I did not know April was National Poetry Month. I just read that the other day. In honor of that, this week I will share three poems I wrote a long time ago. Twenty one years or so. The only reason I still have them is because they were published. Yes, I paid $30, I think it was, to buy the book and they, in return, published the poems. All three have to do with a dream I had when Kayhla’s mom was pregnant. Here is the first called A Mother’s Gift :
Many of us always seem to be too busy to spend time with our significant others. I know my wife and I are really bad about making times for ourselves. It is something we always talk about but seldom do. We get up early to work or work out, we go all day and Kylie goes to bed at 9:30 then we are right behind her, getting rest for the next early morning. However, I know there is time if we make it. What about you? Do you make the time? 30 minutes, an hour, if that’s all you have make them count.
If It’s Only An Hour
If it’s only an hour
To help our love flower
Then I will take the time
To keep our love alive
If it’s only sixty minutes
Then I will buy the tickets
We will dance to each song
We will keep this love strong
If it’s only three thousand six hundred seconds
In each and every one I will be present
We will laugh and talk
We will hold hands as we walk
If it’s only sixty minutes
This my dear, you can believe it
I will reconnect with you
I will do everything I can do
If it’s only an hour
I will do all that’s in my power
To show you what our love means to me
To show you, show you what I see
Until God gives us another hour
Sway Blue October –
Disconnected by 5 Seconds of Summer –
Together by Steven Curtis Chapman –
Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars –
I’m Yours by Jason Mraz –
Love Like Crazy by Lee Brice –
When The Crazy Kicks In by Francesca Battestelli –
Three new musician followers this week. Please take a listen and find some new music to listen to. Please feel free to share/purchase the song I wrote with Lily Messer and Ceylon Wise. I have many more songs I would like to get out there but can not financially afford to record them. If interested in teaming up together, feel free to contact me.
Young by The Wright Brothers –
Moonlight by Unclemad (Christian Proietti) –
So Lie To Me by Like Lifting Wales –
Thanks for all the follows, musicians and non-musicians.
Some other music from non-followers I have listened to recently.
All Alone With Something To Say by Bonnie Raitt –
Among Other Foolish Things by Brian Fallon –
For A Moment by Elevation Worship –
Crazy As Me by Granger Smith –
Face To Face by Hillsong Young Free –
He Gave Me More Love by Jody McBrayer –
Godawful Things by Lake Street Drive –
Blame It On Me by Last In Line –
Heaven By Tonight by Matt Baird –
Carry Me by Matt Baird –
Directions by Micah Tyler –
Family Of God by Newsboys –
Hard Day Coming Down by The Record Company –
Do You Remember by St. Lucia –
Amen by Steven Curtis Chapman –
The Colors That Never Ran by Tammy Jones Robinette –
Foothills by Violent Femmes –
Best Of A Bad Situation by Wolfmother –
Believe It by 3 Doors Down –
and our song:
I Question You by Lily Messer –
On Itunes : https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/i-question-you-single/id1018588943
She was born into a home that didn’t want her. She was neglected and mistreated. She was told she wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t wanted. One day they proved that to be true and they gave her away. Through it all she smiled.
She was adopted a short time later by parents that wanted her. Parents that loved her. She had nightmares. She was comforted by her new parents. She was told how much she was loved. She was taught about God. She was told how much she was wanted. Through it all she smiled.
As she continued to grow and get older people would ask what is wrong with her. How can she always be smiling? She must be hiding something. She would tell them all is good, nothing to hide. She just loves life and is so happy to be here. They would tease her but through it all she smiled.
She met a guy. She fell head over heels. Everything in her life was perfect. Until it wasn’t. He started to yell at her all the time. He started to abuse her. She tried to leave but he would convince her to stay. She would believe him when he said he would change. Slowly her smile started to fade.
She became pregnant. He didn’t change. She knew she had to leave him, not only for her but for the baby. She could remember how her biological parents treated her. She didn’t want her baby growing up the same. She moved back to her adopted parents, her real parents. Slowly her smile came back.
She read her bible and raised her little girl on her own. She knew who she was and why she was here. She taught her little girl about God. She was told she was loved and wanted. She told her about her dad and about her Father in Heaven. It wasn’t always easy but through it all, they smiled.
On her last day here she thanked God for everything in her life. The good and the bad. She thanked Him for giving her a thankful heart. For giving her a smile through everything attitude. For giving her life lessons to teach her daughter. For giving her parents that didn’t want her, and for giving her parents that did. For giving her a home to grow up in that taught her about Him. She thanked Him for helping her forgive, her parents and her ex- husband. She took her last few breaths and as she left this world she smiled.
Think of these songs as a soundtrack to the reading.
Alyssa Lies by Jason Michael Carroll –
When Love Takes You In by Steven Curtis Chapman –
Orphan by John Waller –
Everything To Me by Mark Schultz –
You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile by Sia –
We were living in a two bedroom apartment at the time. We were starting to look at houses in Westerville but we were really just undecided on where to go. Plus it was a large “luxury” two bedroom and the girls had their own bathroom. We made it work.
Then Kim told me she was pregnant. We had talked about it but we weren’t exactly ready. At least I didn’t think so. I guess neither did God because we miscarried.
A short time later we were pregnant again. Again we miscarried. It hit Kim more than it did me. Both times were less than six weeks but they were lives being started in there.
All in God’s time. We found a house. We did all the moving ourselves. We packed up an apartment and a storage unit, unloaded, and had it all unpacked and set up in the house all in one day. One long day. We could not have done that if the first two pregnancies took. And lo and behold, right after we moved in we found out Kim was pregnant with Kylie.
That’s the background and I don’t know why almost eleven years later the two miscarriages have been on my mind. Were they boys or girls? What would they look like now? What kind of personality would they have had? What would they be like now? Is Kylie a combination of those two? Will we see those two in Heaven when our time comes? What was God’s plan ? Was it all for us to be able to get a house and be able to move? Was it for me to talk about eleven years later? Maybe help someone else?
I don’t know. All I know is that for some reason they have been weighing on my heart and my mind the last few weeks.
God has a plan. Sometimes that doesn’t help to hear when you are going through a loss but you will get through it. Whatever your loss may be. Loss of a child, a parent, a friend, a pet you will get through it. The memories will be there and some days will be hard. You will have good days also. You will have days when you will have a memory and cry. You will have days where you will have a memory and smile. You will never forget. Hang in there and let God walk you through it.
Lucy by Skillet – yes I know this song is about abortion but it touches me every time I hear it.
I took last week off from posting because we were on vacation in Florida. We drove like we always do and that gave me time for thinking.
I was thinking I would try to do one new post last week and reblog some of my older ones but the wifi didn’t work that well. It was hit and miss for some reason and I didn’t want to spend hours waiting for it to work. Maybe that was God just telling me to relax and not worry about posting.
I was thinking I was going to run every day. I remember when I was younger I would wait until the middle of the day to run in the summer time. I liked running in the heat. I ran 3 the first day, 5 the second day then missed the next two days. Planned on running 10 miles but cut it short at 7. It was too hot and humid, 73 and 90% humidity average every day, at 7:30 in the morning. The old me would’ve toughed out the 10 but the wiser, older me said call it and live for another day. Being in the sun all day and that 7 mile run I think beat me so I missed one more day. Then I put mind over matter and did 5, 5, 3 three days in a row. Got used to the heat and humidity. Overall, I guess 6 out of 9 mornings wasn’t bad.
I was thinking on the drive back how much it costs taxpayers for states to put up mile marker signs every tenth of a mile. It used to be one every mile marker then they had to add one for every tenth, why? Sure, if you are broke down you can give a more exact location but I think they could find you if you said I am between mile marker 3 and 4.
I was thinking who would want to live in Atlanta? I’m sure it has a lot of positives but traffic is a nightmare. Yes, call me a fool for driving through instead of around. This is at 10 pm.
I was thinking I am getting too old to be driving straight through to Florida. 17-18 hours straight. My wife helps out some but by the time I get tired it’s one in the morning and I feel bad asking her to drive at that hour. I worry about drunk drivers and her falling asleep so I try to tough it out. Let me tell you what helps, Arbonne energy fizz. Two or three of them and I am awake. My wife is an Arbonne distributor if you want more info.
I was thinking at two in the morning I need to find a way to get all my thoughts and ideas down. I can’t talk into a recorder and wake every one else up. Anyone have ideas on something that can read your thoughts and put them down in writing?
I was thinking one of the best chorus I have heard is NF’s Mansion song.
Broken legs but I chase perfection
These walls are my blank expression
My mind is a home I’m trapped in
And it’s lonely inside this mansion
How many of us are chasing perfection, but have broken legs and will never get to perfection.
And then parts of two verses really speak to me :
Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain
See my problem is I don’t fix things
I just try to repaint, cover em up, like it never happen
Say I wish I could change. Are you confused?
Come upstairs and I’ll show you what I mean
This room’s full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller it seems
The moment I walk in to it is the same moment that I wanna leave
I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things
But it’s hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep
So this part of my house, no one’s been in it for years
I built the safe room and I don’t let no one in there
Cause if I do, there’s a chance
That they might disappear and not come back
And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside
So I just leave my doors locked
You might get other doors to open up but this doors not
Cause I don’t want you to have the opportunity to hurt me
And I’ll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me
I’m barricaded inside
So stop watching
I’m not coming to the door
So stop knocking, stop knocking
I’m trapped here
God keep saying I’m not locked in
I chose this
I am lost in my own conscience
I know that shutting the world out ain’t solving the problem
But I didn’t build this house because I thought it would solve ’em
I built it because I thought that it would be safer in there
But it’s not, I’m not the only thing that’s living in here
Fear came to my house years ago I let ’em in
Maybe that’s the problem
Cause I’ve been dealing with this ever since
I thought that he would leave, but it’s obvious he never did
He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in
Now I’m in the position it’s either sit here and let him win
Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can
Cause in order to do that I’d have to open the doors
Is that me or the fear talking?
I don’t know anymore
Yes I am partial to it because it reminds me of what’s in my head. Also looking forward to his new cd coming out, Therapy Session. Sounds like it will speak to me.
I was thinking how we are all like sand on the beach. Some of us get blown about by the wind and water, always trying to find where they belong and who they are. Find God, you will find who you are. Some of us are always getting in other people’s shorts, irritating and leaving some marks. Most of us are all in this together, there for everyone to enjoy and to spread the love of who God made us to be to everyone who we come in contact with.
I was thinking how great is God. The sunsets and sunrises. His forgiveness. His grace. The gifts He gives all of us to further His kingdom. How some of us are like Jonah and try to run away, others are like Peter and deny our savior to save ourselves. How some of us are like Judas and betray Jesus. How some of us are like Noah and just say yes God, whatever you want. The most amazing thing is how He loves us all the same and gives us all the same forgiveness.
I was thinking I could post a lot more if I didn’t put music to each one but then that’s part of why I started so…
Mansion by NF –
Did You Really Think by Wess Morgan –
Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Lee Brice –
Rest Stop by Matchbox Twenty –
Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It by Darius Rucker –
I took last week off from posting because we were on vacation in Florida. We drove like we always do and that gave me time for thinking.
My God, My Music, My Life 