Songs For Missing Dad on Father’s Day

Dad by Tyler Wood –

Dad’s Old Number by Cole Swindell-

Hey Dad by Matt Stilwell –

Heaven Bound Balloons by Granger Smith-

Jealous Of The Angels by Katherine Jenkins-

Song For Dad by Surrender The Crown –

Miss You All The Time by O.A.R.-

Fishing With My Dad by Bobby Bones-

What I Wouldn’t Give by We The Kings-

Chevy and Daddy by AJ Sanders-

I Thought He Would Live Forever ( Part 1)

Image result for tunnel through mountain in colorado

Little Culver, Colorado.  That’s where I am from. It’s a Mayberry type of town, one main street, two lights, the old school that was there before they built the new one in Big Culver, that’s now a bed and breakfast, a small cafe that my parents own and one gas station.  We are exactly a half mile from Big Culver, which is exactly one mile high from the rest of the world.   We are approximately one hour and twenty minutes from Denver.  At least we are now, but we weren’t always.  It used to take almost four hours until in 1970, the year I was born, Culver Pass Tunnel was made.  They blew up part of the mountain and made a tunnel that was a smidge over a quarter mile long.  By doing that, the trip to Denver became a lot less time-consuming.

We are on the west side of Culver Peak.  The first major peak as you enter the Rocky Mountains from the plains.  If you go east from Little Culver and go up the mountain to Big Culver, you will find the best world-class ski resort in Colorado. I believe that is why they made Culver Pass Tunnel. No one is going to drive four hours from Denver to get to it when they have so many other options. But now, book your reservations early because, during ski season, there will be no rooms available. If you go up the rest of the mountain east of Big Culver and cross over the peak, you would swear you could see Ohio.  My dad once told me when he and mom were missing me, they would go up there and pretend Ohio wasn’t so far away. Once you get down from Culver Peak, it is almost all flat lands as far as you can see.

I moved away when I was eighteen to go to college to go to The Ohio State University. I am now forty-eight years old and this will be my fifth time back in the last thirty years.  Life gets busy, school, job, wife, children, finances, etc.  I can make a million excuses but if I really wanted to go back, I could have found a way.

Why do I find a need to write all this down and tell you? I don’t know. I think I am trying to get my mind right, get my thoughts out. I’m on Southwest Airlines flight 447 from Columbus, Ohio, where I currently reside with my wife and four daughters, to Denver Colorado. I stare out the window, thirty-five thousand feet above the ground but my mind is a million miles from this world. 

Last night I got the call from my mom, dad had passed.

The only thing I could think to say was I thought he would live forever.

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In about five minutes, what I am writing now will be in the future as we cross the central time zone.  Another hour from that and the rest of what I write will be in the future as I keep losing time.  I wish life was like that and I could go back a few hours, a few days, a few months to see my dad one more time but time, and life, doesn’t work like that.

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My dad is, was a truck driver. Mostly he would drive from Denver to Kansas City and back. Sometimes he would go from Denver to Salt Lake City Utah.  Usually out and backs so he was home often. My mom is the best cook in the world. She owns the Little Culver Diner.  It seemed like almost everyone from Big Culver would come down the mountain to order my mom’s famous home-cooked meals.  On days when my dad was gone, I would help mom set up the diner in the mornings, she would make me a ham and cheese omelet and then I would catch the bus up to Big Culver to go to school. After school, the bus would take me back home and I would help mom out in the diner as well. I believe I am a fine cook myself but I do not compare to my mom. On days when my dad was home, he was an avid runner. He said it helped clear his mind and free his soul.

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I remember the first time he let me go down from Little Culver to the Culver Pass Tunnel. I was ten years old and my dad let me ride my bike with him. For a ten-year-old to look down a half mile road that was all downhill and curves, it was quite intimidating. I rode the brakes all the way down, I think I used all the rubber off the brakes that day. My dad was patient with me. We finally arrived at the pass and it was scary as well. Imagine a quarter mile tunnel that had very few lights. Parts of it, I could not see my dad ten feet in front of me.  He wanted me to ride in front so he could watch me but I was having no part of that. After we appeared on the other side of the tunnel, I was awestruck from the view.  Amazingly, the road was mostly flat but to either side of us, it looked like you could fall off the face of the earth. We would go anywhere from one and a half miles to three and a half miles before we would turn around and head back home. I had to walk my bike up the half mile back home.

One last view of the city below

As I grew and got older, I started to run with him. I ran on days when he wasn’t home so I could get stronger and faster and he wouldn’t have to slow down and wait on me. There were days when he wanted to run by himself and I was heartbroken.  I didn’t understand the need for him to be alone. Of course, now that I am older and a parent, I totally understand. Days when I run are the only time of the day I am alone with just me and my thoughts.  Running is my sanity.  Looking back,  I am actually surprised he let me go with him as much as he did. Being stuck in a truck all day, that was his time and he let me share that with him. That’s the kind of man he is, was. 

It’s hard to think of him in the past tense.

After all, I thought he would live forever.

To be continued….

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Dad by Tyler Wood –

Dad’s Old Number by Cole Swindell-

Hey Dad by Matt Stilwell –

Heaven Bound Balloons by Granger Smith-

Killing Me by Luke Sital-Singh-

Why God by Austin French-

Jealous Of The Angels by Katherine Jenkins-

If Only by Escape The Fate –

January 11th, 2017 by Mike Posner-




Happy Father’s Day


Happy Father’s Day. For some of us it is a day of celebrating and honoring our father, for some of us it is a day of sorrow and remembering our father, and for some others of us, it is a day of wishing they had a father or that their father was more involved in their lives.

My dad was a truck driver. He was home almost every weekend. To me, it’s just how it was. I didn’t envy my friends that had their fathers every day. Maybe that’s the introvert in me that’s ok with being alone. I know he worked hard and I have my work ethic from him. I wasn’t as close to him as I should’ve been but when he was gone all week and I didn’t talk when he was home I guess it was what it was. When he was home and wanted to teach me how to work on a car I wanted sports and girls. It didn’t affect the way I am as a father, except maybe I want to be home every day to be with my children. He was a great dad though and through all his good and bad it taught me valuable lessons on what to do and not do.

When I think about it, I know I never considered how hard it must have been for him. All the sporting events , all the little moments, and all the big moments he missed. The life of a truck driver back then was harder than it is now. Less truck stops, practically no healthy foods, no exercise (no 24 hour gyms).  All those things affected his mental and physical health. Not to mention the agent orange and Vietnam War he also dealt with.

He was also an awesome drummer who could play anything by ear. I could bring home Skillet or Bon Jovi or Luke Bryan and he could play right along without ever hearing the songs before. He played in bands and in bars since he was young so that didn’t help his health any either.

If I really think about it, he had 3 strikes against his health. (bands/bars, truck driving, Vietnam). I wish he would’ve taken better care of himself so he could still be here. I know he would be proud of me, he always said he was.

Call me weird but I have never felt the need to be accepted by anyone. Maybe I am lucky that way. Maybe I have just always felt accepted by my parents and by God. I know a lot of children live to be accepted by their fathers and when they are not, they try to find that acceptance elsewhere – which is always bad. Listen up dads, tell your children every day how much you love them, how much you are proud of them, how much you appreciate them and how much you accept them, even when they make mistakes. A spilled glass of milk cleans up easy in a few minutes, the harsh words you yell at your kids for making the mess will last a lifetime.

No matter what kind of dad you have, please believe you have a father that loves you and accepts you for who you are. Your Father in Heaven will always have his arms open for you, His words will always guide you, and His love for you will never fail. Trust in that and trust in Him.

However you are feeling about your father today I pray that you will be thankful for him. Without him you wouldn’t be here reading this today and without him you wouldn’t be able to make a difference in this world. You can make a difference.

If today is a struggle for you because your dad wasn’t there for you, maybe today can be a day of forgiveness and reconciliation for you.

Thank you dad for being the hard worker, teacher and example for me to follow. Thank you for loving me. Thank you Father for always being there for me, for accepting me for who I am and for waiting for me to come to you.

John 16:27  “No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God.

1 John 3:1  How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

2 Corinthians 1:3-4  I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles

John 17:23 I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus

Ephesians 3:14-15 I have always been Father, and will always be Father

John 1:12-13  My question is ~ Will you be my child?

Luke 15:11-32 I am waiting for you

Father’s Love Letter – 

Through My Father’s Eyes by Holly Starr – 

Dad, You’re My Hero by Teresa James – 

He Didn’t Have To Be by Brad Paisley – 

Things My Father Said by Black Stone Cherry – 

I Wish I Could by Collin Raye – 

A Father’s Love by Bucky Covington – sometimes dads show their love by what they do, not what they say

Father’s Day by Butch Walker – 

That’s What Daddys Do by Billy Ray Cyrus – 

Love Without End Amen by George Strait – 

Drinking Beer With Dad by Kid Rock – 

I Want To Be Just Like You by Phillips Craig & Dean – 

The Man I Want To Be by Vern Swedin – 

Tough Little Boys by Gary Allan – 

Dance With My Father by Kellie Coffey –

A Song For Dad by Keith Urban – 

Song For My Father by Sarah Mclachlan – 

The Father’s Song by Matt Redman – 

How Deep The Fathers Love For Us by Skillet among many others but had to pick my fav band – 

Imperfect Father, Imperfect Daughter, Perfect Love

After my last post, I  would like to talk about my other daughters. Kylie gets a lot of attention since she is still at home but I have three other wonderful daughters. Isn’t God funny? The way I treated some girls when I was younger and then I get blessed with four daughters.

Kirstie is my oldest and has made a lot of mistakes. She is a great person with a big heart but she didn’t really have a father figure around while she was growing up ( I came in the picture when she was 13).  I see her growing and trying to better herself. I know I messed up some by giving up on her at times when she made those mistakes when I should have been pulling her closer. I pray she gives her life to God and lets him work in her.

Kelsey is who you would want a daughter to be. She makes mistakes but she stands for what she believes in. She is respectful and loving. She can be a little hard on people at times but in the end,  I believe she forgives and moves on. She has also called me D2 for her second dad but I pray one day I can move down to D3 and let God be D1. As you know I am not a big talker so I wish we were closer but that is my fault.

Kayhla is my daughter from my first marriage and she has been through so much so the rest of this will be her story. Her mom and I divorced when she was 3 or 4. We had shared parenting until she was 6 then her mom moved to Florida and I had full custody. I am not condemning her mom, she did what she thought she had to do at the time. I raised Kayhla by myself for a year or so then married the wrong person. I thought I could change her, only God can change someone.  That was a quick year and divorced again. As you can see, I was just as much blame for Kayhla’s early childhood experiences as her mom. I was always there physically to protect her and love her but once again, emotionally I wasn’t always there since I am not a talker.

Then I married my current wife and I thought everything was fine. We were in a stable home, going to church, my wife would take care of everything at home and the girls but I would work a lot and when I was home, I didn’t connect emotionally with anyone, let alone Kayhla.

Kayhla turned 15 and all heck broke loose. She had never dealt with the emotions of her mom leaving, the life changes I had put her through and how I wasn’t around to help her and show her how to be with a guy she deserves to be with. I basically was coming home to a war and I was the general and all I did was ground her and take away all her stuff. That didn’t help things. I also didn’t agree with what she was doing but it wasn’t much different than what I did as a teenager, except the disrespecting and back talking to parents. If I did that, I knew a belt was coming.  As things were getting worse and the situation was affecting my relationship with my wife I gave up. Not that I quit caring but for the first time in my life I gave up and gave it to God. I told him I couldn’t do this on my own.

First thing I heard was give her her stuff back. I did. My wife didn’t agree but I was listening to God. We then had her go to a Christian counselor to work through some of the things with her mom and I went to a few sessions to deal with how I had failed her. It changed how I parent and makes me a better parent today and was the start of the turnaround for Kayhla.

When my wife and I were going through a rough patch a few years ago, I was constantly amazed by how Kayhla would give me a bible verse or encouragement or say just the right thing at the right time. I knew that was God working through her.

She sometimes still doesn’t make decisions I agree with but I let her make them, win lose or draw. I know I am not in control and that God will direct her foot steps. I will always be here for her when she needs me. I believe she should move back home and save money and start paying back student loans but she isn’t ready yet. Will she ever be? I don’t know, but I will put it in God’s hands.

We aren’t as close as I wish we were but she works and goes to college and has a boyfriend so there isn’t a lot of time but we both need to work on getting closer.

Looking back I can honestly say that during this trial, I was always seeing things through my perspective. How could she do this to me, her dad? I am the only one that has been there for her her entire life, I’ve done everything for her, sacrificed so much for her, etc etc.   Now I see things differently. I see how this trial has made me a better father now, made me more patient, more appreciative. I also can see things through God’s eyes. I mean how many times has He had to say to me, why are you doing this, I am always there for you. Do you not realize how much I sacrificed, my own son, for you. That makes me open my eyes.

I need  to work with being closer to all three of these girls. I pray God lets them know how much I love them and how much they have made me a better person for knowing them. I pray God puts people in their lives to direct them closer to Him. I pray they see how God is working in me and their mom/step-mom and what we went through and where we are today and know that He can do the same for them, no matter what they are going through.

Since I didn’t talk much and what I did say didn’t seem to get through, I made Kayhla a cd. I tried to put songs on from her view and my view. Here are some of them.

Monster You Made by Pop Evil – 

Nobody’s Perfect by Jessie J – 

Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self by Pink – 

Letter To Me by Brad Paisley – 

Don’t Let Me Go by Summer Set – 

Keep Your Eyes Open by Needtobreathe – 

Daddies and Daughters by Kevin Fowler – 

Fathers and Daughters by Kristin Chenoweth – 

Moments Like These by Selah – 

Teenage Daughters by Martina McBride – 

Hurry Home by Jason Michael Carroll – 

Change In The Making by Addison Road – 

Baby You’re A Star by Deirick Haddon – 

Pray For You by Blessid Union Of Souls –