Your Rose Garden

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I watched you for what seemed like hours as you tended your rose garden. I never understood why you would want to have so many roses and why you would want to spend so much time out there. You would always say you loved the way the dirt smelled. You would spend countless summer days bent over the garden, sweat dripping from your brow, pulling the weeds and pruning the roses. You would come inside sweaty, dirty, and looking exhausted but you always had a smile on your face.

I don’t get it I would say. You would reply, what’s their to get. It’s my time to do what I love and it’s my time I spend all alone with God. You should hear the conversations we would have. I would always reply I don’t know if I want to and we would laugh.

Even in the dark cold days of winter you would get bundled up and go outside to walk the path through your garden. Talking to them, touching their dead branches. Of course, I didn’t get that either. Why on earth? You would always say that they aren’t dead. There is life inside of them. They are like a lot of people in this world. Walking dead but there is life in them. It’s up to us to bring that life out. Waiting patiently, for today they may appear dead but with tomorrow there is always hope.

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You are like that. You had a natural beauty that I was instantly attracted to but it was your inner beauty that would light up my heart. You could walk into a dark room and it would be like someone turned on the lights. It is the type of person you are.

Until one day you were taken from me. A teenager was texting and driving and ran into you. Neither of you survived. God needed his angel back and I had to pay the price. At your funeral the pastor recited your favorite bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Forget you God. If this is your plan then I don’t want any part of it. I looked out the back window and saw your rose garden. In my grief, I ran outside and I pulled and broke and cut every rose bush. I screamed and hollered your name. I screamed at God.

Out of breath, cut, scratched, and bleeding from the thorns, I dropped to my knees and let my tears water the lifeless dirt.

Summer turned to winter and, like the days , my heart grew darker and colder. I didn’t know how to live without you. I didn’t want to live without you. God should’ve taken me with you. My pain was too much to bear.

I looked out the window and saw the bare garden. I finally understood what you meant. Even if they appeared dead, at least they were still there. Now there was nothing but bare dirt. I grieved more as I recalled that day I destroyed what you loved.

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As seasons go, winter turned to spring. We had an early spring this year. I looked out the window and could not believe my eyes. Somehow in the very back of the garden, barely visible from where I stood, a rose bush had survived and now had two roses blooming.

I ran outside as fast as I could. I had to touch them to see if they were real. As I did, I could swear I caught a faint scent of you. Then in the spring breeze I could swear I heard your laughter. I immediately dropped to my knees and grabbed a handful of dirt. It smelled so full of life.

In that moment, I felt my heart start to beat again.

I went out and bought as many rose bushes as I could find. There had to be at least a hundred of them and I was going to fix what I destroyed. I was going to fix your rose garden.

I labored for hours that first day. I went to bed exhausted, sore and smelling like dirt but I would wake up refreshed, ready to start again. I realized I could not do it on my own.

I looked at my phone, hesitant to dial their number. I dialed anyway. I called the teenagers parents and they came over to help. I think all of us healed a little bit that day.

I watched every day as your garden came back to life. I spent hours out there talking to you. I slowly learned to talk to God again.

Summer rolled around and I was still in the garden. Sweat rolling off every inch of my body but it was okay. I stood up to take a break and I swear I felt your hand touch mine. I closed my eyes remembering what your touch felt like. I looked down at my hand but yours was not there. I started to lift it up when a beautiful butterfly landed in my palm. Then a sliver of light fell right on it, giving it its own spotlight. I smiled, then the butterfly fluttered toward my face and touched my cheek, as if giving me a kiss. Then it flew to a nearby rose and I did something I hadn’t done in a long time.

I said your name out loud. Kim?

Then a summer breeze picked up and I swear I heard it carry your laughter. Tears fell down my face but I smiled.

In your rose garden I found life again. I found you again. I found God again.

I miss you every minute of every day but it was right there and then that I knew I would never be alone.

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For The Memories

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For my mom. I know you will cry, especially being so close to dad’s going to Heaven three year celebration.  I am always thinking of you, praying for you, and loving you. Even though I don’t call home enough.

For The Memories

I booked that old hotel we always stayed at on the beach

The one you loved so much, the waves were within our reach

I made reservations at the restaurant you like

I took a walk on that trail you loved to hike

I bought that old movie you raved about

I know you love me, that’s no doubt

I bought two tickets to the baseball game

I had to laugh when it was cancelled because of rain

I got two scoops of ice cream, one for you, one for me

I changed the paint in the bedroom from blue to green

I got out that old rusty bike and took it for a spin

I was excited when we first got them way back when

I got out the boys old ball gloves

I think baseball was their first love

I dusted off all the old trophies they had won

Even though I knew the tears would come

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I even got out a few of those old records

The scratches and hisses, the old covers made of cardboard

I got out the old photo albums

I remember  you were so handsome

I heard our granddaughter playing your old drums

I had to smile as she played to the words she would  hum

It’s all the small things I seem to miss

As I sit here and silently reminisce

All the things that were little all are now  grown

All the things we did together I now  do alone

For the memories,  filled with so much emotion

I reach for your hand and take a step into the ocean

2040

Remember When by Alan Jackson – 

In Loving Memory by Alter Bridge – 

Memories Don’t by Emily Shackelton – 

Remembering You by Steven Curtis Chapman – 

New Favorite Memory by Brad Paisley –  

Slow Dancing With A Memory by Darryl Worley – 

Nothing Holds A Memory (Like A Song) by Jason Cassidy – 

The Song Remembers When by Trisha Yearwood – 

More Than A Memory by Garth Brooks (performed by Lee Brice) – 

The Memory Will Never Die by Default – 

Memories and Moments by Tim O Brien & Darrell Scott –