The Fun House Of Mirrors

sites at the local fair ground - I never liked to funhouse.  But if I was with friends I went in them and rode rides anyway.  Nana

“Step right up, come on in, only a dollar” shouted the carny. He looked right at me and my friends. “Come on in boys, this will change your life” and he winked at me. I don’t know why but my gut was telling me something was wrong. My friends wanted to go in and since I didn’t want to be left out, I went in with them.

It wasn’t much at first. A conveyor belt going the opposite direction. Oooh scary right? We made a tight turn to the right and the floor started shaking. Everyone started to laugh but the feeling inside me was getting worse. It was then the lights went out. We started reaching out, touching each other to make sure we were all still there. We slowly inched forward and hit a wall, promptly piling into each other.  Then the lights came on and that was when the fun began.

Image result for carnival fun house mirrors

We were looking at ourselves, all four versions of each of us. We looked at each other like what the crap, a couple of my friends used some other choice words. In one mirror there was me, looking as normal as I am now, if you can call that normal. In the second mirror I was a hideous monster. What the heck? The third mirror I was a baseball player, uniform, glove and all. How could this be? I only was wearing the clothes I came in with. The fourth mirror showed me as an old, decrepit old man, all by myself. It was then we realized there was no exit. We did the only thing we could and started to push on the mirrors. The only one that moved was the second one. We all looked at each other and kind of shrugged and took a step through. But we weren’t all together on the other side.

There I was, the hideous monster. I pulled on my skin and clothes to get them to come off but they were me and I was them. It was then I noticed a small light in the distance. I walked toward it and saw it was a cell phone. It had a note on it. PRESS PLAY. What I saw disgusted me and I wish I didn’t have to tell you about it, but I do. It was 15 second clips of my life. There was me eight years old pushing the other kids down on the playground. There was me twelve years old stealing a cassette from the local music store. There was me sixteen years old with my girlfriend. We were in the backseat and she said she wasn’t ready but I said we had already gone too far so let’s keep going. There was me at nineteen at a college party when a bunch of guys took a passed out girl upstairs and I didn’t stop them. There was me at twenty two when I didn’t take the keys from my friend and he drove home drunk, but he didn’t make it. There was me at home instead of visiting my dad before he passed away. There was me watching a movie instead of calling a friend who was home alone, waiting for me to call. There was me ignoring my wife because of past mistakes. Was I really this monster? Is this how others see me?

Then we were all back in the same room of mirrors. We all looked at each other like what was that? No one was laughing now. We pushed on the mirrors again but only the third one opened this time.

There I was, at Wrigley Field, pitching for the Cubs. The crowd was chanting my name. Oh yeah, this is what I was made for. They all love me. I was on the mound, World Series, game seven, bottom of the ninth, two outs, two on, two strikes. One more strike and I bring a championship to Chicago. The wind up, the pitch…and I heard it. My shoulder popped. Then I heard the crack of the bat as it connected to the ball. Then I heard the silence. Just like that it was all over. The game, my career, my life. I was so angry. I was mad at God. How could He bring me to this moment and then let it all go? One pitch. It was all over. What kind of God would do that to me? I shut everyone out. I drank myself to sleep every night. I didn’t know the women’s names I would wake up to. I didn’t care. I went from 60,000 people screaming my name to the deafening silence of my own thoughts.

There we were again. All six of us in the same room of mirrors. Mark said that wasn’t so bad. “Let’s get this over with,” said Scott. We looked at each other and hesitantly stepped into the fourth mirror.

There I was. A decrepit old man. No one there but me. A lifetime of choices led me to here. A lifetime of bad choices. How did I get here? I was a good guy once. I believed in God, once upon a time. I looked in the mirror and the mirror looked back. Was this really me? Then I was gone. There in my casket, all by myself. Honestly, all by myself. No one came to say goodbye. Not one single person! Was I that unloveable and selfish? Was I really that bad of a person? I guess the truth hurts because I must’ve been for not one single person to show up.

We were all back in the room of mirrors. A couple of my friends said how cool their mirrors were. They hope their lives turn out like that. I didn’t have anything to say. This time the first mirror, the normal mirror, opened and we walked through. A couple turns and a few distorted mirrors later we were at the exit.

“Hey boys, how’d you like it? Did you like what you saw?” said the carny. “The mirrors don’t lie boys. If you didn’t like what you saw, you still have time to do something about it.” That was when he looked at me again and winked and gave me something. I was too terrified to look at it so I stuck it in my pocket and left. He turned around and started shouting , “step right up boys and girls, come on in, only a dollar and it will change your life.”

I forgot about what he gave me until I got home and undressed. It fell out of my pocket. A small bible with a note inside. Read this if you want to change your life. Read this if you didn’t like what you saw in the mirrors. It is your choice.

Monster by Skillet – 

All Of Me by Meatloaf – 

Ain’t Much Left Of Me by Blackberry Smoke – 

These Things I Hate (Revolves Around Me) by Bullet For My Valentine –

Hate Me by Blue October – 

Faces by One Less Reason – 

Objects In The Rearview Mirror by Meatloaf –

I’ll Find Me by Steve Azar – 

Sing by Waiting Hill – 

I Remember Me by Jennifer Hudson –  

I Hope They Get To Me In Time by Darius Rucker – 

Mirrors by Justin Timberlake – 

Funhouse Mirror by Jill K – 

I Choose You by Point of Grace – 

Where Are You?

I walked through this town I love so much and couldn’t believe my eyes. Everywhere I looked the city was in ruins. Every corner had something else wrong. Every block I walked all I saw was confusion. I went into my favorite store and had to take a step back. Something wasn’t right.

The buildings were still there. The architecture as beautiful as ever. It was the people. They were all walking around like robots. No one smiled. They all had the same blank stare. What happened to them? It’s like they were all….lost.

I smiled at a child. She smiled back. The mom looked at me like I was trying to kidnap her child. I smiled at her also but only received a glare in return.

I pulled out my phone to see if I missed some news on what is going on. I looked on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram but nothing. All I saw were pictures of people smiling. Posts about how great their lives were. Tweets about how happy they are. I looked up over my phone and didn’t see that.

I decided to reach out to the 87,654 friends/followers I have on social media. No one responded. I was getting concerned so I decided to text the 70 people in my contact list that I never call and talk to. Again, no one responded.

I decided to go get a hamburger and some fries and try to figure out what is happening. After I ate, I didn’t feel so well. Come to find out the hamburger I ate was laced with steroids and synthetic hormones that has caused hormonal cancer rates to rise. Then I found out this is banned in Europe, Japan, Australia and China but yet we serve it in my town.

I then decided to get something to drink. I couldn’t decide between Coke, Pepsi or Gatorade. I looked on the label and noticed all of them contained brominated vegetable oil. From my science days I knew bromine was used as a flame retardant. This builds up in our bodies and can cause nerve damage, memory loss, and other issues. This has also been banned in over 100 countries, including Europe and Japan but here it is in my town. I then found out that bromine is used in some of the breads I eat.

I see young children running around the streets like they don’t have a care. I see them getting what they want, doing what they want, taking what they want. Weren’t they taught to earn what they get? Weren’t they taught that sometimes waiting for something is better than getting it instantly? Where are the parents?

I stood on the corner and yelled as loud as I could “God, help me!” I knew God was here somewhere but I could not find Him. The corner across from me had people yelling “God does not exist. He is not here and never has been. There is no God.” I yelled right back. “My God is here. He does exists. He has always been here.” Next thing I know I am being told I can’t talk about God here. I protested and asked why can they say there is no God but I can’t say there is. I was told because they have the right of religious freedom.

It was time for me to take a walk. Try to clear my head. What was happening here?

God, are you there? Why are you allowing this to happen? Why is my town turning into this? Why are people hurting inside but pretend they are okay? Why are people doing wrong and don’t even act like it bothers them? Why, God, are you letting this happen?

God, where are you?

I ran and ran as far as I could. When I stopped I saw the most amazing bright light. I had never seen anything like it. A breeze picked up and I heard, “where are you?” I looked around but didn’t see anyone. Then I heard it again, “where are you?”

Then that voice said “I have searched for you. I have called out to you. I have rescued you from the depths of sin many times. I have forgiven you. Why do you hide in shame from me? Why do you run from me? Why do you only question me in the worst times of your life? Why do you not think of me in the best times? What is this you have done?  Why are you here in this place? Who told you I wasn’t here? Who told you I didn’t love you?”

Then the bright light disappeared and was replaced with a mirror. I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection. I then only had one question to ask myself.

Where are you?

Never Alone by Barlow Girl – 

Don’t Let Go by Josh Wilson – 

Not To Us by Nichole Nordeman – 

I Question You by Lily Messer (and me) – 

In My Room by Thousand Foot Krutch – 

Revelation by Third Day – 

If I Could Talk To God by Alice Peacock – 

Beer With Jesus by Thomas Rhett – 

If I Talk To God by The Last Goodnight – 

God Of This City by Chris Tomlin – 

God Can You Hear Me by Tait – 

The Opening Act of Spring by Frank Turner – 

The Haunted House

Animated Haunted House animated house gif halloween haunted

I have been in the house many times since the first time. The first time was when I was eight years old. I was being teased, called a chicken, and all those things kids say to each other. Triple dog dare. You can’t turn down a triple dog dare. It was the first time I opened the door. I only looked inside for a second but that was enough.  The door had been opened and my future was doomed.

I soon started visiting the house more than I would like to admit. Always by myself of course. I couldn’t let my friends know what I was doing. Each time I went in I would find a new room to explore. It was fascinating at first. All these new things I was finding meant I was also learning more about myself. I thought I was being brave. Anytime something would happen to me I would run to the solitude of the house. Only in the day time though. Never at night.

At night you could always find me in my own house. Safe, warm and comfortable. My parents loved me and I felt safe in my house. Of course you could say as many times as I was visiting the so-called haunted house that it became my home away from home. My place to go to be alone and collect my thoughts. Leave some of my thoughts there. Come out a new person, but I left a part of me in that house each time I went.

It wasn’t long before I was sneaking out of my home and going to my haunted house at night. I couldn’t help it. I loved being the only one there. The only one that knew I was spending so much time there was me. I loved that sometimes when I went there would be a new room or two to explore. I never questioned how they got there. Part of the mystery of a haunted house I thought.

I started to withdraw from my friends so I could spend more time there. I could explore my house for hours on end, always something new but I could also go back and remember. Remember the who, what, why,  where and when of the first time I opened this door or that door. Remember when I was so scared I slammed that door closed, only to peek back in a few weeks later. No door was ever sealed shut. I could visit anytime I would visit the house.

The problem came when I couldn’t resist the house anymore. It just kept luring me in. Like it was calling out to me. Come on in, it is safe here. You don’t need anyone else. Just you and your thoughts, that’s all you need. No one will hurt you in here.

Comfort. I found comfort in that house. I should’ve bought the place and moved in. Saved me from going there all the time. It was on one of these trips that I met someone. A man like I had never met before. He told me to stop going to the haunted house. There is nothing there for me. How did he know was my first thought? My second thought was who cares who he is. This was my world and my house and he was just an intruder. Another person out to get me.

A couple days later I was going back to the house and there he was. Sitting on the front steps. The same steps I first went up when I was eight, except they didn’t look so scary anymore. They almost looked warm and inviting. Anyway, back to my guest. There he was. “How did you get here,” I asked. “I’ve been watching you for years,” he said. What kind of person is this?  I then bluntly told him to leave. He wasn’t welcome here. He told me he couldn’t do that. He was here to help me leave this place, leave it for good.

No way. This is my place. My home. He had no right to ask me to leave it.

But he got me thinking. In my experience, that is never a good thing. I would rather just go to my house and leave my thoughts in one of the rooms.

I walked on by him and he got up and followed me in. “Look at your prison,” he said. “My prison? This is my house,” I corrected him.  “No”, he said, “I have a much better house for you. Want to see it?”

“Not really sure,” I said, “I like this place.”

“Here take my hand and I will show you,” he said. I don’t know why but I reached out for his hand and….all the doors opened. All the doors in my house flew open and everything that was in them came pouring out.

I screamed, “let me go!!” I pulled my hand away and ran. This wasn’t my house. How did all these things get in here? Why was he letting them all out? I tried to shut the doors but they would not close. I fell to my knees and let them overtake me. But they didn’t touch me. They all poured into him. He took them all. All my good and all my bad. All my pretty and all my ugly. They all poured into him.

I watched, mesmerized. It seemed like it lasted for hours but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. How could I let all this stuff in my house? I watched as everything flew out. Things I forgot I put in the rooms. Things that kept me a prisoner in my house. Fear, lots of rooms full of fear. Anxiety, worry, hurt all leaving my house. Negative thoughts and lies I believed to numb the pain all gone. Depression, shame, guilt- all gone. Anger and hate, see you later. Regrets, doubts about who I am, lies, distrust, unforgiveness, all gone.

You might ask what was left but you already know. Love was left. A love that told me I didn’t need to live in this house. A love that told me I was forgiven. A love that showed me who I am. A love that told me to unlock those doors and throw away the key. A love that told me my house isn’t haunted. A love that told me I could’ve left that house anytime I wanted. A love that told me I never had to build that house.

Mansion by NF – 

My Own Prison by Creed – 

Empire In My Mind by The Wallflowers – 

Demons by Imagine Dragons – 

Baptize My Mind by Jon Foreman – 

Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel – 

Keep Your Mind Wide Open by Annasophia Robb – 

Outta My Mind by Anthem Lights – 

Voices by Sumerlin – 

March Out Of The Darkness by Papa Roach – 

Out Of Mind by Queensryche – 

The Maze

I was shivering. Strange, since when I went to bed I put an extra blanket on and set the thermostat to heat up the house at 6:00. I then realized I was also wet. I startled awake only to realize I wasn’t in my warm bed. I was in some type of… give me a minute to look around. I was in some type of maze. Confused, bewildered, baffled, were some of the words that came to mind. I had to be dreaming, but I wasn’t.

I yelled out, but no one answered. I did the only thing I could and started to walk. Around this bend, turn left here, turn right there, dead end, start again. I then saw a note up ahead. I read it: If you have ever lied turn left at the next turn.  Well yeah I have lied, who hasn’t? I came to the turn and went left. After about 200 yards or so I found another note. If you have ever stolen anything, turn left again. Unfortunately, I had to turn left. I kept walking for another 200 yards and yet another note. If you have ever dishonored your mother or father turn left again.  Well, to be honest I am sure I have but if I did maybe it was just something little like talking back or missing curfew. Guess my answer was already made for me because the only way I could turn was left.

I know I just walked in a square but yet I was someplace new. Hanging up at the end of this walkway was a mirror. As soon as I looked into it I heard the voices. You are ugly. You aren’t good enough. No one likes you. Your kids don’t even like you. Look at your body, what have you done to it. You are a disgrace. Why are you even alive?

I covered my face with my hands and ran. I ran as fast and as far as I could but I could not get the voices out of my head. I came to another intersection.

Have you ever committed adultery? Well. Not physically. Then another voice: that doesn’t matter. Have you or haven’t you? Okay, yes I have! Correct. Go right.

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Have you ever murdered someone? Of course not, I said. Are you sure about that? Yes, I am positive on that one. Then the images came to me like it was yesterday. The girl I talked into sleeping with me. She was so young and innocent. I wanted her. She said no but eventually I wore her down and she gave in. I murdered a piece of her that night. I murdered a piece of the boy I used to make fun of because he wasn’t like me. Oh God! Make this stop. Good try! God isn’t here and he isn’t coming. This is my world and you are just a pawn in it.  Go right.

Have you ever worshiped someone other than your so called God? Have you ever used your so called Gods name in vain?  Have you ever ….  GO RIGHT I SAID!

NO!! I screamed. I don’t have to listen to you. I don’t have to go where you want me to. I can break this. I can walk away. You are a liar.

No, you can’t. Remember you are a nobody. No one likes you, except me. You are what I need to change this world.  YOU can follow me, YOU can rule the world with me. YOU can turn stones into bread. YOU can jump off a building and angels will catch you. I can make you into the most powerful person in this world. TURN RIGHT!!

No, that’s where you are wrong. I don’t want to be the most powerful person in the world. I don’t need to be liked by everyone because I know God loves me. I don’t need your lies. I just need to follow the truth. With that last word I sprinted as fast as I could, to the left, and ran and ran for what seemed like days. I didn’t realize that the maze was disappearing as I ran. I was breaking free from the chains that bind me. By the time I stopped it was all gone.

I fell to the ground. Exhausted. Sweating. Breathing hard. I didn’t hear the footsteps come up beside me. Maybe there wasn’t any. I heard his voice. The one I have heard many times throughout my life but ignored. I felt him kneel beside me. I felt his hand on mine. I heard him say well done. I heard him say I love you. I heard him say I want you. I heard him say you belong with me.

He picked me up and walked me back home. He said trust in me. Have faith in me. Love me. And just like that he was gone. But was he really?

Breaking Inside by Shinedown – 

It’s A Maze from the Secret Garden – 

Lost by Red – 

Lost and Found by Rocket to the Moon – 

Come and Lead Me by Danielle and Mackenzie – 

You’re Not Alone by Owl City – 

Lead Me To The Cross by Hillsong – 

Impossible by Sidewalk Prophets – 

Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole – 

Changed by The Katinas – 

Eighteen Years Ago Today 9/11

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This morning, I took the subway to Coney Island. It was always your favorite place. The noises, the laughter and the screams. You always said the smells brought you back to your childhood. I looked out over the water as the sun was rising. My whole world shattered on this day eighteen years ago and all I could do now was take a deep breath, hold it for as long as I could and slowly exhale.

Eighteen years ago today. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday, other times it seems like a lifetime ago. What I wouldn’t give to have you back, to go back in time and keep you from going to work that day. How much different would my life, our life had been? Would it have changed that much? Life went on without you, even though I still don’t know if mine has completely.

Our kids are grown now. Eighteen years of memories, smiles and tears. I am a grandpa now, which means you would’ve been the best grandma. Sometimes when I hold her I can see you sitting in your old chair smiling. I can see you holding her like you held our daughter. You were the best mom. The best wife.

Eighteen years and we have survived, even if we are not whole since a piece of us is missing. Eighteen years of wishes and prayers that will never come true.

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I think you would be really disappointed with our world now. Eighteen years later and the terrorists still hate America, maybe even more now. Eighteen years and we are still fighting the same war and I don’t even know what we are fighting for anymore. It seems hopeless. This world is a mess. Hate is rampant. Mass shootings every day it seems like. All those lives lost for nothing. It seems like most people have grown numb to it all and have given up hope.

Sometimes I wonder if God has abandoned us. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn’t do something. Sometimes I wonder why I don’t do something. I know you would’ve done something. You always saw the best in everyone and everything.

Most of those times I will find comfort and hope in your old Bible that still sits on the table on your side of the bed. The answers are there in your favorite highlighted passages.

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In a way I am happy for you that you aren’t here to see all this. But maybe if you were here you would be the one that would change it all. I know there is good out there. I know there are still good people in this world. We just need more of them to step up and do something. Change this world you so loved.

Anyway, most days I am good. Some days the wind will blow and caress my cheek and I feel like you are still here with me and I can’t help but smile. Other days, like today and even after all these years, I can’t stop crying and I have to stop and pick up the broken pieces of my heart and push on.

I can see you giving me that look now. I know, I know. You wouldn’t want me to be sad, but even a warrior has his moments when he isn’t so tough. But like a warrior, I will fight on another day.

So today, eighteen years after you left us, I still will not say goodbye. I will never say goodbye. How can I when, like on that day and all days when you left for work, I can still see you smiling at me, giving me a wink and saying love you hon, see ya later.

So babe, I love you just as much today as I did the first day we met and I will see ya later.

If you want to cry, listen to this first song, I tear up every single time I hear it. And it is a good story of how a child grows up without her dad she lost in 9/11

I Miss You Daddy-

The Ones That Didn’t Make It Back Home by Justin Moore –

If I Had Only Known by Reba McEntire-

Jersey On The Wall ( I’m Just Asking)  by  Tenille Townes-

Why God by Austin French –

Miss You All The Time by O.A.R. –

 

 

My Apprentice

 

Today is Kylie’s 14th birthday. I believe all parents want to pass along their wisdom and knowledge to their children, pass along the best parts of them.

Sometimes, they get the worst part of you. Well, THIS IS A STORY like that.

Sometimes the mind goes where the mind goes.

Happy Birthday Kylie.

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I discovered I was an artist at the age of fourteen. At first, I was really nervous and scared and would only practice my artistry every six months or so. I was shy and did not want anyone else to see my work. I made many mistakes when I first started out but luckily the gods were in my favor and I was able to continue my artistry as I grew older, and wiser. And braver.

As I became more confident, my art work became more frequent. Every four months to two months to weekly, until I met a woman I would fall in love with.

Since my art did not pay the bills, I joined the working world. I was miserable. I had no time to practice my art or to continue working towards perfecting my skills.

But I was in love. And then I found out I was going to be a father.

I prayed for a son. A boy I could train to follow in my footsteps. It had taken years for me to be almost perfect in my craft and I wanted to pass down everything I had learned to a son. Every mistake, every lesson learned, every victory. The satisfaction of a job well done.

It was not to be. My daughter came into the world full of life, screaming and crying to the world, I am here.

The pressure of being a father and paying the bills became too much. I needed a release. I needed time to myself. I needed a “night out with the boys” every couple of weeks, at least that’s what I told my wife.

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But what I really needed was my art. I needed to get back to what I was best at doing. I needed to perfect my craft. I needed to keep practicing my art, to create the perfect masterpiece. I could not make any mistakes.

As my daughter grew, I would come home “after a night with the boys” and would watch her sleeping. I would feel guilty for going out, for doing what I was doing, but I kept telling myself it was for my own sanity. I could not stop. It was in my blood and I was very good at what I did.

But I wanted to be the best.

To be the best, I had to keep practicing my skills.  As my daughter grew, she became more curious, but there was no way I could show her my work. As my daughter grew, so did the world. Technology was changing and I had to keep in touch with it in order to keep making my art. It was becoming a chore to stay one step ahead but I was still very good at my art, and I could not stop.

However, doubts started to creep in. One mistake, however small, could lead to my art being ruined. What if my wife found out? I still was not ready for anyone to see my work. How much longer could I continue? Could I stop if I really wanted to?

I must stop. Even if I was miserable, it beat being discovered. I must stop, I told myself over and over. I must stop.

I tried to stop, I really did.

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I kept telling myself one more time. One more night. One more masterpiece. But that only lead to one more time, one more night.

It was the eve of my daughter’s fourteenth birthday. I remembered how I started my art skills when I was fourteen. I wondered if it was in her blood also.

I didn’t have to wait long.

One week later I went out for my one more last time.

Little did I know she followed me.

I slowly walked the streets, looking for the right inspiration to be part of my next masterpiece. After all, I had become a master artist. It didn’t take me long. The objects of my art were always easy to find. Some people enjoy being the center of attention. It’s not hard to convince them to come with me so I can “paint” them. The centerpiece of my gallery.

I took her back to my gallery and as soon as I started to carve her up so slowly, I was a master craftsmen after all, my daughter came running into the room.

I was terrified and relieved at the same time. My secret was finally out of the bag. After all these years and all these murders, it was my daughter who caught me.

But she wasn’t horrified like I thought she would be. A smile of relief crossed her face.

It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

All this time, she had the same urges as me. All this time I had prayed for a son to pass my artistry onto but instead I was given a daughter who was every bit an artist like me. Now I could pass my expertise down to her.

Every mistake, every lesson learned, every victory.

For my daughter was a serial killer, just like me, and I could not let her get caught.

Disclaimer: Neither Kylie or I are serial killers, just so no one takes this seriously. Even though at times feel like I could…

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Pyschopath Killer by Slaughterhouse, feat Eminem-

RIP by 8 Graves –

Monsters by Shinedown –

Monster by Skillet-

Monster Is Loose by Meatloaf –

Releasing The Demons by Godsmack –

Finding My Shadow

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I was a happy child. I was always smiling, always laughing. I was healthy. I ate good and exercised. I had a few close friends.

However, my best friend was my shadow. He went with me everywhere I went. He played the same games I played. He liked the same animals I liked. We were inseparable. Even when I went to bed at night, he was tucked in right beside me. When the lights went out, I would not worry because I knew he would be there in the morning when I woke up.

We would then start the day again. My shadow always right beside me. I would laugh and smile. We would eat together, play together, and at night we would sleep together. Through the years that would never change.

Until one morning I woke up and it did change. My shadow was gone.

I looked for him everywhere. In the glow of the kitchen light at breakfast, outside at the brightest time of day, and at night with my bedside lamp, but he was nowhere to be found.

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I became dark. My smile went away. I no longer laughed. I no longer wanted to play or talk to anyone, even my parents. I wanted to stay in my room all day and all night.

I wasn’t happy. Why would my shadow leave me? There was no explanation that I could find. I woke up one morning and everything had changed. I tried to snap out of it but couldn’t. My parents tried. Nothing worked.

I even quit looking for my shadow.

I lashed out at everyone. Just leave me alone. The darkness would not go away. I hated the person I had become. I felt like a prisoner, trapped in my own mind. I thought things I could not believe I was thinking. I felt like hurting myself, hurting others. I quit doing my schoolwork and I was getting into trouble at school.

Then one day, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw my shadow. It was only a glimpse, a split second, and I could’ve been wrong, but a hope came over me. A hope I clinged to. And as I started to hope, the darkness started to leave me. And as the darkness started to leave me, I started seeing my shadow everywhere.

And as I started seeing my shadow everywhere, I started finding me everywhere.

The darkness did not win. I could smile again. I was me again.

I know not everyone can find their shadow, if you need someone to talk to reach out to

Depression – 855-403-7229  ,

Text CONNECT to 741741

Suicide – 1-800-273-8255    https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

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Image result for depression suicide quotes

Dodging Raindrops by 311-

I Miss Those Days by NF-

Fell From The Moon by 3 Doors Down –

Someone To Talk To by Tenth Avenue North-

Love Is Stronger by Matt Kennon –

I Smile by Lotte Sollie  –

Don’t Worry by 311-

Call On Me by Starley –

Carry On by Young Rising Sons-

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