This morning, I took the subway to Coney Island. It was always your favorite place. The noises, the laughter and the screams. You always said the smells brought you back to your childhood. I looked out over the water as the sun was rising. My whole world shattered on this day eighteen years ago and all I could do now was take a deep breath, hold it for as long as I could and slowly exhale.
Eighteen years ago today. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday, other times it seems like a lifetime ago. What I wouldn’t give to have you back, to go back in time and keep you from going to work that day. How much different would my life, our life had been? Would it have changed that much? Life went on without you, even though I still don’t know if mine has completely.
Our kids are grown now. Eighteen years of memories, smiles and tears. I am a grandpa now, which means you would’ve been the best grandma. Sometimes when I hold her I can see you sitting in your old chair smiling. I can see you holding her like you held our daughter. You were the best mom. The best wife.
Eighteen years and we have survived, even if we are not whole since a piece of us is missing. Eighteen years of wishes and prayers that will never come true.
I think you would be really disappointed with our world now. Eighteen years later and the terrorists still hate America, maybe even more now. Eighteen years and we are still fighting the same war and I don’t even know what we are fighting for anymore. It seems hopeless. This world is a mess. Hate is rampant. Mass shootings every day it seems like. All those lives lost for nothing. It seems like most people have grown numb to it all and have given up hope.
Sometimes I wonder if God has abandoned us. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn’t do something. Sometimes I wonder why I don’t do something. I know you would’ve done something. You always saw the best in everyone and everything.
Most of those times I will find comfort and hope in your old Bible that still sits on the table on your side of the bed. The answers are there in your favorite highlighted passages.
In a way I am happy for you that you aren’t here to see all this. But maybe if you were here you would be the one that would change it all. I know there is good out there. I know there are still good people in this world. We just need more of them to step up and do something. Change this world you so loved.
Anyway, most days I am good. Some days the wind will blow and caress my cheek and I feel like you are still here with me and I can’t help but smile. Other days, like today and even after all these years, I can’t stop crying and I have to stop and pick up the broken pieces of my heart and push on.
I can see you giving me that look now. I know, I know. You wouldn’t want me to be sad, but even a warrior has his moments when he isn’t so tough. But like a warrior, I will fight on another day.
So today, eighteen years after you left us, I still will not say goodbye. I will never say goodbye. How can I when, like on that day and all days when you left for work, I can still see you smiling at me, giving me a wink and saying love you hon, see ya later.
So babe, I love you just as much today as I did the first day we met and I will see ya later.
If you want to cry, listen to this first song, I tear up every single time I hear it. And it is a good story of how a child grows up without her dad she lost in 9/11
I Miss You Daddy-
The Ones That Didn’t Make It Back Home by Justin Moore –
If I Had Only Known by Reba McEntire-
Jersey On The Wall ( I’m Just Asking) by Tenille Townes-
I came home from work Friday night and Kim told me Deanna, one of her best friends and mentor, told her about a vision her daughter had. Her daughter just finished her freshman year of college and truly lives for Jesus. Deanna said maybe Rob can turn her vision into a poem or a song. I took Kylie up to get her shower ready and sat down and this is what came out.
It is truly an inspiring vision and I hope my words do it justice.
Gave You My Heart
I gave you my heart and you walked away
You’re my dad, you were supposed to stay
I couldn’t keep it all together today
I grabbed what was left of my heart and walked to the beach
Walked far enough until your memory was out of reach
I screamed at you dad until I was too hoarse to speak
Then I saw a piece of sea glass so bright
It had such a mysterious light
It was like a piece of day in the darkest night
I bent down and dug with my free hand
There had to be more pieces under the sand
That’s when I felt the presence of another man
It was like a dream as my other hand held my heart
The one that you, dad, had ripped apart
Then I had a thought, this isn’t the end but a brand new start
I felt this man telling me to turn in his direction
But I couldn’t so I grabbed my sea glass collection
And I tried to hold a piece just right to see his reflection
I couldn’t turn around, I knew what he wanted me to do
I couldn’t give him my heart dad, I had given it to you
And I was scared he would walk away with it too
Then his hand touched my shoulder
My courage grew just a little bit bolder
My tears started to flow as I began to molder
I turned and as he reached for me I saw the scars on his hand
He looked at me and I knew he wasn’t just a man
That’s when I dropped my sea glass in the sand
I let him hold me for what seemed like an hour
I could feel his gentleness, as well as his power
I felt his love pour down on me like a summer shower
I whispered, “If I give you me heart will you walk away?”
He said “I’m your father. I’ve never left, I will always stay.”
I knew he was telling the truth so I gave my heart to him that day
(image credit: Kevin Carden Photography)
Busted Heart ( Hold On To Me) by For King and Country –
I have not done one of these in awhile, long overdue. Tired of all the bad news, check out some of these websites, and there are many more, to see uplifting stories.
Naive by Andy Grammar –
Thank You For Being You by Brady Rhymer –
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from goodnewsnetwork.org
When Kenyan Team is at Disadvantage Because of Their Shoes, Israeli Squad Buys Them All New Cleats
When the Israeli women’s lacrosse team noticed that their opponents on the Kenyan team were playing at a disadvantage, they resolved to fix it.
The Israeli team beat Kenya 13-4 during their match in the Women’s Lacrosse World Championships in Ontario, Canada last week.
Though the victors were happy to have won, they noticed that the Kenyan team was playing without cleats.
Since the two teams also happened to form solid friendships with each other during their time on and off the field, a few of the Israeli players asked their parents for help buying proper footwear for their new international friends.
With the help of tournament officials, the Israeli girls met up with the Kenyan team the day after their match and gifted them all brand new cleats.
Needless to say, the resulting joy between the two teams was particularly contagious.
After finally being given the tools to play on an even footing, the Kenyan Lacrosse Team
went on to beat Belgium 16-9 for their second win in the tournament the very next day—and they were quick to thank their Israeli friends for the leg up.
“A brilliant win today on the slippery surface thanks to [Israel Lacrosse] and our cleats!” wrote the Kenyan team’s Twitter page.
“The support from all around the world for our African Queens is priceless and hugely humbling,” they added. “The attention on and off the pitch for these players is more than all the nations competing combined… and rightly so.”
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from goodnewsnetwork.org
School Superintendent is Using His First Ever $10,000 Bonus to Pay For Students’ College Applications
Rather than pocketing his first ever $10,000 bonus, this public school system superintendent is using the money to cover the college application fees of his high school students.
44-year-old Grant Rivera, who has been the superintendent of the Marietta School District in Georgia since 2016, says that he is eligible for the bonus every three years if he receives a satisfactory performance review.
Rivera is donating the bonus to the Marietta Schools Foundation so that it can help students who apply to colleges ahead of regular application deadlines.
“I don’t believe that a bonus provided by the board should be earned on the backs of the teachers,” Rivera told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “My hope is that it’s an incentive for kids to do the right thing.”
Of the 500 high schoolers in the graduating class, Rivera estimates that 150 to 200 students will apply to college.
If the application fees of his students exceed the amount of his $10,000 donation, he plans on paying out of pocket in order to cover the additional expenses—if there is any money leftover after his students have finished with their applications, then the funds will be used to finance college bus tours in Georgia.
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from sunnyskyz.com
Neighbors Raise $50,000 In A Week To Help Special Needs Friend Keep His Home
August 6, 2019
Lamar Harris is a special needs adult with the mental abilities of a preteen. He has lived in his house in Gloucester Township, NJ, his entire life.
But Harris risked losing his home in weeks if he didn’t pay $50,000.
When neighbors discovered that he was days away from losing the home he’d grown up in, they rallied and raised more than $67,000.
As a result of the death of his family members, his reading deficits, and his inability to understand finances, Harris had fallen behind in his property taxes. They have not been paid since his father died in 2015.
So when he received a legal complaint that threatened him with foreclosure as a result of unpaid taxes and interest payments, his friends scrambled to help.
Terri Fretz, who has known Harris for 38 years, set up a GoFundMe page to try and settle his debts.
“We, his neighbors, have all banded together and have been watching out for Lamar since his dad died. This problem just recently came to light and is too big for just his neighbors to handle,” Fretz wrote on GoFundMe.
And in just one week, they raised enough money to satisfy the lien and pay almost all of his 2019 taxes.
Harris was so thrilled when he heard he’d be able to stay in Cherry Circle, he called everyone on his street and met them in their yards to celebrate, Fretz told CNN.
She posted an update on GoFundMe to thank everyone who donated.
“We want to thank the hundreds of wonderful people who found room for Lamar in their hearts. You are all proof that kindness can make a difference in a person’s life in a big way. We have raised the money needed to pay off the lien that was placed on Lamar’s home. He is very grateful and understands the kindness that has been bestowed upon him. All donations that he continues to receive will be applied to Lamar’s future and current needs (attorney fees, current year taxes, home maintenance). All money will be deposited into a bank account set up solely for the Lamar’s benefit. There is still good in the world. There is still hope for us all.”
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from sunnyskyz.com
60 Farmers Harvest Crop For Neighbor Battling Cancer
August 13, 2019
Sixty farmers in Washington came out and harvested the wheat crop of a neighbor who is battling cancer.
Larry Yockey owns a 12 hundred acre farm in Ritzville. But he has stage 4 skin cancer and can no longer work his fields.
So, his neighbors came out with their equipment. They were able to complete three weeks worth of harvesting in just six hours.
“It’s not describable the gratitude I have for what’s going on,” Yockey said.
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from MSN.com
Helping Sanford, Maine’s homeless one hot meal at a time
Lindsey Mills
In Sanford, police say the homeless population has increased significantly in recent years. In response, they’ve formed a new task force to help get the homeless the resources they need to get back on their feet.Meanwhile, there’s another group that’s helping at the same time, a family that immigrated to Maine from Jamaica years ago.Inside One Love Cuisine on a Monday morning, you’ll find jerk chicken sizzling on the grill and vegetables being slice up and plopped in the stockpot.
It looks like any restaurant kitchen. But these meals aren’t meant for customers.
“I’m going to bring some food for Darian and Tammy first,” said Lisa Tomlinson. “They’re over by that camp over there.”
Jamaican immigrant family helps feed Sanford’s homeless
Lisa Tomlinson whips up some favorite family recipes for people who can’t afford them at the restaurant, and can barely afford anything, at all.”Hey, George!”
With help from her brother and sister in law, Tomlinson feeds Sanford’s homeless as often as they can. Sometimes daily.
“I’m back!”
She doesn’t just provide them with a hot meal.
“Nice to meet you, Rob. Hey Devin.”
She knows many of them by name and makes an effort to find out who they really are.
“You talked to your mom? That’s awesome.”
For some, those meaningful conversations and big hugs mean more than the food she delivers.
“At first it was kind of like, ‘woah, who is this person? What do they want?’ said one man. “You know it felt like they wanted something from us they can’t just be going out of their way for us. Then it started it became every day she brings us a meal. She tells us she loves us, she takes care of us.”
“Just to see the human compassion that the woman has is quite amazing,” said Detective Eric Small.
Detective Small says he also is working to provide hope and give the homeless the resources they need, by way of a new task force which consists of four members of the Sanford Police Department.
“Last week officers spent time giving out shoes or giving people socks, or t-shirts or toiletries. Driving people to doctor’s appointments or to take a shower or to get their medicine,” he said.
Help can come in many forms. For Lisa Tomlinson, lending a hand is one place to start. And for that savory Jamaican dish, the only compensation she needs is a smile.
Tomlinson and her brother came to the states from Jamaica years ago. Tomlinson served in the U.S. Navy and her brother, Rohan, is the owner and head chef of One Love Cuisine.
Today is Kylie’s 14th birthday. I believe all parents want to pass along their wisdom and knowledge to their children, pass along the best parts of them.
Sometimes, they get the worst part of you. Well, THIS IS A STORY like that.
Sometimes the mind goes where the mind goes.
Happy Birthday Kylie.
I discovered I was an artist at the age of fourteen. At first, I was really nervous and scared and would only practice my artistry every six months or so. I was shy and did not want anyone else to see my work. I made many mistakes when I first started out but luckily the gods were in my favor and I was able to continue my artistry as I grew older, and wiser. And braver.
As I became more confident, my art work became more frequent. Every four months to two months to weekly, until I met a woman I would fall in love with.
Since my art did not pay the bills, I joined the working world. I was miserable. I had no time to practice my art or to continue working towards perfecting my skills.
But I was in love. And then I found out I was going to be a father.
I prayed for a son. A boy I could train to follow in my footsteps. It had taken years for me to be almost perfect in my craft and I wanted to pass down everything I had learned to a son. Every mistake, every lesson learned, every victory. The satisfaction of a job well done.
It was not to be. My daughter came into the world full of life, screaming and crying to the world, I am here.
The pressure of being a father and paying the bills became too much. I needed a release. I needed time to myself. I needed a “night out with the boys” every couple of weeks, at least that’s what I told my wife.
But what I really needed was my art. I needed to get back to what I was best at doing. I needed to perfect my craft. I needed to keep practicing my art, to create the perfect masterpiece. I could not make any mistakes.
As my daughter grew, I would come home “after a night with the boys” and would watch her sleeping. I would feel guilty for going out, for doing what I was doing, but I kept telling myself it was for my own sanity. I could not stop. It was in my blood and I was very good at what I did.
But I wanted to be the best.
To be the best, I had to keep practicing my skills. As my daughter grew, she became more curious, but there was no way I could show her my work. As my daughter grew, so did the world. Technology was changing and I had to keep in touch with it in order to keep making my art. It was becoming a chore to stay one step ahead but I was still very good at my art, and I could not stop.
However, doubts started to creep in. One mistake, however small, could lead to my art being ruined. What if my wife found out? I still was not ready for anyone to see my work. How much longer could I continue? Could I stop if I really wanted to?
I must stop. Even if I was miserable, it beat being discovered. I must stop, I told myself over and over. I must stop.
I tried to stop, I really did.
I kept telling myself one more time. One more night. One more masterpiece. But that only lead to one more time, one more night.
It was the eve of my daughter’s fourteenth birthday. I remembered how I started my art skills when I was fourteen. I wondered if it was in her blood also.
I didn’t have to wait long.
One week later I went out for my one more last time.
Little did I know she followed me.
I slowly walked the streets, looking for the right inspiration to be part of my next masterpiece. After all, I had become a master artist. It didn’t take me long. The objects of my art were always easy to find. Some people enjoy being the center of attention. It’s not hard to convince them to come with me so I can “paint” them. The centerpiece of my gallery.
I took her back to my gallery and as soon as I started to carve her up so slowly, I was a master craftsmen after all, my daughter came running into the room.
I was terrified and relieved at the same time. My secret was finally out of the bag. After all these years and all these murders, it was my daughter who caught me.
But she wasn’t horrified like I thought she would be. A smile of relief crossed her face.
It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
All this time, she had the same urges as me. All this time I had prayed for a son to pass my artistry onto but instead I was given a daughter who was every bit an artist like me. Now I could pass my expertise down to her.
Every mistake, every lesson learned, every victory.
For my daughter was a serial killer, just like me, and I could not let her get caught.
Disclaimer: Neither Kylie or I are serial killers, just so no one takes this seriously. Even though at times feel like I could…
I was a happy child. I was always smiling, always laughing. I was healthy. I ate good and exercised. I had a few close friends.
However, my best friend was my shadow. He went with me everywhere I went. He played the same games I played. He liked the same animals I liked. We were inseparable. Even when I went to bed at night, he was tucked in right beside me. When the lights went out, I would not worry because I knew he would be there in the morning when I woke up.
We would then start the day again. My shadow always right beside me. I would laugh and smile. We would eat together, play together, and at night we would sleep together. Through the years that would never change.
Until one morning I woke up and it did change. My shadow was gone.
I looked for him everywhere. In the glow of the kitchen light at breakfast, outside at the brightest time of day, and at night with my bedside lamp, but he was nowhere to be found.
I became dark. My smile went away. I no longer laughed. I no longer wanted to play or talk to anyone, even my parents. I wanted to stay in my room all day and all night.
I wasn’t happy. Why would my shadow leave me? There was no explanation that I could find. I woke up one morning and everything had changed. I tried to snap out of it but couldn’t. My parents tried. Nothing worked.
I even quit looking for my shadow.
I lashed out at everyone. Just leave me alone. The darkness would not go away. I hated the person I had become. I felt like a prisoner, trapped in my own mind. I thought things I could not believe I was thinking. I felt like hurting myself, hurting others. I quit doing my schoolwork and I was getting into trouble at school.
Then one day, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw my shadow. It was only a glimpse, a split second, and I could’ve been wrong, but a hope came over me. A hope I clinged to. And as I started to hope, the darkness started to leave me. And as the darkness started to leave me, I started seeing my shadow everywhere.
And as I started seeing my shadow everywhere, I started finding me everywhere.
The darkness did not win. I could smile again. I was me again.
I know not everyone can find their shadow, if you need someone to talk to reach out to
So I posted this at 1030 this morning, and then I posted it to Facebook. Now it is no longer on WordPress and it can not be found on Facebook. I think the forces are out for people not to read this one.
As with humans, the birds keep repeating history instead of learning from it. Catch up on their history with the links below.
My God, My Music, My Life 