The Last Of The Innocent

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I had one job. Why they entrusted me with this job I had no idea. I’m not the most reliable person, but that is another story. Perhaps they thought I had a strength in me that even I did not know I had. Perhaps they secretly thought I would fail.

Protect the child.

That was my one and only job.

The child was the last of the innocent. All the others have allowed the world to take their innocence away. All the others before had failed to protect their child they were assigned. I would not fail mine. I could not fail. After all, this child was the last. If I failed, all innocence would be lost.

As soon as I had put the the thoughts in my head that I could and would do it, the lies started. Do you really think you can do this? All others have failed, what makes you so special? Why would they even pick someone like you? All hail the king of double standards.

Then the fear followed shortly after. What if I can’t? What will happen to the world? Will everyone blame me? What will they do to me when I fail?

When I fail? A few moments ago I was thinking that I could not fail. How quickly the momentum shifted. It wasn’t even like I believed the lies and fears, but the crack had opened that made me not believe the truth, that I could protect this child.

At first, when I looked at the child I felt a huge burden on my shoulders. I had anxiety and my heart would beat a million beats a minute. Then the child would look at me and smile and all that went away. It wasn’t my job to protect the child from all the harm in this world. It was my job to show the child all that was good in this world. It was my job to love the child, unconditionally. It was my job to teach the child the way the child should go. It was my job to teach the child of hope, faith, and love. It was my job to show forgiveness. We all make mistakes and the child must learn from me on how to handle them.

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It was my job to show the child what a good man should be, even when the child was no where around. It was my job to be a light when most people see only darkness. It was my job to behave in such a way that if the child saw me, the child would not disapprove.

I realized my one job in protecting the child was turning into a lot of other jobs. They all worked together for one purpose, protecting the child.

In the end, it was a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I had to watch every move I made and every word I said. I had to not only teach love but show love. It became easier each and every day as I lived what I was taught and what I passed down to the child. It is a difficult world, one with a lot of jaded people. But, there are also a lot of good people. There is more hope and more love than I have ever seen before. There is light forcing its way into the cracks of darkness.

I could not let lies and fear win. It was my job to protect the child. Now the child must go out into the world.

Will you watch for the child and help when you see the child? Now it is in your hands. You, the world, must protect the child. It is time for us all to rise up and protect the last of the innocent.

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Pick It Up by Luke Bryan – 

Way Beyond Myself by Newsboys – 

Safe In My Father’s Arms by Sanctus Real-  

You Are The Reason by Calum Scott- 

Ready by Third Day – 

Why Not Me?

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You look at me with tears in your eyes

Begging, pleading, asking God why?

You say I am too young

Too much life left to be done

High school graduation, jobs, marriage, children

Heroes and villains and all that will remain hidden

I am telling you it’s okay

I smile and simply say

Why not me?

Maybe it has to be

If it’s God’s plan and it’s my time

Then in His hands I will be fine

A plan

We can’t understand

A better lesson learned

A life being returned

My heart given to someone new

My kidneys will be donated too

My lungs will help someone breathe

Parts of me will continue to be

Maybe a foundation in my name

Will raise enough to change the game

In the meantime don’t be sad

Remember the time we have had

A lifetime wrapped up in just a few short years

When you cry let them be joyful tears

Things happen that only He can see

So I ask again, why not me?

Why should it be yourself

Or even someone else?

I am strong, brave, and courageous, can’t you see?

That is why I say why not me?

I trust in God’s plan so I don’t ask why me?

Let your smile be the last thing I see

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If you would like to help, there are many foundations to donate. Here are a few:

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Little Giants by Tay Barton – 

Sing Me To Heaven by Bradley Walker – 

Kola by Damien Jurado – 

Braid My Hair by Randy Owen –  

Thy Will by Hillary Scott –   

No One Fights Alone by Christian Spear – 

Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood – 

I’m Gonna Love You Through It by Martina McBride –  

It’s All About Me – A Child’s Version


It’s All About Me – (How a conversation with Kylie made me think)

Before I start I just want to add I know it is important to have me time. It’s important to be able to wind down after work, to exercise, to write, to read, whatever you do that takes care of yourself. Even Jesus went by himself to have some me time. It’s when those me times become all the time or you ignore others in your life. Sometimes I don’t want to go toss ball with Kylie when I get home but if she comes out, I play. I want her to remember the times I said yes and not the times I said no.

On my days off Kylie and I always wake each other up. We then go downstairs and I grab a water and she turns on Cake Boss. I sit with her for a minute then I go to work on my blog. The Cake Boss episodes are all reruns so I didn’t think it was a big deal if I was with Kylie or not. Little did I know.

Some nights while we are watching the shows we watch together I will get out my tablet and jot down some ideas or start writing something that pops in my head. No biggie right, we are stil right beside each other watching our shows like we always do. Little did I know.

Thursday night Kylie was eating strawberry shortcake in the living room and she spilled it on the couch. She yelled for me to come in and my first reaction was “Kylie how did this happen and why are you eating in the living room!”  I didn’t think I yelled but I could tell by her face that I came across harsh. She then said we just ate strawberry shortcake in the living room last night.  Point Kylie- because we did. I caught what I did and within seconds I apologized to her and said it wasn’t a big deal just get a wet rag and a dry rag and we will clean it up. I even made a joke that it was all milk, no strawberries. What did you do, save the strawberries for the next one? She laughed. End of discussion right? Wrong.

Fast forward to Sunday night. Kylie is training for her first quarter marathon at the end of August. Her bff Brinley is also doing it and training with Kylie. We are on the week of three mile run, which Kylie has done probably thirty times before. She has ran alot of 5k’s. Anyway our last few runs she hasn’t been herself and I yell out her to encourage her. Come on Kylie, what’s up with that stride, you must well be walking. C’mon Kylie, what’s going on with you, you are never this far back. Looking at it in writing I can tell it isn’t encouraging but that’s what I was trying to do.

Sunday night Brinley and I were out in front and Kim was with Kylie, because Kylie was going slow again, and Kim was even asking her what was wrong. This isn’t like you to complain when you run, your stride is off, etc… Finally Kylie broke down and started to cry.

Anyway she spilled the beans to Kim. She said how she doesn’t like me blogging in the mornings – I didn’t think it was a big deal since she was watching Cake Boss.  She doesn’t like me on my tablet at night because that just used to be me and her time and now I don’t even pay attention to the shows – I do but I can see her point.  She doesn’t like me yelling at her when she is running – again I thought I was encouraging. She brought up how I yelled at her for spilling the strawberry shortcake – no mention of my apology or making a joke of it. She told Kim she wanted her to talk to me about it so Kim did.

Wow, I didn’t know. In Kylie’s eyes, I was doing what I wanted to do. I was doing all about me. (even though I thought I was still spending time with her.)

Kylie and I talked and I told her if she ever feels that way that she needs to talk right there and then.  Don’t let it stay in her. I then asked her why she didn’t mention the apology and joke on the strawberry shortcake. She said she didn’t remember those.

Lessons for dads : It’s the yelling the children remember, not what comes after. Take a look at your own life. Do you remember more when you were yelled at and bad things happened to you or do you remember the good things? Think before you speak,  think before you act, love before you anger and hate. Quality time. Children want more of your undivided, attention all on them Time more than anything. Do you say yes or no more. When you are with your children are you constantly checking your phone -I have failed recently. Are you too busy thinking about your day at work or what is going to happen tomorrow to hear the conversation your child is talking to you about now? Time lost is time you will never get back.

Even though I try to do my best, I mess up. I’m only human.

Thanks Kylie for opening my eyes to my faults. I will pray to do better.

How do you want to be remembered in your children’s eyes? How do you want this world to remember you? I was here and I did what I wanted or I was here and I gave my life to serving others?

Remembered by BBoss – 

He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli – 

Emotionless by Good Charlotte –

Cat’s In The Cradle by Harry Chapin –

Walk A Little Straighter by Billy Currington –

For The Love of A Daughter by Demi Lovato – 

New Man by All Things New –

Face It by NF –

Human by Christina Perri – 

I Was Here by Beyonce – 

I Was Here by Lady Antebellum – 

Price Tag by Jessie J – 

23 Days Down, 59 Days To Go

59 days. That’s 1,416 hours. That’s 84,960 minutes left. Left of what you may ask? Summer break. Seriously, I think I might go nuts. I work 3.5 days a week and off 3.5 days a week so I am home with Kylie for 3.5 days while my wife trains in the morning. That’s with one child. I can’t imagine being a stay at home parent with two or more. Hats off to you stay at home moms and dads. Kylie is an awesome daughter and she is very independent when it comes to most things and she isn’t one to constantly be up my butt, so why I am saying only 59 days left?

It’s because I feel like I lost my freedom. I feel like I am selfish. I feel like I constantly have to entertain her. I feel like I can’t go workout. I feel like I can’t go out and run for an hour. I feel like……  I feel like I won’t have many of these summers with her left.

Those of you that have older children know how fast these times go and I know in a few years she won’t want to snuggle and watch tv with me. I know she will want to spend more time with her friends than with me. I know how I spend this time with her now will influence how she relates to other men in her life as she gets older. I know she watches me and how I handle difficult situations. I know she watches me to see if I read the Bible today. I know that when we go anywhere and she holds my hand there is no place I would rather be in this world.  I know I wasn’t the greatest father to my oldest daughters. I know during the years when they were this age, I worked 60-70 hours a week. I know I missed a lot of life with them. Time I will never get back. They will never truly know how it pained me to miss that time and how sorry I am. I know I don’t want to miss it with my last daughter.

I feel like I will gladly give up my freedom because I know I will be selfish to spend as much time with her before she moves on to the rest of her life. It won’t be long until we go from “Just Fishin” to “Cleaning My Gun”. One day I will blink and wish I had  59 days, 1416 hours, 84960 minutes to spend with her.

Dear God, thank You for this time You have given me to spend with my daughter. I pray that when I get frustrated with not having enough me time that You remind me this is the time You have given me to spend with her, to bond with her, to teach her about You, to love her,  and to cherish her. I pray that You help me with my older daughters to be able to speak with them, spend time with them, and make up for the time I missed with them. Thank you for my family. In Your name, amen.

It Won’t Be Like This For Long by Darius Rucker – 

You’re Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins – 

Let Them Be Little by Billy Dean – 

My Little Girl by Tim Mcgraw – 

Just Fishin by Trace Adkins – 

Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman – 

Don’t Blink by Kenny Chesney – 

Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle – 

There Goes My Life by Kenny Chesney – 

Photograph by Ed Sheeran – 

Watching You by Rodney Atkins – 

Heaven by Live – 

One Life To Love by 33 Mile – 

Turn Around Slowly by David Kauffman – 

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift – 

Handprints On The Wall by Kenny Rogers – 

You’ll Always Be My Baby by Sara Evans – 

You Can Let Go  by Crystal Shawanda – from birth to death wow… 

Daddy Dance With Me by Krystal Keith – 

Butterfly Fly Away by Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus – 


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