Autumn

To be clear, there is no Autumn or anyone else. I’m still figuring out how my new life will look and ready to explore that life alone for awhile. But when the time is right, I hope it comes so unexpectedly I have to catch my breath.

But I might have a little crush on Autumn Reeser.

Winter came and I was dark inside

Wasn’t living, just trying to survive

Wasn’t looking forward to Spring

There wasn’t a love song I could sing

And for once, I didn’t want the Summer heat

Then I saw you and you smiled at me

I wasn’t looking, didn’t see this coming

If I did I probably would’ve been running

I wasn’t ready for this again

Wasn’t ready for these feelings to begin

Wasn’t looking to love someone else

But you know I can’t lie to myself

These feelings I wasn’t expecting at all

Damn Autumn, I wasn’t expecting to fall

My life is now brighter than the colors of the leaves

And when I’d all but given up I now can believe

Love’s walked out the door so many times before

I was done, didn’t want it anymore

My heart was healing when I thought it was dead

Taking my time to clear out my head

Tired of being hurt and given up on love

Wasn’t even something I was thinking of

Then I saw you and you smiled at me

I caught my breath as my heart skipped a beat

These feelings I wasn’t expecting at all

Damn Autumn, I wasn’t expecting to fall

Break Free Elephant

(note, I took this idea from The Parable of The Elephant and turned it into what I know)

I have a story to tell about a young elephant

Who was born perfect, she was heaven-sent

And as she grew she felt as if her life was excellent

But being tied by a rope was the only life she knew

So she thought it was all normal as she grew

And she didn’t know there was a love that was true

And time went by and through no fault of her own

She wanted love but felt as if love was never shown

She wanted to be seen but felt as if she wasn’t known

So she broke free and was on her own until she met some guys

They sweet talked her and she believed all their lies

They tied a rope around her leg and she didn’t question why

It was what she knew and they told her how much she was loved

She was beautiful and this and that and such and such

And she felt loved and wanted when she was being touched

At times, thoughts of escape would cross her mind

But she dismissed them because these guys were so kind

But she was blind to this rope that binds

Then one day a really nice man said hello

And a true love, he really did show

And he asked elephant, I really want to know

You are so big and so strong, why do you not flee?

Why do you let this rope keep you from being free?

The elephant said this is the life I’ve lived and it’s how it’ll always be

The man said I don’t believe you feel as if that’s true

Because you must really know if they truly loved you

They wouldn’t keep you tied up as you grew

I know you don’t try to escape because you’ve always lived this way

And I want you to know these chains that hold you in place you can break

Love yourself and forgive yourself, you are precious, not a mistake

Don’t continue to give power to those that never loved you and that were negligent

When the wrong kind of love and affection was given during your years of development

So please listen to me, from someone who unconditionally loves you, elephant

Look deep inside your mind and your heart

It’s time, elephant, for a fresh start

This life you’ve lived you must depart

You don’t want to live this way any longer, this we both know

So I’m telling you this elephant to give you hope

Don’t let your life be defined, please do not be confined by this rope

Do not be ambivalent, you were meant to rise above your environment

Because you are elegant, intelligent, and most magnificent

You are worthy, you are enough and you are loved elephant

Maize And Blue

At the beginning of this football season, Conor Smith and Megan Moroney wrote two songs about changing team colors for someone. That got me thinking that I would never change colors so I wrote this one. Of course, this is no where close to being an actual song. Will have to do some serious work on it but you can get the gist.

Maize and Blue

I was already more than a few beers in

I thought I might never have this chance again

I said what the hell and bought you a beer

Asked if you were from around here

You said you were just visiting friends

We talked and I hoped this night wouldn’t end

Your laughter came easy and your eyes sure did shine

I didn’t want to be anywhere else when your hand was in mine

Been a few years since we had that first beer at the Buckeye bar

I knew when I walked you home I fell in love under the stars

And it nearly broke my heart when I crashed back to earth

When she said she’ll always cheer for that team up north

I told her I’ll always bleed Scarlet and Grey

And I will until my dying day

Since the day we met, two things will always be true

I’ll love you and I’ll never wear maize and blue

I hate Alabama and the rest of the SEC

But I’ll yell Roll Tide before I cheer for the Wolverines

She said you know I won’t lie

I’m for anyone playing the Buckeyes

Then I thought there’s no way this is going to last

But I can’t say no when she kisses me like that

I can’t help the way she grew up

I can’t change the team that she loves

Been a few years since we had that first beer at the Buckeye bar

I knew when I walked you home I fell in love under the stars

And it nearly broke my heart when I crashed back to earth

When she said she’ll always cheer for that team up north

I told her I’ll always bleed Scarlet and Grey

And I will until my dying day

Since the day we met, two things will always be true

I’ll love you and I’ll never wear maize and blue

In November when we break her heart again

I’ll make her sing Carmen Ohio after another win

She said I know this’ll be our year

When we score I’ll get you to cheer

That’s when I knew love was blind

Because I knew she was out of her mind

Four weeks in November we tear each other apart

But she knows I love her with all my heart

Been a few years since we had that first beer at the Buckeye bar

I knew when I walked you home I fell in love under the stars

And it nearly broke my heart when I crashed back to earth

When she said she’ll always cheer for that team up north

I told her I’ll always bleed Scarlet and Grey

And I will until my dying day

Since the day we met, two things will always be true

I’ll love you and I’ll never wear maize and blue

Orange and White by Conner Smith –

Tennessee Orange by Megan Moroney –

I Hate Alabama by Conner Smith –

Had Me At Halftime by Morgan Wallen –

We Are Buckeyes by Joseph Allen White –

Seasons Change And So Have We

When I see no leaves on the trees

I choose to remember when they were green

When I see skies that are dark and gray

I choose to remember the sunny days

When I see the ground lifeless and brown

I choose to remember when our love was found

When I’m cold and alone in this room

I choose to remember flowers will soon bloom

There’s an old song about when a heart breaks it don’t break even

And I’m sorry Journey but I have stopped believin’

I know acceptance is a powerful thing

And it hurts but I know the birds will soon sing

I accept you can’t love me like I want or need

And my love will never be good enough I’ve come to see

And I know it’s okay to not be okay

Not forever, but to feel the hurt today

I hope you know that not being with you was never in my plans

I’ll always be grateful for our time together because I’m a better, stronger man

You’ve made your choices and even though it’s taken me awhile

I accept there’s no more reason to fight but only time to smile

Because I’ll choose where my life will lead

And I thank you that once upon a time you loved me

And here soon when we will no longer be a we

I will choose to only remember the good memories

The Last Time by The Script-

Weren’t The One by Eddie and The Gateway –

What I get For Loving You by Seaforth –

Giving You Up by Kameron Marlowe –

Forever Or The End by Skillet –

God Is In This Story by Katy Nichole and Big Daddy Weave –

The Story’s Not Over by Jeremy Camp –

Peace by Danny Gokey –

I Didn’t Know How To Ask For Help

You should’ve known I quit fighting

When I was no longer writing

Too wrapped up in yourself

To see I needed help

I get it, I really do

Wanting people to like you

All smiles and good times

Hard to admit you aren’t fine

But I know you are just like me

Not wanting the world to see

How much you’re hurting

How bad you are searching

Trying to find something to believe in

Wishing you had one, just one friend

That could see through all the lies

That tried to find all things you tried to hide

Believe me I can see the irony

Because that could’ve been me

But l, like you, was too wrapped up in my own screen

To look up and reach out to tell you how much you mean to me

But in the end I guess you are just a little stronger

And you’ve been able to fight a little longer

But for me, well this was my last night

The darkness claimed victory over the light

And maybe I shouldn’t have smiled through the pain

And maybe I shouldn’t have hidden these thoughts in my brain

Maybe you wouldn’t have thought I was going insane

And maybe you could’ve broke me free from these chains

But a lot of maybes I guess we’ll never know

I miss who I was not so long ago

I wish you could see these tears roll down my face

But man, there’s so many things I can’t erase

And I know sorry will never be enough

I wish, I wish I felt like I was loved

But you know, it’s not like anyone will miss me

When was the last time anyone even reached out to me?

I mean, you really had to know

I was taking blow after blow

And you had to know I got up each time a little slower

And you had to see I was holding my head a little lower

You had to see I smiled a whole lot less

I mean, I was a total freaking mess

Not even Instagram could hide my sadness

And my Tik Tok’s were borderline madness

Hey, I’ve even scheduled posts three months ahead

I might even be instafamous after I’m dead

At least for a day or two

Then it’ll again be all about you

I mean my writings went from hope and faith to despair

But not one person reached out to care

A pity party this is not

Like me, it’ll be so easily forgot

Like I said, I get it, you’ve got your own likes to get

But I hope , unlike me, you can live without regrets

You know, it wouldn’t hurt to get away from the screen

Be a good friend, a real relationship, one last piece of advice from me

And I know you are busy, got your own life to live

But man, I hope God really does forgive

Don’t get me wrong , it’s not all on you

These demons I have are a wicked crew

Maybe I should’ve told you all this before tonight

But it really wasn’t until a minute ago I gave up the fight

I always felt like I’d have more time

But sometimes you are out of rhymes

I wish I never felt the things that I have felt

But I feel like I didn’t know how to ask for help

(In case anyone thinks this is a goodbye note, it is not. I am still here but these thoughts are in my head. We all know someone who is hurting but we are afraid to reach out and dig deep and make that connection. Challenge this weekend is to put your phones down, go knock on a neighbor’s door and ask them how they are doing. Buy a pizza and sit down together and talk. Who knows, you might just save a life.)

You Will Be Found by Ben Platt –

A Place Called Earth by Jon Foreman/ Lauren Daigle –

Up There Down Here by Zach Williams –

People Need People by Michael Franti –

People Need People by Maddie & Tae –

These Are Just A Few Of The Things That Are Messed Up On My Street

We have cats that bark and dogs that meow

We have wolves that roar and lions that howl

We have tigers that eat veggies and giraffes that eat meat

These are just a few of the things that are messed up on my street

We have newborns who talk and adults who don’t

We have things to be done but we know to be done they won’t

We have teenagers that are mature and parents that are not

We have commitments that are made and then conveniently forgot

We have neighbors that are alive and some that are dead

We have some planning a future and some with ghosts in their heads

We have turtles that are fast and rabbits that are slow

We have rivers that are dry and farm fields that won’t grow

We have hate that is rampant and we have love trying to find a way

We have marriages holding on tight and some destroyed by one choice made

We have people being shot and people being healed

We have truths being told and lies being concealed

We have some that live free and others that live in fear

We have some that have given up and some that believe hope still lives here

Then there is me who wants to be happy but is quite sad

I will share with you some of the questions I have

Can you love someone but no longer want to be with them?

Can you not go to church but still pray to God amen?

Would a chicken ever eat an egg and can a bee sting another bee?

Do these words make any sense to anyone but me?

If anything is possible doesn’t that mean anything could be impossible?

Which would also mean anything that is probable could still be improbable

If you expect the unexpected doesn’t that make the unexpected expected?

If I only talk to people via text and social media, am I really connected?

If my life is better in my dreams is it possible my life is really a dream?

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point if I am me and this is all that will ever be

Does a fish or shark or whale ever get dehydrated?

If you caused the issue then why, at me, are you so frustrated?

What’s the least important thing that’s the most important thing to you right now?

I apologize, as usual, these voices in my head have gotten sidetracked somehow

Is it committing murder if I kill these voices inside of me?

Social media shows every one is happy but I know not all is as it seems

If a toddler refuses to take a nap does that mean it’s resisting a rest?

Life, please give me some answers because I’m failing your test

How many times can a heart break before it breaks forever?

How many times can you say you won’t do the thing you did? I will never….

How many chapters of our life should I read before I close it and make my own ending?

Because, if we must honestly admit, we both know we are only pretending

God please help me, I think I’m going insane

Guess I better mow the grass before it starts to rain

Wait, I thought of something that doesn’t make sense

If I give you a penny for your thoughts then why are your thoughts worth two cents?

If, as a child, you’re told not to take candy from strangers then why is there Halloween?

If rabbits don’t lay eggs then where does the Easter Bunny get all the eggs it delivers to you and me?

I know, I know, I should really wrap this up

But can you answer this, does it exist, it being love

I know I’m unique, broken, hopeful, confused, a little crazy but is there anyone else like me?

These are just a few of the things I think about when I think about the things that are messed up on my street

Odd Man Out by Clayton Jones-

Things I Wish I Would’ve Said by Katy Nichole-

Who You Thought I Was by Brandy Clark-

Memories by Conan Gray-

Word That Don’t Exist by Citizen Soldier-

Won’t Know How To End This Conversation

I won’t know how to end this conversation

If we find ourselves in an impossible situation

So I don’t think I’m going to start

Won’t write our names in a heart

Not going to walk up and shyly grin

Ask you where you’ve always been

Say by the way hello my name is

Not going to slowly lean in to kiss

“Isn’t that what love is? Being scared, then being brave, because of that one person?”

Not going to wrap my fingers in yours

Won’t wonder who I ever was before

Not going to have a hard time falling asleep

Wishing you were there beside me

Not going to wake up in the morning

With butterflies in my stomach turning

Not going to get on one knee and ask you to be my wife

Because if I did I know I’d fall apart if you left my life

Not going to ask you out on a first date

Not going to think you are great

Don’t want you to look at me, smile at me like that

Not going to buy that house with a welcome door mat

Not going to smile when I see your name on my phone

Or think I’m the luckiest guy when we bring our baby home

No, when I think about all the firsts I’m going to miss

The one that’ll be the worst is this

The day or night I smile at you and walk on by

Not saying hello because I won’t know how to say goodbye

Try Losing One by Tyler Braden –

The Way You Loved Me by Calum Scott-

Anna Begins by Counting Crows-

Rock And A Hard Place by Bailey Zimmerman –

Love Songs Ain’t For Us by Amy Shark –

Middle Of A Memory by Cole Swindell –

Growing Up (Still Have More Growing Up To Do)

I was the shy one growing up

Always wondering why I wasn’t good enough

Didn’t feel loved by my daddy

I always felt like the black sheep

Dad would pop another beer

I’d stand in the corner in fear

He never yelled or raised a hand

But I was ignored and couldn’t understand

Why I was invisible to him

When I was growing up

I never felt a man’s love

Then I got pretty, no longer a child

Boys noticed me when I smiled

I let them do what they wanted

Childhood excuses left me haunted

I went from one bed to another

Leaving a family without a mother

Sometimes I think being noticed by a man

Is worse than being ignored , can you understand?

I wish I was invisible again

All I wanted when I was growing up

Was for a man to show me love

But I don’t think I know what love is

Because what I do is so selfish

A princess without a crown

I’ve let a good man down

And I swear I’m trying to learn

How to accept real love and give it in return

But I feel as if it’s too late

He looks at me with so much hate

And he’s the only one to show me the love

I wish I had when I was growing up

Love Not Hate – Tragedy in Texas

History of the birds:

Love, Not Hate : Part 1

Love, Not Hate: Part Two

Love, Not Hate: Christmas Eve

Love, Not Hate: A New Chapter

Love, Not Hate: A New World

Love, Not Hate: The Division

Love, Not Hate: The Reconciliation

Love, Not Hate: Tragedy At Mandalay Bay

Love, Not Hate: Continue To Love

Love Not Hate: Love On Trial

Love Not Hate- Trick or Treat, Halloween Night

Love Not Hate- Teach A Human Day

All the juvenile birds gathered at the big oak tree

They all had tears in their eyes and thought it could’ve been me

Their parents stood close by

They too, had tears in their eyes

They waited until the eagle swooped down

He stood there with them all on the ground

He wiped his eyes and bowed his head

He then looked up and sadly said

“Tragedy once more has taken hold of our land,

These are the things we can not ever understand.

We teach love, kindness we show and words we tell

But it seems like evil yet again prevails.

Sometimes, like you, I want to give up

But we can’t, we must continue to love.”

Then the eagle said, “let’s pray this won’t happen again.”

But then a little robin asked, “don’t you mean when?”

And the eagle for a moment was out of words

Then he composed himself and looked out at the birds

“Little ones, do not be scared to speak up

I know you’re hurting so much

But now is not the time to withdraw , to be silent

We need to hear your voice in these times of violence.

We need to know your hurt , see your tears

We need to hear your words, hear your fears.

And maybe it’s you little friends

That need to give us hope again.

And parents, hold these little ones tight.

And when you tuck them in tonight,

Let them know how much they are loved

And that we, they, can never give up!

That we must continue to see the good

And remember on this branch is where we stood

When we all began to learn

When our prayers were heard

When our world finally woke

And heard our words for years we spoke

Enough is enough is enough

Stop hate, love birds love!

Go home tonight

And let your eyes cry.

Tonight let there be sorrow,

But there will be hope tomorrow.

For tomorrow birds, our work begins again

Give grace, forgive, love, be a friend

Yes tonight, birds, let the tears come as we hold each other tight

Tomorrow, tomorrow my friends, love will rise!”

Grape Soda And Bazooka Bubble Gum

Back when I was young

Not a care in the summer sun

We’d come home when it was dark

And our phones weren’t so smart

We’d have fun even if we lost

And we bowed our heads to the cross

We stood and put our hands over our hearts

When the National Anthem would start

I remember my first game with my first baseball glove

After every game I’d have a grape soda and Bazooka bubble gum

Don’t know how we survived without central ac

Or how I never broke a bone climbing the tallest tree

We never let a girl walk home alone

And there weren’t cuss words in a song

When saying I love you meant something

And it meant something when you had a wedding ring

And when you could count on your friends

And sometimes I wish I could be young again

When I didn’t have so many things to overcome

I sure miss grape soda and Bazooka bubble gum