When I started writing, I thought my third post would be on my running, what God has done for my knee and my running music but God has put something else on my heart. As much as I really don’t want to write what I am about to write, for every excuse I make God keeps telling me to write it so here goes.
I think I am a good person. I work hard, take care of my family, go to church, read the bible and devotionals on days other than Sunday, don’t lie, don’t curse (unless a bad word slips out once in a blue moon) but when I really evaluate where I am, I suck. I live a good life but what’s my purpose. I don’t have anyone I would call a close friend, I don’t verbally speak of my faith (let my actions speak for themselves), I don’t even really talk to my family. I have always provided, encouraged and supported them but have I ever really talked to them? I can pray that they would see who I am and follow my example of a sinner who is trying to live his life for God but do they? I have let many friendships go simply because I didn’t work at them. I would leave a job or a relationship or graduate and, for me, it was on to the next thing. Everything and everyone that was in that life, see ya! On to the next big adventure and people, and when that adventure was done, I was gone. I take full responsibility and for those of you that know me and that may read this, I am sorry.
I am like the song by NF called Mansion. Someone hurt me so I put up a wall. Another and another and another. Before I knew it I have a mansion in my head and now I can’t get the doors unlocked. I don’t get close to anyone. Including my own family. Even though I think I am a good husband, father, son, brother I know I don’t call home enough, don’t ask how they are doing, don’t talk enough to my daughters or wife. Heck, maybe they like it that way. Of course that’s the walls talking. Don’t knock me down, they don’t even want to talk to you.
Today, God has me opening a door. I can only pray that this is the beginning of tearing the house apart. Scary thought but it’s time I lived the way God wants me, wants us, to live. I can only tell you I will do better. I can’t say I will ever talk as much as you want me to but let’s turn some doorknobs together and get some of these doors open.
How did God open this door you ask? I read the same 4-5 authors and maybe every once in awhile throw in a new person but for the most part, stick with who I know. Back in September 2014 Karen Kingsbury came out with a book title “Angels Walking,” and I read the excerpt and thought it sounded good but.. I had never read her books. I wrote it down but kept putting it off then finally I got it a few days ago and read it in two days. Loved it. One thing I got from it was when Marcus thought because of his clean living that he would make an impact on someone but he hadn’t. That he really hadn’t talked more than surface talk with the guy. (That’s me to a t) The other thing was the main character Tyler. How he just walked away from everyone he knew and loved over something petty. Don’t want to give away too much but I could seriously relate to him. Coincidence that I just happened to read it 8 months after it came out at the exact time I started this writing project, I think not. Angels are walking with me.
I titled this Signed, Anonymous because I feel like that’s how I have been living. Just another person in this world doing enough to get by and living my life anonymously. No one knows me, knows my thoughts, my heart, my dreams, my feelings and I don’t want to live that way anymore.
Today, talk to someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Reconnect with an estranged family member. You never know when today is your last day, don’t live with the regrets of yesterday.
As always, taking $10 donations to get our ep or cd out (depends on amount of donations). We will probably have second song done soon which I will pay for but any help for the future would be appreciated. You will get a copy of the cd when it is done. Will keep you updated on first song when it is on itunes.
I was thinking, what songs do I know to go with my topic. (beside Mansion). Then I heard Anonymous and then God just started filling my head with others.
Mansion by NF – Wow, first time I heard this song I was like holy cow, how did this guy get inside my head? Anyway, here it is. Could’ve been written by me.
Anonymous by Three Days Grace- I’ve liked all their cd’s.
Another Me by Sister Hazel – Another of my favorite bands.
Honestly by Carl Cartee – Don’t know if this song is exactly for this topic but it has always hit me hard because Honestly, I need to be broken, Honestly I need to fall down and after I did, I am new and alive.
Unwell by Matchbox Twenty – The band that got me back into music. I didn’t care for much of the grunge music in the 90’s then Yourself or Someone Like You came out.
I Will Never Let You Know by Clare Bowen and Sam Palladio –
Tomorrow by Sixx AM – I could probably put 4 or 5 songs by Sixx Am on here. If you haven’t read Heroine Diaries by Nikki Sixx, it’s good. The demons you fight to get out alive…
We Are The Broken by Seventh Day Slumber –
Walk On The Ocean by Toad the Wet Sprocket – This song for the friends I have walked away from.
Here’s To Us by Halestorm – This song is for the friends I wish I still had, Wish I had people that I could say this to you. There have been more than a few days that have kicked my butt. There is still time …a few curse words but in context they work for this song
4 thoughts on “Signed, Anonymous”
Hmmm…this I don’t find surprising at all…let me just say “ditto”
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I’m not crazy…unwell stayed on auto play for a long time in 2003.
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive
And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
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Matchbox Twenty got me back into music. After my 80’s hair bands I didn’t get into most of the early 90 grunge music.
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babe, maybe I should be telling you this in person but I want you to know that you did nail this. This is you to a T and I pray that you do as you wrote, talk more, reach out more and most of all, talk to me more. I miss you and I want us to follow God together, I feel as if we are following him (God) not together but on our own. I am so proud of you and I dont want this blog to be the only way I get to know my husband better. We have both been broken and God is right there putting us back together. I am so proud of you for taking this step of faith and telling others about you and your passion for music and how it impacts you.