Category: poems

Inside My Head (Seeing A Therapist)

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, poems, PoetryLeave a comment

Wow! It is hard to believe this was 17 months ago. I wanted to repost it to encourage others to not give up. It is a slow, long process to get from where I was to where I am. Take small steps each day. If you take a step back, do not beat yourself up, give yourself grace. One of the biggest things I have learned is YOU have to do the work. God can tell you what you need to do, your therapist/counselor can tell you what to do, but until YOU do the work, you will not heal and live the way you are meant to live. If God or someone told you to be entirely healed, no more depression, anxiety, self doubt, not liking yourself, etc. you must walk 12 hours a day for the next 7 days, I am betting there are not many people that would do that work, even though they know after 7 days they will be healed.

It is up to you and you are stronger than your storm, braver than the battles you fight, and you are worth it. Believe it!!

Since early September, I’ve been seeing a therapist

Thought I’d knock some things off my list

I knew I had one or two, no more than three

But inside of my head is a scary place to be

The monsters in my head

Have been fed and fed

I found things I forgot I lost

Buried deep, but at a cost

Didn’t want to talk but I spilled my guts

Didn’t know I was this messed up

Often putting myself in solitary

To find out I’m my own worst adversary

I’ve had walls built so high

I forgot what was locked inside

They say scars make you stronger but they hurt like hell

I never knew I had so many stories to tell

Didn’t know I was broken until those words were spoken

Here I am standing on the ledge hopin’

Someone, anyone will pull me back

But I don’t think I know anyone like that

Can you hear me shout?

My silence is so loud

Slowly we’ve been tearing some of those walls down

A little hope but, at times, I felt as if I would drown

We all grieve in our own way

I kept throwing things in an open grave

Tossing my feelings and emotions inside

Always looking for a place to hide

No fears, no tears for too many years

All the while, collecting a lot of souvenirs

But those souvenirs were really just debris

Weighing me down, keeping me from being me

Little did I know they were tearing my world apart

All those things that were hidden in the dark

I’m starting to see in a new light

I know my life’s worth the fight

I still don’t know what’s on the other side of the door

But I’ll take the next step forward to be healthier than before

Citizen Soldier is one of my favorite bands and most of their songs I feel like they were inside my head when they wrote them so here are some of their songs.

Bedroom Ceiling-

I’m Not Okay-

If I Surrender-

Hand Me Down-

Weight Of The World-

Stronger Than My Storm-

Invisible-

Would Anyone Care? –

Just Be Happy-

Fire Alarm, Fire Alarm

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, poems, Poetry1 Comment

Fire alarm, fire alarm, why do you hate me so?

Why, at 1 and 4 am, do you think there’s fire and smoke?

Is it because I forgot to change your battery?

Is that a reason to be that cruel to me?

Why not remind me at 7 or 9 pm on a Monday?

Is it because this is the game you like to play?

I’ve got news for you, even though I lost ten minutes of sleep

I will have a great day, my grateful attitude I will keep

Especially when I saw this beautiful sunrise

Fire alarm, fire alarm, I’m thankful you’re here to save my life

Sometimes I Wish I Wasn’t Me

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, how do you want to be remembered, poems, Poetry2 Comments

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me

That inside I could be ugly

That I could cheat and lie

But I know if I did, a part of me would die

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me

And I didn’t take care of my responsibilities

That I could go and buy the next big thing

But if I did, I know happiness it would not bring

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me

That I didn’t have morals or integrity

That I didn’t believe in what I believe

But then I wonder who would I be?

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me

That I had the ability to deceive

But then I would wish I was somebody else

Because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me

That I didn’t love so easily

That I could use people for my pleasure

But if I did I would feel terrible, not better

Sometime I wish I wasn’t me

I wish I could crawl into the dark and never leave

But I know there’s a fighter deep inside

That would never let me give up my life

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me

But those times are only paragraphs of my story

And I have entire chapters full of history

Of why I’m thankful I am me

Autumn

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, love, love again, poems, Poetry2 Comments

To be clear, there is no Autumn or anyone else. I’m still figuring out how my new life will look and ready to explore that life alone for awhile. But when the time is right, I hope it comes so unexpectedly I have to catch my breath.

But I might have a little crush on Autumn Reeser.

Winter came and I was dark inside

Wasn’t living, just trying to survive

Wasn’t looking forward to Spring

There wasn’t a love song I could sing

And for once, I didn’t want the Summer heat

Then I saw you and you smiled at me

I wasn’t looking, didn’t see this coming

If I did I probably would’ve been running

I wasn’t ready for this again

Wasn’t ready for these feelings to begin

Wasn’t looking to love someone else

But you know I can’t lie to myself

These feelings I wasn’t expecting at all

Damn Autumn, I wasn’t expecting to fall

My life is now brighter than the colors of the leaves

And when I’d all but given up I now can believe

Love’s walked out the door so many times before

I was done, didn’t want it anymore

My heart was healing when I thought it was dead

Taking my time to clear out my head

Tired of being hurt and given up on love

Wasn’t even something I was thinking of

Then I saw you and you smiled at me

I caught my breath as my heart skipped a beat

These feelings I wasn’t expecting at all

Damn Autumn, I wasn’t expecting to fall

So Small

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, Growing Up, poems, PoetryLeave a comment

I got this scar under my chin

Riding down Devil’s Hill on my Schwinn

Hands in the air, flying like the wind

Don’t remember how I ended up on the ground

It was always two weeks before Christmas Eve

When we’d go buy that eleven foot tree

Some things I thought I’d always believe

But I’m back in my hometown and I’m looking around

And I’m kinda confused

Cause everything looks so small

Devil’s Hill isn’t quite that big

And that tree couldn’t have been that tall

When our ceiling is only eight feet

My bedroom always felt big enough

My mom would yell down the hall

Money was tight but we had lots of love

But now it all looks so small

My friends would play ball in the yard

Now I’m out here under the stars

Wondering where they all are

And how did we ever play out here

When a blanket saved you from the monsters outside

When we were young and thought we’d never die

When my parents were bigger than life

And now I wipe away a tear

And I’m kinda confused

Cause everything looks so small

And we visit my dads grave

And my mom doesn’t stand as tall

And she isn’t as strong as she used to be

This house was always big enough

And mom’s voice doesn’t quite carry down the hall

Money’s no longer a problem but man, where is the love ?

And I hold my mom’s hand wondering how it all got so small

And I wonder if I would’ve stayed

Would time still have taken it all away?

Maybe I’ll see it all again through my children’s eyes

I look away before they see me cry as I start to realize

One day they will ask how did it all get so small

This ocean we fished in is only a lake

And did we really play ball in this yard?

And they realize not all monsters are fake

When a hundred channels wasn’t enough

And when their dad seemed so tall

And I hope they know they were loved

When they wonder how it all got so small

And remember when their dad was strong and tall

Unconditional Love

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, divorce, poems, Poetry, unconditional loveLeave a comment

You watch me grab my keys and put on my coat

And you know it’s off to work I go

You walk me to the door

Silently saying I love you more

When I come home and the garage door goes up

You’re always there to greet me with nothing but love

And no matter what we went through that day

I know you will always be here to stay

I don’t know if I can love you like you love me

Because I don’t know if I can love that unconditionally

You’re always there when I want to talk

You never say no when I want to take a walk

You’re the best listener, never judging me

You’re my shotgun rider in the passenger seat

You kiss my tears when I’m sad

You snuggle beside me when I’m mad

You’re laying here beside me in my bed

I talk but will you remember the words I said

I wonder if you’ll remember that it’s nothing you did

When you’re looking around the house like I hid

And when I’m nowhere to be found

You’ll never give up, always looking around

I wonder if she knows how much she’s changed your life too

When you stare out the window waiting for me to come home to you

Break Free Elephant

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, love who you are, poems, PoetryLeave a comment

(note, I took this idea from The Parable of The Elephant and turned it into what I know)

I have a story to tell about a young elephant

Who was born perfect, she was heaven-sent

And as she grew she felt as if her life was excellent

But being tied by a rope was the only life she knew

So she thought it was all normal as she grew

And she didn’t know there was a love that was true

And time went by and through no fault of her own

She wanted love but felt as if love was never shown

She wanted to be seen but felt as if she wasn’t known

So she broke free and was on her own until she met some guys

They sweet talked her and she believed all their lies

They tied a rope around her leg and she didn’t question why

It was what she knew and they told her how much she was loved

She was beautiful and this and that and such and such

And she felt loved and wanted when she was being touched

At times, thoughts of escape would cross her mind

But she dismissed them because these guys were so kind

But she was blind to this rope that binds

Then one day a really nice man said hello

And a true love, he really did show

And he asked elephant, I really want to know

You are so big and so strong, why do you not flee?

Why do you let this rope keep you from being free?

The elephant said this is the life I’ve lived and it’s how it’ll always be

The man said I don’t believe you feel as if that’s true

Because you must really know if they truly loved you

They wouldn’t keep you tied up as you grew

I know you don’t try to escape because you’ve always lived this way

And I want you to know these chains that hold you in place you can break

Love yourself and forgive yourself, you are precious, not a mistake

Don’t continue to give power to those that never loved you and that were negligent

When the wrong kind of love and affection was given during your years of development

So please listen to me, from someone who unconditionally loves you, elephant

Look deep inside your mind and your heart

It’s time, elephant, for a fresh start

This life you’ve lived you must depart

You don’t want to live this way any longer, this we both know

So I’m telling you this elephant to give you hope

Don’t let your life be defined, please do not be confined by this rope

Do not be ambivalent, you were meant to rise above your environment

Because you are elegant, intelligent, and most magnificent

You are worthy, you are enough and you are loved elephant

Love Not Hate- Christmas Eve

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, Christmas, poems, Poetry3 Comments

cardinals, goldfinch, bluebird, nuthatch, chickadee:
art credit: James Hautman

History of the birds:

Love, Not Hate: Part 1

Love, Not Hate: Part Two

Love, Not Hate: Christmas Eve

Love, Not Hate: A New Chapter

Love, Not Hate: A New World

Love, Not Hate: The Division

Love, Not Hate: The Reconciliation

Love, Not Hate: Tragedy At Mandalay Bay

Love, Not Hate: Continue To Love

Love Not Hate: Love On Trial

Love Not Hate- Trick or Treat, Halloween Night

Love Not Hate- Teach A Human Day

Love Not Hate – Tragedy in Texas

It was Christmas Eve all through the land

All the birds stared in amazement at the Christmas tree so grand

The little birds could barely contain their excitement

The older birds looked on, filled with contentment

The eagle remembered how far they have come

He remembered all the work ALL the birds had done

Which made this day an even more special day

He took his place and said: “Birds, I have something to say”

Want to see one--not at a zoo--SOON!:
photo credit: Paula Krugerud Photography

“I’ll keep it short since tonight the little ones can’t be up late.”

“It has been a long time since we chose to love instead of hate.”

“It was a lot of work to repair our broken relationships.”

“As you all know, it hasn’t always gone to script.”

“We have learned from our mistakes, our experiences.”

“We have learned to work through our differences.”

“We have returned this land to the way it was created.”

“For that reason alone, tonight we ALL should be celebrated!”

“We are gathered here today because of the one who was born.”

“Who also died for us, tattered and torn.”

“As some of us birds are getting older,

We know we can’t carry this land on our shoulders.”

“We must teach the next generation

That love is the only way to rule this nation!”

All the birds started to sing

A beautiful sound that caused a gathering

All the animals from the forest came

The deer, the rabbit, the skunk and others you know by name

They gathered around the Christmas tree

They held hands and all sung with glee

The sound reached near and far

Then humans arrived, by foot and by car

They couldn’t believe their eyes

It was then they started to realize

Everything they thought they knew had to be ruled out

Because right there was a hawk singing with a field mouse

There was a bear beside a deer

There was a sheep standing by a wolf  with no fear

There was a fox right beside a hare

All these beautiful birds were there

They could hardly believe their ears

When the animals said: “There is nothing here to fear!”

“Yes, at one time we were all enemies!”

“We decided to let love rule our hearts until our eyes could see!”

Then the humans held each other’s hands

All the different people across the land

Blacks and whites, Muslim and Christian

All races, all people, could see the animals vision

The eagle then spoke once again:

“One last thing to say my friends.”

“To move forward you must move on from the past!”

“You have to live as last is first and first is last.”

“Let every man, every woman, every boy, every girl

Know what it’s like to have peace in this world!”

“Let ALL our voices join together as we sing Silent Night!”

Then they sang Joy To The World  and We Wish You A Merry Christmas

I can only say it’s all true, as I was there to witness

All the birds of a different color

Helped all the people discover

Instead of fighting they should ALL join hands

Because love is the only way to rule the land

Merry Christmas to ALL and to ALL a love filled night 

Image result for animals around a christmas tree

Image result for bible verse on christmas

Let It Be Christmas by Alan Jackson –

Santa’s Wish (Teach The World) by The Tenors –

Better Together by Gaither Vocal Band –

Join With The Angels by Matthew West –

Rest In You Tonight by The Oak Ridge Boys –

Gather Round by Band Of Merrymakers –

The Night Before Christmas by Brandon Heath –

Wish List by 7eventh Time Down –

Silent Night by Pentatonix –

Our Last Christmas Eve (In A Place We Called Our Home)

On By roberthansen1317In Be thankful for what you have, Christian life, divorce, forgiveness, God heals, God in your marriage, marriage, memories, Miracles, poems, Poetry6 Comments

I know it’s only made of wood and stone

But it’s the first place we called our home

It’s where we went when you became my wife

Where our girls grew up and learned about life

Where we had safety after a hard day

And it’s where we came when we lost our way

Where memories were more than the past

Where I thought our love would always last

Now there’s a for sale sign in the yard

And I never thought it would be this hard

To say goodbye to some wood and stone

And I never thought I’d feel this alone

In a place we called our home

We smile through our last Christmas Eve

And I really wish I could believe

Santa could save our love and our home

I watch you sitting there reading your book

You catch me and smile with a knowing look

Sometimes I swear you can read my mind

Wanting to give it another try, but it’s time

I see all the presents under the tree

But the only gift I want is for you to love me

That’s a miracle only God can provide

Cause we’re already living separate lives

Now there’s a for sale sign in the yard

And I never thought it would be this hard

To say goodbye to some wood and stone

And I never thought I’d feel this alone

In a place we called our home

We smile through our last Christmas Eve

And I really wish I could believe

God could save our love and our home

I wonder if these floors will still creak in a few years

I wonder if these walls will remember our laughs and tears

These windows never quite kept out the cold

There are so many stories left untold

Now there’s a for sale sign in the yard

And I never thought it would be this hard

To say goodbye to some wood and stone

And I never thought I’d feel this alone

In a place we called our home

We smile through our last Christmas Eve

And I really wish I could believe

We could save our love and our home

Wrapping Presents For Myself by Chris Isaak –

New Year’s Day by Rob Thomas –

Christmas Through The Years by Matthew West –

That Silent Night by Jim Brickman feat Kenny Rogers –

I Wanna Live In That Town

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, Christmas, poems, Poetry7 Comments

I wanna live in that town

Where love is always found

It’s in all the Hallmark movies

Where Main Street is lit up like a city

Everyone has a smile on their face

The grinches have all been replaced

The Christmas tree shines on the square

It seems like the entire town is there

I wanna live in that town

Where happy endings are all around

Where snowmen never melt

And only happiness is felt

Where children wait anxiously

For Santa to come down the chimney

Where miracles are found on every corner

Somehow the cold always feels a little warmer

But I wonder come January

Will it all have been a fantasy

But then, this thought came to my mind

I laughed out loud as I started to realize

My eyes they started to twinkle

Could it really be this simple?

This place that I’m writing about

Where love and kindness is always found

That the Christmas spirit in this town

It can live in me all year round

That Spirit of Christmas by Ray Charles –

I Don’t Want Christmas To End by Zach Williams –