Category: inside my head

These Are Just A Few Of The Things That Are Messed Up On My Street

On By roberthansen1317In anxiety, Christian life, Growing Up, inside my head, poems, PoetryLeave a comment

We have cats that bark and dogs that meow

We have wolves that roar and lions that howl

We have tigers that eat veggies and giraffes that eat meat

These are just a few of the things that are messed up on my street

We have newborns who talk and adults who don’t

We have things to be done but we know to be done they won’t

We have teenagers that are mature and parents that are not

We have commitments that are made and then conveniently forgot

We have neighbors that are alive and some that are dead

We have some planning a future and some with ghosts in their heads

We have turtles that are fast and rabbits that are slow

We have rivers that are dry and farm fields that won’t grow

We have hate that is rampant and we have love trying to find a way

We have marriages holding on tight and some destroyed by one choice made

We have people being shot and people being healed

We have truths being told and lies being concealed

We have some that live free and others that live in fear

We have some that have given up and some that believe hope still lives here

Then there is me who wants to be happy but is quite sad

I will share with you some of the questions I have

Can you love someone but no longer want to be with them?

Can you not go to church but still pray to God amen?

Would a chicken ever eat an egg and can a bee sting another bee?

Do these words make any sense to anyone but me?

If anything is possible doesn’t that mean anything could be impossible?

Which would also mean anything that is probable could still be improbable

If you expect the unexpected doesn’t that make the unexpected expected?

If I only talk to people via text and social media, am I really connected?

If my life is better in my dreams is it possible my life is really a dream?

Sometimes I wonder what’s the point if I am me and this is all that will ever be

Does a fish or shark or whale ever get dehydrated?

If you caused the issue then why, at me, are you so frustrated?

What’s the least important thing that’s the most important thing to you right now?

I apologize, as usual, these voices in my head have gotten sidetracked somehow

Is it committing murder if I kill these voices inside of me?

Social media shows every one is happy but I know not all is as it seems

If a toddler refuses to take a nap does that mean it’s resisting a rest?

Life, please give me some answers because I’m failing your test

How many times can a heart break before it breaks forever?

How many times can you say you won’t do the thing you did? I will never….

How many chapters of our life should I read before I close it and make my own ending?

Because, if we must honestly admit, we both know we are only pretending

God please help me, I think I’m going insane

Guess I better mow the grass before it starts to rain

Wait, I thought of something that doesn’t make sense

If I give you a penny for your thoughts then why are your thoughts worth two cents?

If, as a child, you’re told not to take candy from strangers then why is there Halloween?

If rabbits don’t lay eggs then where does the Easter Bunny get all the eggs it delivers to you and me?

I know, I know, I should really wrap this up

But can you answer this, does it exist, it being love

I know I’m unique, broken, hopeful, confused, a little crazy but is there anyone else like me?

These are just a few of the things I think about when I think about the things that are messed up on my street

Odd Man Out by Clayton Jones-

Things I Wish I Would’ve Said by Katy Nichole-

Who You Thought I Was by Brandy Clark-

Memories by Conan Gray-

Word That Don’t Exist by Citizen Soldier-

Signed, Anonymous

On By roberthansen1317In Christian life, inside my head, music, who am I4 Comments

When I started writing, I thought my third post would be on my running, what God has done for my knee and my running music but God has put something else on my heart. As much as I really don’t want to write what I am about to write, for every excuse I make God keeps telling me to write it so here goes.

I think I am a good person. I work hard, take care of my family, go to church, read the bible and devotionals on days other than Sunday, don’t lie, don’t curse (unless a bad word slips out once in a blue moon) but when I really evaluate where I am, I suck. I live a good life but what’s my purpose. I don’t have anyone I would call a close friend, I don’t verbally speak of my faith (let my actions speak for themselves), I don’t even really talk to my family. I have always provided, encouraged and supported them but have I ever really talked to them? I can pray that they would see who I am and follow my example of a sinner who is trying to live his life for God but do they? I have let many friendships go simply because I didn’t work at them. I would leave a job or a relationship or graduate and, for me, it was on to the next thing. Everything and everyone that was in that life, see ya! On to the next big adventure and people, and when that adventure was done, I was gone. I take full responsibility and for those of you that know me and that may read this, I am sorry.

I am like the song by NF called Mansion. Someone hurt me so I put up a wall.  Another and another and another. Before I knew it I have a mansion in my head and now I can’t get the doors unlocked. I don’t get close to anyone. Including my own family. Even though I think I am a good husband, father, son, brother I know I don’t call home enough, don’t ask how they are doing, don’t talk enough to my daughters or wife. Heck, maybe they like it that way. Of course that’s the walls talking. Don’t knock me down, they don’t even want to talk to you.

Today, God has me opening a door. I can only pray that this is the beginning of tearing the house apart. Scary thought but it’s time I lived the way God wants me, wants us, to live. I can only tell you I will do better. I can’t say I will ever talk as much as you want me to but let’s turn some doorknobs together and get some of these doors open.

How did God open this door you ask? I read the same 4-5 authors and maybe every once in awhile throw in a new person but for the most part, stick with who I know. Back in September 2014 Karen Kingsbury came out with a book title “Angels Walking,” and I read the excerpt and thought it sounded good but.. I had never read her books. I wrote it down but kept putting it off then finally I got it a few days ago and read it in two days. Loved it. One thing I got from it was when Marcus thought because of his clean living that he would make an impact on someone but he hadn’t. That he really hadn’t talked more than surface talk with the guy. (That’s me to a t)  The other thing was the main character Tyler. How he just walked away from everyone he knew and loved over something petty. Don’t want to give away too much but I could seriously relate to him. Coincidence that I just happened to read it 8 months after it came out at the exact time I started this writing project, I think not. Angels are walking with me.

I titled this Signed, Anonymous because I feel like that’s how I have been living. Just another person in this world doing enough to get by and living my life anonymously. No one knows me, knows my thoughts, my heart, my dreams, my feelings and I don’t want to live that way anymore.

Signed,   Rob

Today, talk to someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Reconnect with an estranged family member. You never know when today is your last day, don’t live with the regrets of yesterday.

As always, taking $10 donations to get our ep or cd out (depends on amount of donations). We will probably have second song done soon which I will pay for but any help for the future would be appreciated. You will get a copy of the cd when it is done. Will keep you updated on first song when it is on itunes.

I was thinking, what songs do I know to go with my topic. (beside Mansion). Then I heard Anonymous and then God just started filling my head with others.

Mansion by NF – Wow, first time I heard this song I was like holy cow, how did this guy get inside my head?  Anyway, here it is. Could’ve been written by me. 

Anonymous by Three Days Grace-  I’ve liked all their cd’s. 

Another Me by Sister Hazel – Another of my favorite bands. 

Honestly by Carl Cartee  – Don’t know if this song is exactly for this topic but it has always hit me hard because Honestly, I need to be broken, Honestly I need to fall down and after I did, I am new and alive. 

Unwell by Matchbox Twenty – The band that got me back into music. I didn’t care for much of the grunge music in the 90’s then Yourself or Someone Like You came out.  

I Will Never Let You Know  by Clare Bowen and Sam Palladio – 

Tomorrow by Sixx AM – I could probably put  4 or 5 songs by Sixx Am on here. If you haven’t read Heroine Diaries by Nikki Sixx, it’s good. The demons you fight to get out alive… 

We Are The Broken by Seventh Day Slumber – 

Walk On The Ocean by Toad the Wet Sprocket – This song for the friends I have walked away from.  

Here’s To Us by Halestorm – This song is for the friends I wish I still had, Wish I had people that I could say this to you.  There have been more than a few days that have kicked my butt.  There is still time …a few curse words but in context they work for this song