Well, I am only almost four weeks late in writing this, but on May 5th, my daughter graduated from The Ohio State University.
She always said she would not go to Ohio State because that is where I graduated from, but, thankfully, she came to her senses. Now she is a part of Buckeye Nation for life.
I have to be honest and say I wasn’t sure if she would finish her education. After going to Ohio State for almost two years, she married and moved to Virginia and I did not think she would stick with it. But she took online classes and then moved back to Ohio. For the last year and a half she drove 90 minutes one way to go to classes and she did it.
She majored in psychology, probably to try and figure me out, and received a job offer in her field. She will be working with children with autism.
Congratulations Kayhla, I am so proud of you and I love you.
From the time she could talk she was full of questions. And I, of course, was full of answers.
Why this, why that, where, when and who?
But as children often do, my daughter grew and grew and her questions became more elaborate.
Where are we going dad?
Nowhere.
Dad, what will we do when we get to nowhere?
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Yeah, dad, I love going to nowhere with you and doing absolutely nothing. But I wonder, if we go nowhere and do nothing, does that make me a nobody?
Her questions were very deep so I thought for a second and told her she would never be a nobody. She is loved and cherished and will always be a somebody to me.
If I keep going south will I eventually be north?
As children often do, she grew and grew and her questions became more challenging.
Dad, if we get lost going to nowhere, will we end up somewhere? And when we get to somewhere, will we do something? But I wonder, if we go somewhere and do something, will I then be somebody?
Dad, can we get from here to there without going anywhere? And if we find anywhere, can we go there anytime? But I wonder, if we go anywhere anytime will I still be anybody to you?
If I ever find myself stuck between here and there and can’t find my way to you, will you come looking for me?
I couldn’t understand why her thoughts were taking her to these places but the only thing I could do was put my arms around her and reassure her no matter where she is or what time it is or what I am doing, I will always come and find her when she needed me.
But if I don’t tell you I need you, how will you know?
I will always pray that I will know but if for some reason I don’t know, I know a father who loves you more than even I do who will always be there for you even if I, for some inexplicable reason, get lost and am a little late in getting there.
Thanks dad, but what if I meant to go nowhere but ended up somewhere doing everything I know I shouldn’t do, would you still love me then? Would you go everywhere and do something, anything, to bring me back to someplace where you always are?
Not a doubt in mind that I would go everywhere and do something, anything, anytime to bring you back to nowhere so we could do nothing.
If the sun sets in the west will it always be dark the more west I go?
Just remember, dear daughter, no matter how many steps you take into the darkness, it only takes one to turn around and see the light.
If I’m doing nothing am I really doing something and can I be doing something but actually be doing nothing?
As children often do, my daughter grew and grew. As she grew it was my arms that became empty, as she no longer wanted me to hold her and it was my heart that shattered to pieces, as it seemed she longer wanted it to beat for her.
I would knock on her door and ask, “Would you like to go nowhere today and do nothing?” To which she would just sigh and say “Dad, I’m not a little girl anymore.”
I would give her some time and distance and then I would knock on her door and ask, “Would you like to go somewhere sometime today and do something?”
To which she would reply, “Dad, I’m busy doing other things today.”
But I could tell something was going on, but I didn’t want to seem pushy, but I knew she needed me.
I gave her more time and more distance, even though it was killing me to see her so sad.
One day I knocked on her door and said, “My daughter, when you find yourself nowhere doing nothing and wanting to go somewhere to be somebody but you can’t seem to go anywhere any of the time remember I love you everywhere every second of every day simply because you are you and that’s enough.”
She gave me a sad smile and a thanks dad.
Then I heard a voice telling me time and distance isn’t what she needs, she needs closeness and love even though it isn’t what she says.
I went and I knocked on her door and she was crying. I sat beside her and wrapped my arms around her and let her cry. After a few minutes and a very wet shirt later, she calmed down and looked up at me and I looked into those beautiful brown eyes as she asked me a question I had been wanting to hear for so long.
“Dad, do you think we could go nowhere?”
I smiled and asked, “Daughter, what will we do when we get there?”
Then she smiled back and said, “I was thinking we would do nothing dad, absolutely nothing.”
“Daughter, there is no place I would rather be than nowhere doing absolutely nothing with you.”
While Kim was in Boston for her annual running of the Boston Marathon, Kylie and I had some bonding time. It seems to be getting harder to do here lately. Of course, as you can tell my lack of posts, I haven’t done much of anything lately but try to stay afloat.
We went out to eat at a new place called the Atlas Tavern. Kylie had the southern fried chicken sandwich with cole slaw on it. She said it was the best thing she had ever tasted. She also had some grilled veggies.
I had the black garlic Swiss cheeseburger. It was very good and the waffle fries were cooked to perfection. Excuse the silly face.
We had some time to relax and talk, play baseball and watch baseball. Wish we had more times like that but the older she gets school events and friends take priority over dear old dad but I understand, having been here before with the older siblings.
We also went to The Ohio State spring game with one of our other daughters, Kayhla, and her husband Joey. It was a perfect day to watch some football and see how the new team should do this year. Go buckeyes.
Congratulate Kim if you will. She set a personal record for a marathon. Way to go Kim.
At first, I thought I must be dreaming. I could hear the strength of the water rushing by me, I could feel the wind as if it was piggy-backing on the strong current. I bent down and put my hand into the water and my fingers came out wet. I could pinch myself but I knew this was not a dream. I stood up and I looked to my left and all I could see was a vast desert, no more than ten yards from me, that the river just suddenly disappeared into. I could not fathom how all that water was pouring into the desert with no trace.
The desert was lifeless but I was intrigued to take a few steps into it. I looked back at the river, like a child who is about to do something wrong looks back at its parents, but continued on my way. The river was close, I knew I could return to it anytime I wanted.
I ventured farther and farther into the desert. The farther I went, the thirstier I got. Not for the river, but for more adventure. The desert was alluring but I knew there was nothing out here for me, but I continued to walk. What was I doing? I could no longer see the river but I could remember the life it gave. There is no life out here.
Why couldn’t I turn back? Every time I started to, another distraction caught my eye. I was feeling guilty and ashamed for being gone so long but that made me want to stay away even longer.
I would pass cacti and a few animals out here, reminders that even in the emptiness of a desert, there is life. Life that reminded me of my old life, when things were good. I started to long for that life again, but I didn’t know how to get back there. Out here in the desert, it is easy to lose your way, to continue to go the wrong way, to be desperate to go back but not knowing the way.
Frustrated with the way I was living and desperate for help, I looked back to where I thought the river was and somehow I was able to whisper help me Jesus.
That was a name I hadn’t said in a long time.
Dig. I heard a voice say.
I fell to my knees and started to dig the dry, hard ground. I broke a couple fingernails and my knuckles and fingers bled. Why am I digging? It is so easily to forget the voice I heard.
Keep digging. I am never far from you.
Through the sweat and tears I kept digging for what seemed like hours. Eventually the ground began to soften and shortly after, there was a stream of water. I immediately took a drink and my eyes opened.
It was like I was blind but now I see. I thought I was alone out here but now there were hundreds, no, thousands of others with me. Thousands just like me, wandering aimlessly. Lost souls.
Next thing I knew, I was back at the river. I had found my way home, but I knew I could not stay. I was given a second chance, a new way to live my life, and I knew what I had to do.
I took my first steps into the desert, but this time it wasn’t for me to do what I wanted to do. This time, I had to find other lost ones and bring them back to the river with me.
It was a day for rejoicing and it was a day for sadness. It was a day the angels knew was coming but it was also a day they did not want to come. It was Christmas Day and it was Jesus’s first day on earth which means it was also the angels first day without Jesus in Heaven.
How did it come to this? The humans were given chance after chance to change their ways. There were warnings. The angels visited many humans to tell them what was going to happen. Deep down, the angels knew it was wishful thinking. They knew God’s plan to save the world was in action but still…. In the end they all knew they had to accept God’s will.
The angels had many questions. How long will Jesus be gone? Will the humans listen to him? Will the humans see all the miracles he would perform and still not believe? Will the humans change their evil ways? What would the angels do without him?
Many of the same questions the humans would have many years later when Jesus would leave earth to return to Heaven.
The angels still had a job to do. They went and they spread the good news of Jesus’s birth. They told the shepherds and they told the kings. They told the carpenters and they told the goldsmith. They spread the good news from the lowest valley to the highest mountain.
But yet, on that first day without Jesus in Heaven, they wept. Jesus was missed but they knew he would return. Yes, Jesus would return and they would anxiously await.
My God, My Music, My Life 