Eighteen Years Ago Today 9/11

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This morning, I took the subway to Coney Island. It was always your favorite place. The noises, the laughter and the screams. You always said the smells brought you back to your childhood. I looked out over the water as the sun was rising. My whole world shattered on this day eighteen years ago and all I could do now was take a deep breath, hold it for as long as I could and slowly exhale.

Eighteen years ago today. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday, other times it seems like a lifetime ago. What I wouldn’t give to have you back, to go back in time and keep you from going to work that day. How much different would my life, our life had been? Would it have changed that much? Life went on without you, even though I still don’t know if mine has completely.

Our kids are grown now. Eighteen years of memories, smiles and tears. I am a grandpa now, which means you would’ve been the best grandma. Sometimes when I hold her I can see you sitting in your old chair smiling. I can see you holding her like you held our daughter. You were the best mom. The best wife.

Eighteen years and we have survived, even if we are not whole since a piece of us is missing. Eighteen years of wishes and prayers that will never come true.

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I think you would be really disappointed with our world now. Eighteen years later and the terrorists still hate America, maybe even more now. Eighteen years and we are still fighting the same war and I don’t even know what we are fighting for anymore. It seems hopeless. This world is a mess. Hate is rampant. Mass shootings every day it seems like. All those lives lost for nothing. It seems like most people have grown numb to it all and have given up hope.

Sometimes I wonder if God has abandoned us. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn’t do something. Sometimes I wonder why I don’t do something. I know you would’ve done something. You always saw the best in everyone and everything.

Most of those times I will find comfort and hope in your old Bible that still sits on the table on your side of the bed. The answers are there in your favorite highlighted passages.

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In a way I am happy for you that you aren’t here to see all this. But maybe if you were here you would be the one that would change it all. I know there is good out there. I know there are still good people in this world. We just need more of them to step up and do something. Change this world you so loved.

Anyway, most days I am good. Some days the wind will blow and caress my cheek and I feel like you are still here with me and I can’t help but smile. Other days, like today and even after all these years, I can’t stop crying and I have to stop and pick up the broken pieces of my heart and push on.

I can see you giving me that look now. I know, I know. You wouldn’t want me to be sad, but even a warrior has his moments when he isn’t so tough. But like a warrior, I will fight on another day.

So today, eighteen years after you left us, I still will not say goodbye. I will never say goodbye. How can I when, like on that day and all days when you left for work, I can still see you smiling at me, giving me a wink and saying love you hon, see ya later.

So babe, I love you just as much today as I did the first day we met and I will see ya later.

If you want to cry, listen to this first song, I tear up every single time I hear it. And it is a good story of how a child grows up without her dad she lost in 9/11

I Miss You Daddy-

The Ones That Didn’t Make It Back Home by Justin Moore –

If I Had Only Known by Reba McEntire-

Jersey On The Wall ( I’m Just Asking)  by  Tenille Townes-

Why God by Austin French –

Miss You All The Time by O.A.R. –

 

 

We Will Never Forget 9/11

Can you believe it has been 14 years since 9/11? The babies are now in high school.  I remember where I was and what I was doing. Actually. I am in the exact same seat at the same company I worked for then. I remember someone saying a plane just crashed into one of the World Trade Centers. We were all in disbelief. How could an airplane crash into it? Did the pilot have a heart attack? Where was the co-pilot? Then we heard the news of the second plane crashing into the other World Trade Center building and that it could be a terrorists attack. Then the plane that crashed into the Pentagon and the plane the passengers took down in a field near Shanksville, PA.

Do you remember where you where?

9/11/01 is a day that forever changed our nation. Airport security. Wars- that we are still involved in. The loss of thousands of lives in these wars. The tens of thousands of injured soldiers, soldiers with PTSD, depression and traumatic brain injuries returning back to our country.  The billions of dollars financed to fund these wars and the impact on the world economy. Suspicious of certain ethnicities. Government surveillance in all our lives.

Many rescue and recovery workers that helped at the site have lung diseases and other health problems from the toxic chemicals that were in the air. They also suffer from PTSD. depression and injuries.

Not to mention their families and how they have been impacted. Children growing up without parents that either died in the attacks or in the wars after. Psychological, physical and emotional trauma from the attack, loss of loved ones, loss of health, loss of income.

Some may ask where was God in these attacks? He was there. The flights could have had 684 passengers but only had 266 aboard. Of the 50,000 employees that could have been in the towers,  only 10-14,000 were said to be at work at 8:46. The stories are numerous of people running late because of “mysterious” events like alarm clocks not going off, missing buses, late taxis, sick kids, they woke up sick, couldn’t find their keys, unexpected subway, traffic, and commuter delays. The towers fell inward instead of toppling over, saving unknown amount of lives. He was there in the cross that was left in the rubble. He was there.

I know my God was right there with us, holding us in his hands, weeping with us, comforting us. He was there then and He is here with us now and He will be with us always.

We must never forget. We will never forget.

10 Years I Miss You Daddy by DJ Sammy – this brings tears to my eyes every time, guess it’s a daddy thing – 

Beauty Will Rise by Steven Curtis Chapman – 

Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning by Alan Jackson – 

Have You Forgotten by Darryl Worley – 

Didn’t They by Taylor Swift – 

Never Forget by Harmony Roads (fka Beyond the Veil) – 

Last Fallen Hero by Charlie Daniels – 

Hands by Jewel – 

Little Did She Know (She’d Kissed A Hero) by Kristy Jackson – 

Everyday Heroes by Dave Carroll – 

If I Had Only Known by Reba McEntire – 

He Knows by Jeremy Camp – 

I Believe by Blessid Union of Souls – 

God Is There by Diamond Rio – 

God Is With Us by Casting Crowns – 

God Is Watching by Jonny Diaz – 

God Of This City by Chris Tomlin – 

Hey God by Lonestar – 

I Saw God Today by George Strait – 

God Weeps by Eli – 

God Only Cries by Diamond Rio – 

In God We Still Trust by Diamond Rio – 

He Is There by The Hooker Family –