This is a story of a snowflake. A unique and one of a kind snowflake. All snowflakes are made that way by their creator.
The snowflake in our story was filled with joy. He loved being a one of a kind snowflake. He has his own personality and demeanor. He truly enjoyed being a snowflake.
When it was his time to go and fall to the ground he was ready. He remembered everything he had been taught. He remembered how much he was loved. The most important of these was to spread the word of love. To teach others what a true, sincere, and unique kind of love looks like.
As he was falling to the ground he looked around at all of the other snowflakes. He could see they all were different than him, but they all had the same smile that he did. They were all so happy to finally being on their way to fulfill their destiny.
Then they all hit the ground and stopped. They were all piling on top of each other. Many were not happy. They started to complain. How easily they forgot the joy they had just a few minutes ago.
Some of the angry snowflakes were getting so angry that they were starting to melt. Their anger was also affecting other snowflakes around them because they started to get angry also. Even the ones that were not getting angry were being affected because they started to melt also. They were unable to get themselves out of the situation they were in. They needed help.
Meanwhile, other snowflakes saw what was going on and turned their hearts away from the snowflakes that needed help. Their hearts grew so cold that they started to turn to ice. As their icy hearts expanded, they affected other snowflakes around them. The snowflakes that were filled with joy a few minutes ago were now filled with icy hearts and turning other joy filled hearts to ice also. They needed help.
Our snowflake saw all that was going on and remembered what he was taught. He started talking about their creator and his love for them. He talked about the joy that should be in their hearts. The joy they had just a few minutes ago. He reminded them how they all felt just a few minutes ago and not to let their circumstance affect how they feel.
They should be joyful. Look at the children coming out to play. All with smiles on their faces. Look at how happy we have made them. All by just being who we were created to be.
Oh, how the snowflakes loved the children. It was a love with no end. They loved to hear the giggles and to see all the smiles. They even loved to hear the joys of screams as the children rode their sleds over them. It reminded our snowflake about how much the creator loved him. He remembered how much he loved talking and laughing with the creator. He remembered everything he was taught and he knew changes were coming.
Warmer weather came and our snowflakes circumstances changed again. Our snowflake and his friends changed from unique snowflakes to drops of rain but their purpose was still the same. They will nourish the earth and provide the people with water to drink and water to grow their food. This is what we they were made to do.
They enjoyed many things in their lives, especially the children, but they each knew that they were brought here for a purpose. Sometimes they found themselves in unbearable situations but those that remembered their purpose never faulted. They stayed strong when others grumbled. They loved when others hated. Some had to change from snow to rain to fulfill their purpose but they did so with love. They knew that not all people would listen to them when they were snowflakes. Not all people cared for the snow. They had to adapt to the world around them and changed to rain so that others would hear the message of love, taught to them by their creator.
Like the snowflake, we are a community all made by our creator with one purpose and we will fulfill that purpose one way or the other. We each have our own unique blend of personalities, demeanor, and gifts. We also have to learn to adapt to our situations. What we talk about God to someone today might not work with the person we meet tomorrow. We have to speak love in a language our recipients want to hear. Do not judge, only love. We need to keep doing what we were put here by our creator to do and let Him, through us, open the eyes and hearts of those around us.
It seems like a few months ago it was lush and green. Your taste buds would wake up as you walked by it and smelled the vegetables that were growing.
I get that way in the spring. When the dirt is first turned and the fresh smell surfaces.
When hope is new.
When I have the choices right in front of me. How many rows to plow? Do I plant one vegetable or thirty vegetables? Or maybe I’ll let the field grow naturally and let it rest this year ?
Sometimes, when the summers get hot and the rain forgets to fall, or when the harvest is small, or when, like now, the fields are empty, I let those circumstances consume me and I forget I always have choices.
It’s my life and I decide what I will or will not plant. Will I plant love or forgiveness or hope or grace this year? Will I let someone or something take away what I plant or maybe convince me to not plant at all?
Will I let hate or unforgiveness grow like weeds and take over my field? Will I give up all hope as my world crashes around me? Will I let the darkness overcome my light?
Sometimes, when I look out at the empty field I see exactly that, an empty field. Nothing growing , dark times and death all around me.
And I can let that take over if I choose to do so. I can sigh and close the curtains and choose not to look out the window. Choose to not see the empty field.
But that doesn’t make it go away. It’s still there. And if I let it, it will always be there.
And there have been times in my life when that is exactly what I did. I chose to see the empty field instead of a field waiting for life to begin.
I’ve lost time, I’ve lost hope and I’ve lost me.
But as I’ve become older, and maybe matured some, I see the empty field for what it is, in the season it is in. A season of potential. A season of rest. A season to figure out what’s next.
It’s not a season of despair or hopelessness anymore. A season that I know, no matter what is happening in my life right now, I get to choose what’s next.
It’s a season of anticipation. A season of hope. A season to appreciate the present and look forward to the future. A season away from seeds being planted and to rest, but knowing the seeds are still there. Just waiting to mature and become what they are meant to be.
Maybe those seeds will grow. Maybe, if given enough light and rain and love, there will be a bountiful harvest.
And maybe no matter what I do, they won’t grow at all.
And I’ve come to a place in my life of acceptance. I’ve learned that either the seeds will grow or the seeds will not. And it’s okay either way.
I’m learning to be grateful in seasons of life and seasons of death. In seasons of love and seasons of lost love. I’m choosing to be grateful for what is and what was, and what will be.
I’m choosing to forgive myself for my past, for moments when I slip, when I may see an empty field again. For not seeing the empty field for more than what it is, potential.
I’m choosing to set boundaries and not let those boundaries be crossed again. Yes, there is grace and forgiveness, but no, I will not tolerate what I have tolerated in the past.
Because a field full of love or an empty field doesn’t change who I am. It doesn’t change what I know. That I am loved and that I am love. That I am forgiven and that I can forgive. That I have hope, that I am that hope, even when others do not see it.
I will choose to see the light. I will choose to love. I will choose to be who I am.
There’s not an empty field out there that I will see as an empty field anymore.
For where there is nothing, there’s always something right below the surface waiting to burst through.
I’m sitting on a wooden dock. The sun setting in front of me, my shadow stretching out behind me. The pinks, oranges, yellows, and reds from the sky color the water in front of me. Fireflies are starting to come out of their hiding places and light up the dark that’s approaching. The only sounds I hear are the crickets and the waves saying hello to the shore. I pay them no attention. Honestly, I’m so lost in my thoughts that a marching band could be playing behind me and I don’t think I’d really hear them.
That was three months ago.
They say no one heals the same. Grief is such a strange thing. Some days I feel like I’m going to be okay , but most days I just feel stuck. Like a mouse in a mousetrap. Trying so hard to get out of the trap but getting nowhere.
Today, I’m sitting on the same wooden dock. I haven’t seen the sun in days. Gray skies block the sun. My shadow has gone into hiding and the water is dark. The fireflies have gone into hibernation, dreaming of warm summer days to come again. The waves still quietly say hello to the shore. The never ending need to be seen and heard. I take a deep breath and exhale, watching my breath leave my body. It’s so cold my tears freeze as they roll down my cheek. I’m still so lost a bear could wander out of the woods and sit down beside me and I would pay it no mind.
How do I get over you being gone?
I feel hopeless. Prayers won’t bring you back. I feel so weak, but I know I’m not. It takes strength to wake up every day and get out of bed and continue life without you here. A strength, fortunately, most people don’t have to find, at least today. If only they lived each day like it would be their last, if I had lived each day like it would’ve been our last.
If I had lived that last day knowing it was my last day with you. Would I have done anything differently?
That’s the nagging question. Would I have done anything differently? I loved you with every ounce of my being but did you know that? I would’ve laid down for my life for you but did I ever tell you that? Or did you somehow know that without my words? If I had known would I have stayed up all night talking about everything, and nothing, to hear your voice for a few more hours, a few more minutes? If I had known, would I have held you a little tighter as we slept together one last time? Or would I have stayed awake just staring at you so I could memorize everything about your face?
Damn, these voices are so loud but I don’t know what is worse. All these questions or this silence that is so deafening sitting here.
I know I am punishing myself sitting here in the cold. Maybe if enough tears fall, I will wash you out of my system. Maybe if I shiver enough it will shake you out of my system. But I know neither of these will work.
You will still be here. Trapped inside my broken heart.
I look out at the dark water and talk to no one. Or maybe you are there. I don’t know.
What do I know?
I know that somehow I’m getting stronger each day. I know I am appreciating life more each day. I know I am more resilient than I thought I ever could be. I know with each breath in and each breath out that my heart is still beating.
I know the grass is greener after a thunderstorm. I know the sun and the stars are still behind these gray clouds. And I know the sunset is only the ending to that day and that the sunrise tomorrow will be a new day.
I know a broken heart heals one stitch at a time. Today, I will add another stitch. And someday it will be healed and the scar will make it stronger.
I know the earth keeps spinning, the sun will continue to shine, even behind the clouds, and that life goes on.
I know I can’t stay in this place. I know I need to find a way to move forward. Life hasn’t stopped and I know it’s time for me to get on with mine.
I know this pain is real. I know it will always be here. I know it will lessen with time.
Maybe the thing I know the most is I will always love you.
Maybe that’s enough for today.
I pick myself up off the dock and look back at the water again.
And with that I take a step forward. And then another. And then another.
At the beginning of this football season, Conor Smith and Megan Moroney wrote two songs about changing team colors for someone. That got me thinking that I would never change colors so I wrote this one. Of course, this is no where close to being an actual song. Will have to do some serious work on it but you can get the gist.
Maize and Blue
I was already more than a few beers in
I thought I might never have this chance again
I said what the hell and bought you a beer
Asked if you were from around here
You said you were just visiting friends
We talked and I hoped this night wouldn’t end
Your laughter came easy and your eyes sure did shine
I didn’t want to be anywhere else when your hand was in mine
Been a few years since we had that first beer at the Buckeye bar
I knew when I walked you home I fell in love under the stars
And it nearly broke my heart when I crashed back to earth
When she said she’ll always cheer for that team up north
I told her I’ll always bleed Scarlet and Grey
And I will until my dying day
Since the day we met, two things will always be true
I’ll love you and I’ll never wear maize and blue
I hate Alabama and the rest of the SEC
But I’ll yell Roll Tide before I cheer for the Wolverines
She said you know I won’t lie
I’m for anyone playing the Buckeyes
Then I thought there’s no way this is going to last
But I can’t say no when she kisses me like that
I can’t help the way she grew up
I can’t change the team that she loves
Been a few years since we had that first beer at the Buckeye bar
I knew when I walked you home I fell in love under the stars
And it nearly broke my heart when I crashed back to earth
When she said she’ll always cheer for that team up north
I told her I’ll always bleed Scarlet and Grey
And I will until my dying day
Since the day we met, two things will always be true
I’ll love you and I’ll never wear maize and blue
In November when we break her heart again
I’ll make her sing Carmen Ohio after another win
She said I know this’ll be our year
When we score I’ll get you to cheer
That’s when I knew love was blind
Because I knew she was out of her mind
Four weeks in November we tear each other apart
But she knows I love her with all my heart
Been a few years since we had that first beer at the Buckeye bar
I knew when I walked you home I fell in love under the stars
And it nearly broke my heart when I crashed back to earth
When she said she’ll always cheer for that team up north
I told her I’ll always bleed Scarlet and Grey
And I will until my dying day
Since the day we met, two things will always be true
This is a story about a turkey named Tom. However, this was not an ordinary turkey. Tom the turkey did not want to be a turkey. Tom wanted to be an eagle.
Tom often thought to himself, ” I do not like myself. This is one boring life I live.” Day after day Tom would trot around the yard with all his turkey friends gobbling gobbling and gobbling. Tom would eat all the food that was given to him and he would watch himself getting fatter and fatter.
Tom would look to the sky and see the eagles flying around. Soaring above the trees. “So beautiful,” he thought. “I want to be like that. I want to be majestic. I want to be an icon. I want people to look at me with awe. I want to be a national symbol and for people to look at with me with thanksgiving in their hearts.”
As much as Tom flapped his wings he could not get off the ground. It wasn’t that Tom did not practice, because he did. Some days that was all Tom did. Tom would run around the yard flapping his wings, never to get more than a foot or so off the ground. “God, why would you give me wings but not let me fly very well? Why would you let me see the eagles soar but not let me join them?”
Many of Tom’s less ambitious friends would talk behind his back. “Who does he think he is?” “Look at that fool trying to fly like an eagle!” “Doesn’t he realize he will never be anything other than what he is?”
Many days and months passed by and nothing ever changed for Tom. Every day it was the same thing. Wake up, eat, walk around the yard, eat, try to fly. Every day Tom would ask the same questions. “Why God why? I want to be more than this. I want people to look at me in awe and be thankful that I am here. I want people to love me.”
Soon the weather started to get colder. Many days people would come and grab some of Tom’s friends and he would never see them again. Tom continued to eat and grew bigger and bigger. One day a family came and walked around the yard looking for the perfect turkey. They found one in Tom.
The father looked at his family and said, “This turkey is beautiful. He will be the perfect symbol for our thanksgiving dinner .” The little girl looked at the turkey and said “I love you turkey. You are so beautiful.”
Tom gobbled and gobbled. Tom was so happy. “Finally,” he thought, ” I am being appreciated. I may not be flying like an eagle yet but at least people are seeing me as special.”
Tom was taken to the family’s home where Tom was promptly killed and cooked for dinner. Before they ate the family prayed. “Thank you God for this wonderful meal. Especially this beautiful turkey. We will forever remember in our hearts on this national holiday.”
You see, God gave Tom everything Tom asked for. Tom was looked at with awe and beauty. Tom was a national symbol. The people gave thanks from their hearts for Tom. Tom was made exactly how God wanted Tom to be and exactly how Tom wanted to be seen. Tom just didn’t realize that who he was was exactly who he was made to be.
What do you ask God for? Have you ever asked for a pure heart? Have you ever asked God to show you the way to be more like Him? Or are all of your asks and wants more about you? Have you ever thanked God for who you are, for who He made you to be?
As I sat on the tailgate of my daughters truck with her last night, a lot of emotions surfaced. How did this amazing young lady sitting beside me , a senior in high school, get this old, how did I get this old? How did she go from being Super Why, a werewolf, a zombie cowboy and all the others to studying psychology while we are handing out candy ?
How did we go from dressing up and walking the neighborhood trick or treating to sitting on the back of a tailgate handing out candy to other kids that their parents think they have all the time in the world?
They don’t.
You blink and it’s gone. You go from first steps and first words and first trick or treats to probably her last Halloween at home. And soon it’ll be her last Thanksgiving and last Christmas and her last year of school that I get to see her everyday.
First day of kindergarten to first day of Senior Year, first race to last cross country race, first concerts to hopefully not last concerts but I am sure friends will replace me, first game at Wrigley Field to, well we do have one more summer before college and hopefully some summers in between college years, first College Game Day at Ohio Stadium to, well there is a big game coming up in a few weeks so maybe College Game Day will be there and we will have one more.
Her first college acceptance official letter came today. The email came a few days ago. Another email came today accepting her to another school. And I’m sure in the next few days or weeks, or blinks of an eye, she will get accepted to the other three or four she’s applied to. It’s nice to have choices.
But we almost know for sure where she will go. Far enough away to not see her often but close enough where she can still come back home on a weekend, if she wants too.
But more than likely she won’t be coming home to the same house she left, the house she grew up in.
A lot of changes are coming our way. Some good, some not so good. Some happy, some sad.
But like a book, life has its beginnings and its different chapters that somehow all come together to make a wonderful story. And as all stories end, new beginnings begin.
But for now there’s still a few more chapters to read in this book. Then it’ll go up on the shelf of memories and another book will be opened up.
I really have enjoyed being the dad in this book. I am thankful.
My God, My Music, My Life 