Imperfect Father, Imperfect Daughter, Perfect Love

After my last post, I would like to talk about my other daughters. Kylie gets a lot of attention since she is still at home but I have three other wonderful daughters. Isn’t God funny? The way I treated some girls when I was younger and then I get blessed with four daughters.

Kirstie is my oldest and has made a lot of mistakes. She is a great person with a big heart but she didn’t really have a father figure around while she was growing up ( I came in the picture when she was 13). I see her growing and trying to better herself. I know I messed up some by giving up on her at times when she made those mistakes when I should have been pulling her closer. I pray she gives her life to God and lets him work in her.

Kelsey is who you would want a daughter to be. She makes mistakes but she stands for what she believes in. She is respectful and loving. She can be a little hard on people at times but in the end, I believe she forgives and moves on. She has also called me D2 for her second dad but I pray one day I can move down to D3 and let God be D1. As you know I am not a big talker so I wish we were closer but that is my fault.

Kayhla is my daughter from my first marriage and she has been through so much so the rest of this will be her story. Her mom and I divorced when she was 3 or 4. We had shared parenting until she was 6 then her mom moved to Florida and I had full custody. I am not condemning her mom, she did what she thought she had to do at the time. I raised Kayhla by myself for a year or so then married the wrong person. I thought I could change her, only God can change someone. That was a quick year and divorced again. As you can see, I was just as much blame for Kayhla’s early childhood experiences as her mom. I was always there physically to protect her and love her but once again, emotionally I wasn’t always there since I am not a talker.

Then I married my current wife and I thought everything was fine. We were in a stable home, going to church, my wife would take care of everything at home and the girls but I would work a lot and when I was home, I didn’t connect emotionally with anyone, let alone Kayhla.

Kayhla turned 15 and all heck broke loose. She had never dealt with the emotions of her mom leaving, the life changes I had put her through and how I wasn’t around to help her and show her how to be with a guy she deserves to be with. I basically was coming home to a war and I was the general and all I did was ground her and take away all her stuff. That didn’t help things. I also didn’t agree with what she was doing but it wasn’t much different than what I did as a teenager, except the disrespecting and back talking to parents. If I did that, I knew a belt was coming. As things were getting worse and the situation was affecting my relationship with my wife I gave up. Not that I quit caring but for the first time in my life I gave up and gave it to God. I told him I couldn’t do this on my own.

First thing I heard was give her her stuff back. I did. My wife didn’t agree but I was listening to God. We then had her go to a Christian counselor to work through some of the things with her mom and I went to a few sessions to deal with how I had failed her. It changed how I parent and makes me a better parent today and was the start of the turnaround for Kayhla.

When my wife and I were going through a rough patch a few years ago, I was constantly amazed by how Kayhla would give me a bible verse or encouragement or say just the right thing at the right time. I knew that was God working through her.

She sometimes still doesn’t make decisions I agree with but I let her make them, win lose or draw. I know I am not in control and that God will direct her foot steps. I will always be here for her when she needs me. I believe she should move back home and save money and start paying back student loans but she isn’t ready yet. Will she ever be? I don’t know, but I will put it in God’s hands.

We aren’t as close as I wish we were but she works and goes to college and has a boyfriend so there isn’t a lot of time but we both need to work on getting closer.

Looking back I can honestly say that during this trial, I was always seeing things through my perspective. How could she do this to me, her dad? I am the only one that has been there for her her entire life, I’ve done everything for her, sacrificed so much for her, etc etc. Now I see things differently. I see how this trial has made me a better father now, made me more patient, more appreciative. I also can see things through God’s eyes. I mean how many times has He had to say to me, why are you doing this, I am always there for you. Do you not realize how much I sacrificed, my own son, for you. That makes me open my eyes.

I need to work with being closer to all three of these girls. I pray God lets them know how much I love them and how much they have made me a better person for knowing them. I pray God puts people in their lives to direct them closer to Him. I pray they see how God is working in me and their mom/step-mom and what we went through and where we are today and know that He can do the same for them, no matter what they are going through.

Since I didn’t talk much and what I did say didn’t seem to get through, I made Kayhla a cd. I tried to put songs on from her view and my view. Here are some of them.

Monster You Made by Pop Evil –