences.”

“We have learned to work through our differences.”

“We have returned this land to the way it was created.”

“For that reason alone, tonight we ALL should be celebrated!”

“We are gathered here today because of the one who was born.”

“Who also died for us, tattered and torn.”

“As some of us birds are getting older,

We know we can’t carry this land on our shoulders.”

“We must teach the next generation

That love is the only way to rule this nation!”

All the birds started to sing

A beautiful sound that caused a gathering

All the animals from the forest came

The deer, the rabbit, the skunk and others you know by name

They gathered around the Christmas tree

They held hands and all sung with glee

The sound reached near and far

Then humans arrived, by foot and by car

They couldn’t believe their eyes

It was then they started to realize

Everything they thought they knew had to be ruled out

Because right there was a hawk singing with a field mouse

There was a bear beside a deer

There was a sheep standing by a wolf  with no fear

There was a fox right beside a hare

All these beautiful birds were there

They could hardly believe their ears

When the animals said: “There is nothing here to fear!”

“Yes, at one time we were all enemies!”

“We decided to let love rule our hearts until our eyes could see!”

Then the humans held each other’s hands

All the different people across the land

Blacks and whites, Muslim and Christian

All races, all people, could see the animals vision

The eagle then spoke once again:

“One last thing to say my friends.”

“To move forward you must move on from the past!”

“You have to live as last is first and first is last.”

“Let every man, every woman, every boy, every girl

Know what it’s like to have peace in this world!”

“Let ALL our voices join together as we sing Silent Night!”

Then they sang Joy To The World  and We Wish You A Merry Christmas

I can only say it’s all true, as I was there to witness

All the birds of a different color

Helped all the people discover

Instead of fighting they should ALL join hands

Because love is the only way to rule the land

Merry Christmas to ALL and to ALL a love filled night 

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art credit: Peter Rabbit

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Let It Be Christmas by Alan Jackson – 

My Grown Up Christmas List by Amy Grant – 

Better Together by Gaither Vocal Band – 

Join With The Angels by Matthew West – 

Little Drummer Boy/ Peace On Earth by Bing Crosby and David Bowie – 

Rest In You Tonight by The Oak Ridge Boys – 

Gather Round by Band Of Merrymakers – 

My Wish For Christmas by R Kelly – 

Love Is Christmas by Sara Bareilles – 

Happy Christmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon – 

The Night Before Christmas by Brandon Heath – 

Love Is Here by Laura Story – 

A Joyful Noise by Little River Band – 

Wish List by 7eventh Time Down – 

Love Can Build A Bridge by The Judds- 

Prayer Of St. Francis by Sarah McLachlan – 

Silent Night by Pentatonix – 

Joy To The World by Jeremy Camp – 

We Wish You A Merry Christmas by Celtic Women – 

 

 

A Christmas Prayer

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A Christmas prayer

For the ones out there

Who aren’t full of happiness and  cheer

Who are depressed and worn out this time of year

This time of year can be tough

Sometimes you just want to scream ENOUGH!

Maybe it’s the loss of a loved one

Or past hurts that have been done

 

Everyone else seems full of glee

You’re thinking “everyone but me”

You aren’t the only one faking a smile

Remember the season is because of the birth of a child

It’s not the decorations or presents

Or all the parties and events

Here is an open invitation

To join in the celebration

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No gifts to bring or trees to decorate

Whenever you are ready, we will wait

A genuine heart with love to give

I believe you are meant to live

Do not give up, Do not be dismayed

If you are having a string of bad days

There is a hope for a better tomorrow

One not promised without sorrow

One not promised without pain

One not promised without rain

One promised that you are never alone

One promised that you have a home

One promised that you are loved

One promised of HOPE,  sealed by His blood

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I can’t promise tomorrow will be better

I can promise you have a helper

Instead of falling down it’s time to rise up

Don’t give up when you’ve had enough

The night will fall and the sun will soon shine

Please, please give it some more time

Tomorrow is new

Perhaps a blessing for you

Tomorrow will soon be here

And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be your year

A baby boy was born in a manger

Don’t let him be a stranger

Get to know hope, love, forgiveness and grace

Tomorrow you will gladly embrace

I want you to know you are known

And that you aren’t alone

Don’t give up, YOU are loved, even when you are blue

This is my Christmas prayer for you

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Talk to your doctor if you are feeling sad for long periods of time. They can refer you to a mental health specialist. If your feelings of sadness during the holidays are accompanied by suicidal thoughts, do one of the following immediately:

  • Call 911.
  • Go immediately to a hospital emergency room.
  • Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

You can improve your mood by practicing self-care during the holidays. Eat a healthy diet, and maintain a regular sleep pattern and exercise program. According to the kept Primary Care Companion to the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, as little as 30-minutes of cardiovascular exercise can provide an immediate mood boost similar to the effects of an antidepressant medication. Joining a support group where you talk to people with similar experiences to yours can also help.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU HAVE WORTH AND YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU KNOW!

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Lots of songs but couldn’t decide to put suicide or hope or someone loves you song so put a mix of all them.

Why by Faith Hill – 

Why by Rascal Flatts – 

Different Kind Of Tears by Sully Erna – 

Before The Morning by Josh Wilson – 

Somebody Stand By Me by Faith Hill – 

Home by Phillip Phillips- 

Pray For You by Blessid Union Of Souls – 

I Don’t Have The Answers by We Are Messengers- 

10 Years Today by Bullet For My Valentine- 

Don’t Close Your Eyes by Kix- 

Hold On by Good Charlotte- 

The Fuzz by Jeff Rosenstock – 

Hold On by Wilson Phillips- 

The Last Night by Skillet – 

The Reason by Lacey Sturm- 

Take The Bullets Away by We As Human- 

The Right Time by Disciple – 

Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.- 

Goodbye (I’m Sorry) by Jamestown Story – 

Just Say Jesus by 7eventh Time Down – 

Pray For Me by Kirk Franklin – 

Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan – 

My Story by Big Daddy Weave – 

Hope Was Born This Night by Sidewalk Prophets – 

 

What Will You Look Like?

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I often wonder what you will look like

When I see you at the end of this life

Will you look like you did in the days before your last song was sung ?

Will you look like I remember you from when I was young?

Will there be lines on your face?

Will all the blemishes I loved be erased?

Will your legs be old and weak?

Will you be able to dance with me as we speak?

Will you be rocking with the musicians that are there?

Will you still be confined to your wheelchair?

Some of these things I don’t wonder as much

Like the wheelchair and the weak legs and such

I know in Heaven all things are made new

But sometimes I wonder if I will recognize you

Will you look like how my mind remembers?

When through those gates of pearls my soul enters

Will you jump for joy when you see my face?

How many hours could we sit and talk about God’s grace?

When I first see Jesus I wonder what I will do?

I wonder how many times He has sat down to talk with you?

Will the grass always be green and the flowers always in bloom?

I wonder if it will be years before I see you or if it will be soon?

Sometimes I wonder if all I do has even mattered

I know one day all my questions will all be answered

Today I will live with joy knowing I will see your face again

But I still miss you my love, my parent, my child, my friend 

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Christmas Prayers by Neil Diamond – 

I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe-  

What Is Heaven Like by Robert Rogers – 

 

Your Choice

When I first started this I was thinking it would be about old friends or old relationship,  like Adele’s Someone Like You song.   Then I heard RaeLynn’s Love Triangle and it went a different direction. Hope you like. Dads, be there for you kids, no matter what. They need you in their life.  The statistics of how children turn out without a father in their lives are not good. Be there. Be thankful for them. Love them.  Be thankful for forgiveness. One of the most important things you can do as a dad is to love their mom. Show them what a real man and a real father and a real stick it out, work it out relationship should look like.

 

When I left it wasn’t your choice

It must be strange to hear my voice

After all these years

After you cried a million tears

“I’m sorry I was wrong.”

“I should never have left you for so long.”

“I’m sorry I decided to leave.”

“I know that must be hard for you to believe.”

“I felt like there was no other way.”

“When I packed my bags and left that day.”

“Your mom has raised you well.”

“You’re beautiful inside and out I can tell.”

I could also tell I had scarred her

Her first question, “Why didn’t you try harder?”

“Wasn’t I worth trying?”

“Do you know how many nights I spent crying?”

“I promise daddy, I could’ve been better!”

“Don’t you think I was worth one call, one letter?”

“I know you and mom had your troubles

But why did you keep me outside your bubble?”

“Do you know many nights  I yelled into my pillow at you?”

“Do you know how many days I wondered what did I do?”

I just stared at her, how could I cut her out of my life?

There was nothing I could say, she was right

She had so many questions that hurt me so

But nothing like the pain I caused her I know

I cried my first tear

I let go of all my fears

All the times I could’ve

All the times I should’ve

I let them all go, left the past in the past

Here she was in front of me at last

I asked, “Will you ever forgive me?”

“I did dad, a long time ago can’t you see?”

“I prayed for you!”

“I waited for you!”

“I did have so much anger and hate

But God taught me that love was the only way.”

“As hard as it was I slowly learned to forgive

So that I could learn to live.”

“I opened up the walls surrounding my heart.”

“Here I am dad, willing to give us another start!”

I lost it all, I crumbled in her arms

I promised her I would never again harm

If God could help us reunite

Then I knew I had to give Him my life

Thank you for mended relationships

Thank you God for fixing this

Never again will something come in between

I will spend the rest of my life letting her know how much she means

Love Triangle by Raelynn-  

Perfect Story by Idina Menzel – 

Every Other Weekend by Kenny Chesney and Reba McEntire- 

Two Houses by Matthew West – 

Family by TobyMac – 

Hey Mom and Dad by Sloppy – 

Song For My Father by Sarah McLachlan – 

Forgiveness by Matthew West – 

Forgiveness by TobyMac feat LeCrae – 

Forgiveness Is A Miracle by Jason Gray – 

I Loved Our Time Together (When You Were On A Sedative)

 

Trying to be funny but…my sense of humor can be warped at times.

 

I loved our time together when you were on a sedative

In the moment was all we had to live

No hurts, no regrets, the past was the past

It had been ages since we laughed like that

Even though the doctor was two and a half hours late

I can honestly say I didn’t mind the wait

No kids, no outside pulls, no tv

Just you and me ( and that constant beep)

We made jokes the entire time

Reminded me of when you were first mine

Before life got in the way

But we can start anew today

It was good to hear you laugh

If you did now it would tear you in half

You will heal and so will we

Marriage definitely is not easy

I can’t wait until my knee is done

So we can have some more fun

And love our time together when I am on a sedative

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When You’re With Me by The Afters – 

Let It Be Tonight by Rick Astley- 

Love You All The Way by Sean McNeill – 

In Love Again by Colbie Caillat – 

God Only Knows by Michael Buble –