God, Is This Your Answer?

God, I asked you to use me

The next day I was diagnosed with cancer

I don’t want to question you but if that’s your answer

God, there  must be another way I plea

God, I asked you to use me

The next day my wife tells me our marriage needs a makeover

I thought all was well, I need you to takeover

God, tell me this isn’t the way please

God, I asked you to use me

The next day my teenage daughter was killed by a drunk driver

Oh God , I am not supposed to survive her

God, can’t you see me down here on my knees

God, I asked you to use me

With you by my side I will fight this cancer

With you as my strength I accept your answer

With this disease I will show your glory

God, I asked you to use me

Just when  my marriage was falling apart

You stepped in and gave us a fresh start

God, you made a masterpiece out of all the debris

God, I asked you to use me

In my worst moment you made me strong

You helped me to forgive, to sing a new song

When he couldn’t forgive himself, he saw You in me

Choose Me by Latice Crawford – 

Eye Of The Storm by Ryan Stevenson – 

Thank You For Everything by Jason Gray – 

For Those Of Us Left Behind

My cousin said some powerful words to me that I can’t explain how humbled I was by them. I had been thinking about writing this post since I wrote about my dad but other things kept popping in my head. I wanted to try to make sure I came up with the right words so I went for a nature run on a bike trail I had not ran in a few years to clear my head. As usual in these times I felt God telling me what to say, I just have to remember them, so I hope this comes out okay.

I had regrets when my dad died. That I didn’t visit him enough. That I didn’t this or didn’t that. That I would never see him again. My mom told me over the last few months before he died he was seeing a pastor and had given his life to God. That brought me a lot of comfort because I know I will see him again.

The first thing that came to mind is not everyone grieves the same. Everyone remembers their loved ones differently. The flood of memories that came back to me as I stepped on this trail were awesome. I remembered the first time I ran it and wondering what I got myself into. There are two six mile bike trails and this one is said to be the easier for bike riding so I chose it. It sucked. I tripped on roots three times and fell and got skinned up. By the way, the second trail is easier to run. I remembered when I brought Kim out here and how she hated it. She is a road runner, not a trail runner. I remembered running these trails when I was recovering from injury, because trails are softer than roads. I remembered when I fell one time and my key fell out of my hand and was lost forever. I looked for it for over an hour going back and forth over a 100 yard area and nothing. I had to walk to the nearest store and call Kim to come pick me up. All these things I remembered four years after I had ran this trail.

That brings me to memories of loved ones. How things come out of nowhere and hit you hard. I can hear my dad playing drums each time I hear Kylie playing his drums. When I want to feel him, sometimes I go play them. Not even 1% as well but I play. When I do everything I can to see Kylie play sports I remember the times dad couldn’t make our events because he was on the road. A song comes on that I haven’t heard in thirty years and I can remember asking my dad to play it on his drums. I remember him when I do the same stupid things to my kids that he did to me growing up. Things I said I would never do or say.


I feel his presence just like I feel God’s. Sometimes it’s just in a butterfly that floats by out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s in gentle breeze on a breezeless day. Sometimes it’s when I mow the grass and I remember how he taught me to mow. Sometimes it’s when I go out to get the paper and I remember the times he drove me around on my paper route in the dead of winter so I wouldn’t be in the cold for an hour.

What did God teach me on the trail today? He taught me that there is a time for everything. A time to run and a time to walk. A time when the lush green of summer turns into the abundance of color in fall. He taught me for every time I went up that there would be an easier time just on the other side. He taught me that when I am lost and in the middle of nowhere He will build a bridge to help me cross.


He taught me that sometimes old paths are made new for new memories. This picture is of a bridge that didn’t use to be there. It crosses a creek that I would have to run through to get to the other side. Now I can keep dry.


He taught me that even on a long bridge when I feel safe and secure that sometimes rocks will come up and I will have to navigate over. He taught me that He is there to help me and when I overcome this set back that He will guide me back to where I am safe and secure.


He taught me that if I trust in Him that He will carry me through these rough times. If He doesn’t carry me, He will take the obstacle out of the way for me.


He taught me even out in the forest all by myself that He will send a reminder to me. How amazing that a butterfly flew in front of me and landed right beside me.


He taught me that as I look back on the path behind me that there is still a path in front of me. That when I forget, which I often do, that He was there then, building bridges for me to cross, that He is here now and that He will be there on the path ahead. I must pick up my feet and continue forward.


He taught me that, just like Jesus, my dad is here. He is in everything I do. He is at every sporting event. He is inside of me. He helped make me who I am today and I know he would want me to continue on. He is watching from the best seat in the house. That makes me want to be a better person.

Dear God,

I pray that you bring comfort to those that are grieving. I pray that you will send them a reminder that their loved ones are watching over them. A gentle breeze on a breezeless day. A butterfly out of nowhere. A rain cloud on a sunny day or a rainbow on a rainy day. Have a song come on that lets them remember. Most of all God, I pray that you help them take the next step forward. That you remind them that they will see their loved ones again.  In your name, amen.

Best Seat In The House by the LoCash Cowboys-  

Healing by Blessid Union of Souls – 

About You by Soulidium- 

Together Again by Janet Jackson – 

Where I Belong by Building 429 – 

A Father’s Love (Only Way He Knows How) by Bucky Covington – 

He Weeps by Fireflight –

I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan – 

Holes In The Floor Of Heaven by Steve Wariner – 

Old King James by Scotty McCreery – 

See You In A Little While by Steven Curtis Chapman – 

There Will Be A Day by Jeremy Camp – 

I’ll See You Again by Westlife – 

Heart Headed Home by Scott Parker – 

Wings Of A Butterfly by Jimmy Scott – 

Before the Morning by Josh Wilson – 

Trust by Matt Hammitt – 

We Will Never Forget 9/11

Can you believe it has been 14 years since 9/11? The babies are now in high school.  I remember where I was and what I was doing. Actually. I am in the exact same seat at the same company I worked for then. I remember someone saying a plane just crashed into one of the World Trade Centers. We were all in disbelief. How could an airplane crash into it? Did the pilot have a heart attack? Where was the co-pilot? Then we heard the news of the second plane crashing into the other World Trade Center building and that it could be a terrorists attack. Then the plane that crashed into the Pentagon and the plane the passengers took down in a field near Shanksville, PA.

Do you remember where you where?

9/11/01 is a day that forever changed our nation. Airport security. Wars- that we are still involved in. The loss of thousands of lives in these wars. The tens of thousands of injured soldiers, soldiers with PTSD, depression and traumatic brain injuries returning back to our country.  The billions of dollars financed to fund these wars and the impact on the world economy. Suspicious of certain ethnicities. Government surveillance in all our lives.

Many rescue and recovery workers that helped at the site have lung diseases and other health problems from the toxic chemicals that were in the air. They also suffer from PTSD. depression and injuries.

Not to mention their families and how they have been impacted. Children growing up without parents that either died in the attacks or in the wars after. Psychological, physical and emotional trauma from the attack, loss of loved ones, loss of health, loss of income.

Some may ask where was God in these attacks? He was there. The flights could have had 684 passengers but only had 266 aboard. Of the 50,000 employees that could have been in the towers,  only 10-14,000 were said to be at work at 8:46. The stories are numerous of people running late because of “mysterious” events like alarm clocks not going off, missing buses, late taxis, sick kids, they woke up sick, couldn’t find their keys, unexpected subway, traffic, and commuter delays. The towers fell inward instead of toppling over, saving unknown amount of lives. He was there in the cross that was left in the rubble. He was there.

I know my God was right there with us, holding us in his hands, weeping with us, comforting us. He was there then and He is here with us now and He will be with us always.

We must never forget. We will never forget.

10 Years I Miss You Daddy by DJ Sammy – this brings tears to my eyes every time, guess it’s a daddy thing – 

Beauty Will Rise by Steven Curtis Chapman – 

Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning by Alan Jackson – 

Have You Forgotten by Darryl Worley – 

Didn’t They by Taylor Swift – 

Never Forget by Harmony Roads (fka Beyond the Veil) – 

Last Fallen Hero by Charlie Daniels – 

Hands by Jewel – 

Little Did She Know (She’d Kissed A Hero) by Kristy Jackson – 

Everyday Heroes by Dave Carroll – 

If I Had Only Known by Reba McEntire – 

He Knows by Jeremy Camp – 

I Believe by Blessid Union of Souls – 

God Is There by Diamond Rio – 

God Is With Us by Casting Crowns – 

God Is Watching by Jonny Diaz – 

God Of This City by Chris Tomlin – 

Hey God by Lonestar – 

I Saw God Today by George Strait – 

God Weeps by Eli – 

God Only Cries by Diamond Rio – 

In God We Still Trust by Diamond Rio – 

He Is There by The Hooker Family –