The Haunted House

On October 29, 2018October 29, 2018 By roberthansen1317In Christian life, haunted house, Short story, the mind is haunted4 Comments

Animated Haunted House animated house gif halloween haunted

I have been in the house many times since the first time. The first time was when I was eight years old. I was being teased, called a chicken, and all those things kids say to each other. Triple dog dare. You can’t turn down a triple dog dare. It was the first time I opened the door. I only looked inside for a second but that was enough. The door had been opened and my future was doomed.

I soon started visiting the house more than I would like to admit. Always by myself of course. I couldn’t let my friends know what I was doing. Each time I went in I would find a new room to explore. It was fascinating at first. All these new things I was finding meant I was also learning more about myself. I thought I was being brave. Anytime something would happen to me I would run to the solitude of the house. Only in the day time though. Never at night.

At night you could always find me in my own house. Safe, warm and comfortable. My parents loved me and I felt safe in my house. Of course you could say as many times as I was visiting the so-called haunted house that it became my home away from home. My place to go to be alone and collect my thoughts. Leave some of my thoughts there. Come out a new person, but I left a part of me in that house each time I went.

It wasn’t long before I was sneaking out of my home and going to my haunted house at night. I couldn’t help it. I loved being the only one there. The only one that knew I was spending so much time there was me. I loved that sometimes when I went there would be a new room or two to explore. I never questioned how they got there. Part of the mystery of a haunted house I thought.

I started to withdraw from my friends so I could spend more time there. I could explore my house for hours on end, always something new but I could also go back and remember. Remember the who, what, why, where and when of the first time I opened this door or that door. Remember when I was so scared I slammed that door closed, only to peek back in a few weeks later. No door was ever sealed shut. I could visit anytime I would visit the house.

The problem came when I couldn’t resist the house anymore. It just kept luring me in. Like it was calling out to me. Come on in, it is safe here. You don’t need anyone else. Just you and your thoughts, that’s all you need. No one will hurt you in here.

Comfort. I found comfort in that house. I should’ve bought the place and moved in. Saved me from going there all the time. It was on one of these trips that I met someone. A man like I had never met before. He told me to stop going to the haunted house. There is nothing there for me. How did he know was my first thought? My second thought was who cares who he is. This was my world and my house and he was just an intruder. Another person out to get me.

A couple days later I was going back to the house and there he was. Sitting on the front steps. The same steps I first went up when I was eight, except they didn’t look so scary anymore. They almost looked warm and inviting. Anyway, back to my guest. There he was. “How did you get here,” I asked. “I’ve been watching you for years,” he said. What kind of person is this? I then bluntly told him to leave. He wasn’t welcome here. He told me he couldn’t do that. He was here to help me leave this place, leave it for good.

No way. This is my place. My home. He had no right to ask me to leave it.

But he got me thinking. In my experience, that is never a good thing. I would rather just go to my house and leave my thoughts in one of the rooms.

I walked on by him and he got up and followed me in. “Look at your prison,” he said. “My prison? This is my house,” I corrected him. “No”, he said, “I have a much better house for you. Want to see it?”

“Not really sure,” I said, “I like this place.”

“Here take my hand and I will show you,” he said. I don’t know why but I reached out for his hand and….all the doors opened. All the doors in my house flew open and everything that was in them came pouring out.

I screamed, “let me go!!” I pulled my hand away and ran. This wasn’t my house. How did all these things get in here? Why was he letting them all out? I tried to shut the doors but they would not close. I fell to my knees and let them overtake me. But they didn’t touch me. They all poured into him. He took them all. All my good and all my bad. All my pretty and all my ugly. They all poured into him.

I watched, mesmerized. It seemed like it lasted for hours but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. How could I let all this stuff in my house? I watched as everything flew out. Things I forgot I put in the rooms. Things that kept me a prisoner in my house. Fear, lots of rooms full of fear. Anxiety, worry, hurt all leaving my house. Negative thoughts and lies I believed to numb the pain all gone. Depression, shame, guilt- all gone. Anger and hate, see you later. Regrets, doubts about who I am, lies, distrust, unforgiveness, all gone.

You might ask what was left but you already know. Love was left. A love that told me I didn’t need to live in this house. A love that told me I was forgiven. A love that showed me who I am. A love that told me to unlock those doors and throw away the key. A love that told me my house isn’t haunted. A love that told me I could’ve left that house anytime I wanted. A love that told me I never had to build that house.

Mansion by NF – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF5QE3-ox4o&w=560&h=315]

My Own Prison by Creed – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBBqjGd3fHQ&w=420&h=315]

Empire In My Mind by The Wallflowers – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJdalfe75ko&w=420&h=315]

Demons by Imagine Dragons – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8&w=560&h=315]

Baptize My Mind by Jon Foreman – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lqn6wtToIE&w=560&h=315]

Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71KdkbT7FKA&w=420&h=315]

Keep Your Mind Wide Open by Annasophia Robb – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYFwJR73R50&w=420&h=315]

Outta My Mind by Anthem Lights – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AT9Ieal8TMo&w=420&h=315]

Peace Of Mind by Decemberadio – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T1GLg4a73o&w=420&h=315]

Voices by Sumerlin – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usdmb_32G4g&w=560&h=315]

Hearing Voices by Anberlin – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaDziaupqHE&w=560&h=315]

March Out Of The Darkness by Papa Roach – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ9UxY8ENb0&w=560&h=315]

Out Of Mind by Queensryche – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb4Uu9objag&w=560&h=315]

Bruises and Scars

On October 26, 2018October 26, 2018 By roberthansen1317In Christian life, Domestic Abuse, poems, PoetryLeave a comment

Image result for domestic violence

The bruises are gone but the scars remain

She will never look at you the same

You were supposed to be her protector

You were never meant to neglect her

What were you thinking ?

Do you blame it on your drinking?

That’s no excuse, that doesn’t make you a man

Tell me where do you stand?

You think those words won’t leave a mark

Man those go straight to her heart

They leave a scar only she and God can see

Why don’t you just let her go free

Let her learn to spread her wings

Let her learn how much beauty she brings

Would you want your daughter treated like that?

Always flinching, always watching her back

Image result for domestic violence children quotes

Man, why can’t you understand?

She was made from God’s own hand

If you keep treating her like that

I know where you will spend eternity at

Daughter, I know you want to scream and shout

On your knees, your prayers, He hears, that I never doubt

Don’t despair

Know someone cares

Daughter, I pray no matter what you go through tonight

You’ll remember the scars Jesus bears so you know there is a light

When the bruises are gone and the scars remain

Daughter I want you to know that He knows your name

He knows your name, He knows your name, He knows your name

October is officially domestic violence month but we don’t hear about it. All we hear in October is breast cancer, a worthy cause to fight also and one that needs to be fought daily as well. We don’t see any football teams wearing purple. It simply isn’t talked about. Domestic violence is something we need to look at every day, because every day someone you know is the victim of it. One in three women, one in four men are victims. One of of every fifteen children are exposed to domestic violence and 90% of these children witness domestic violence a year. Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness in the United States. Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.

These are reported. Most domestic violence incidents are NEVER reported. Speak up, speak out, and make a difference for victims of domestic violence. The time is now to change these facts.

Silenced my Mersi Stone – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtuCSfK3b-A&w=560&h=315]

Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ux6SlOE9Qk&w=560&h=315]

Alyssa Lies by Jason Michael Carroll – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLh5vbBLpxI&w=560&h=315]

The Door by JJ Essen – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHph0I1cTj0&w=560&h=315]

Leaving You Behind by Emii – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiRSHSwB5nI&w=560&h=315]

Lies and Bruises by Ryan Daniel – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4GCwEwz5MI&w=560&h=315]

Luka by Suzanne Vega – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZt7J0iaUD0&w=420&h=315]

No More by Kuzie James – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpuNuOzu4e8&w=560&h=315]

Voices Carry by Til Tuesday – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uejh-bHa4To&w=420&h=315]

Broken Girl by Matthew West – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOYyi_FL79w&w=420&h=315]

Beautiful by MercyMe – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vh7-RSPuAA&w=560&h=315]

God’s Daughter by Son of Adam – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIttOjlcMXc&w=420&h=315]

I Believe You Domestic Abuse and Faith Community – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3z3dHhLL8RM&w=560&h=315]

He Knows My Name by The McRaes – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULDZZqVekJg&w=420&h=315]

He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli – [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpBgJHmGmw&w=560&h=315]

I Let You Go

On October 23, 2018October 23, 2018 By roberthansen1317In cancer, Christian life, poems, Poetry1 Comment

Image result for letting go of someone you love

Today was the day

I had to find the strength to walk away

I know I have to let you go

You are still as beautiful as the day we met

Our time together I will never forget

But, I have to let you go

Memorizing the tiniest details of your face

Memories that can never be erased

But, I have to let you go

I know our paths will cross again

You were my lover, my best friend

But, I have to let you go

The room used to spin when you walked in

I really can’t believe this has to be the end

But, I have to let you go

When we were together time stood still

A love like ours was honest and real

But, I have to let you go

Maybe we could’ve walked another mile

Maybe we could’ve had a few more smiles

But, I have to let you go

I know that there’s someone who loves you more

He is waiting for you and this kills me to my core

But, I have to let you go

I know you know how much I care

You know with you, my heart is always there

But, I have to let you go

Image result for letting go of someone you love

I try to understand

As I let go of your hand

And, I let you go

Asking God a million times why

As I turn my head so you won’t see me cry

And, I let you go

I know one day I might be fine

But for now, it’s just simply time

And, I let you go

Thankful for the time we shared

I really thought I would be more prepared

To let you go

The light in your eyes has went away

I knew today had to be the day

That I let you go

I know your pain wasn’t leaving

I could hear your labored breathing

And I knew I had to let you go

I held you tight, oh so tight

Knowing there was no more fight

And, I let you go

God give me the strength to walk away

God give me the strength to face a new day

As I let you go

Your last word, your last breath

As you slipped from life to death

I let you go

Image result for philippians 3 21

I’ll Think About You By We Are Messengers –

Kidnap An Angel by Bon Jovi-

Austen by As It Is –

Ok, Here’s The Truth By Javier Colon-

Strong Enough To Cry By Joey Feek-

Where Were You by Francesca Battistelli –

You Came Running by Laura Story –

Walk By Faith by Jeremy Camp –

Why Not Me?

On October 23, 2018October 23, 2018 By roberthansen1317In cancer, Christian life, poems, PoetryLeave a comment

Image result for children cancer

You look at me with tears in your eyes

Begging, pleading, asking God why?

You say I am too young

Too much life left to be done

High school graduation, jobs, marriage, children

Heroes and villains and all that will remain hidden

I am telling you it’s okay

I smile and simply say

Why not me?

Maybe it has to be

If it’s God’s plan and it’s my time

Then in His hands I will be fine

A plan

We can’t understand

A better lesson learned

A life being returned

My heart given to someone new

My kidneys will be donated too

My lungs will help someone breathe

Parts of me will continue to be

Maybe a foundation in my name

Will raise enough to change the game

In the meantime don’t be sad

Remember the time we have had

A lifetime wrapped up in just a few short years

When you cry let them be joyful tears

Things happen that only He can see

So I ask again, why not me?

Why should it be yourself

Or even someone else?

I am strong, brave, and courageous, can’t you see?

That is why I say why not me?

I trust in God’s plan so I don’t ask why me?

Let your smile be the last thing I see

Related image

If you would like to help, there are many foundations to donate. Here are a few:

http://www.championforchildren.org/portfolio-item/lindseys-wish/

https://www.sambishfoundation.org/

Image result for children cancer

Little Giants by Tay Barton –

Sing Me To Heaven by Bradley Walker –

Kola by Damien Jurado –

Braid My Hair by Randy Owen –

Thy Will by Hillary Scott –

No One Fights Alone by Christian Spear –

Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood –

I’m Gonna Love You Through It by Martina McBride – 1

Immortal

On October 17, 2018October 17, 2018 By roberthansen1317In Christian life, Short story2 Comments

Image result for fighting in illness

We rejoiced in another battle won. We have fought many over the last few months but this one was not only of joy but sorrow. We lost many good men today, and I take the blame. I am their leader and I did not lead well today. Something was wrong with me.

Looking back on my lifetime, I have fought many battles and I have never, not ever, not even once been nicked, scratched, cut or anything. I have walked away from all those battles unscathed. I have had men die, but they were far and few between. I have fought battles alone and never lost. The enemy could not touch me.

Some say God must have His hand on me. Some say that I am extremely lucky. I don’t believe in luck.

I have walked into cities that were destroyed by the black plague and I did not get sick. I have walked into small villages that were so decrepit that stray dogs would not even live there. In fact, I have never been sick a day in my life. Not a cough, not a fever, not even a single sniffle.

That all changed three days ago.

A few of my men and I were relaxing and drinking a few at the local bar. We parted ways and I started to go down an alley I had walked down hundreds of times. Immediately, the hairs on my arms and neck stood up. Something didn’t feel right. I drew my sword, prepared for battle. Two demons jumped from the shadows. I easily disposed of the first one. As I faced off against the second one, a thought came into my head. One that I never had before.

You can not win this one.

It came and was gone just as fast but it stopped me in my tracks. And in that second of delay, the demon swung his arm. I ducked but his long fingernails grazed my arm. I came back at it with an uppercut and then my sword sliced through his neck. His headless body fell at my feet and I was victorious again.

It was then I noticed I had been cut. My arm was bleeding. For the first time in my life, I felt pain.

I fell asleep that night and woke in a cold sweat. Nightmares came to me and I could not escape them. I could not fall back asleep. My heart was beating out of my chest and my head was on fire. I tried to get out of bed but my legs would not cooperate. I fell to the floor. I stayed there until the morning light.

Morning came and it was like nothing had happened. I picked myself up off the floor. My heart was beating normal, the fever gone. My strength was back. I wondered if it had all been a nightmare. My imagination was running wild.

It was Wednesday. Drill day. Every Wednesday when we were not in battle, my men and I had drill day. We went through the basic fundamentals of battle. Defense, offense, blocks, attacks, etc. We also did obstacle runs and uphill runs to make us stronger, to have more endurance than our enemy. I ran circles around my men. No one could ever keep up. But today, I had nothing. Halfway through I dropped to my knees, out of breath. Out of energy. What the heck? My men teased me until they saw my face. I was pale as a ghost. I fell on my back and grabbed my cut arm. It felt like it was on fire. My heart was racing. My men picked me up and we walked back to town. What was going on?

Then I heard the voice again, you can not win this one.

You don’t know who I am, I conquer everything and everyone, I replied to no one.

The next day we were attacked like we had never been attacked. So many demons. The battle lasted for two days and I made many mistakes. I could not think straight. I could not lead my men, I had no strength to do so. I should’ve put my second in command to the front, to lead, but I was too proud. I kept telling myself I can get through this like I have so many other battles. But this wasn’t like any other battle. We won but we lost a lot of men. A lot of good men and it’s all on me.

The fevers kept coming, my head was on fire. My heart beat irregularly. I couldn’t catch my breath if I walked more than a minute. Yet, I was too stubborn to see the sorceress or the doctor. Only weak people go to them. But yet, I could not shake what was happening to me.

You can not win this one.

I was getting sick of this voice. But I was getting more worried about the shape I was in. My people needed me, my town needed me. I had to give up and seek help. I could not do this on my own. I went to the doctor and all their fancy machines, medicine, and spells. I listened closely, the rest of my life depended on what they told me I had to do.

I am slowly getting better, but I have let others lead my men to battle. I have taken a step back so I can take a few steps forward. It is a long road to recovery, but the doctors say I will make it.

I have come to realize that I am only a mortal man. A man who knows I can only be immortal when I pass this from this life to meet my maker.

Image result for fighting in illness

As I was writing part of this, I was listening to the new Building 429 cd and this song came on. Funny how God works.

Joy Unspeakable by Building 429-

Soul’s Anthem ( It Is Well) by Tori Kelly –

Miracle Or Not by Alisa Turner –

More Than Gonna Make It by Alisa Turner –

Long Year by Jackie Lee –

Way, Way, Way Down In The Deep

On October 16, 2018October 16, 2018 By roberthansen1317In Christian life, poems, PoetryLeave a comment

Image result for fighting demons

Way, way, way down in the deep

Is a monster who is waking from a long sleep

If you are still enough, you can feel a slight breeze

As it slowly unfurls it’s wings

Can you hear the demons sing?

God only knows the horror it will bring

From way, way, way down in the deep

Is a monster who is not afraid of defeat

A monster who believes it can not be beat

Can you feel the electricity in the air?

A monster like this is truly rare

It will tear you apart and not even care

I don’t mean to cause you to panic or for you to fear

But many of you do not believe this monster is near

But it is closer than you think and its goal is clear

Its eyes are open, its wings have unfurled

It doesn’t care if you are a boy or a girl

It only wants to destroy the world

But tonight, I travel and I can not sleep

For way, way, way down in the deep

Is a monster that I seek

I travel to the darkest of places

Looking, searching for the tiniest of traces

Don’t worry, I am not afraid to face it

I feel the wind stir, I can smell the evil

It knows I am coming, it mistakes me as feeble

But God has chosen me to protect his people

I travel deeper into the depths of darkness

This monster thinks I am nothing, that I am harmless

But I won’t leave here without carrying its carcass

From way, way, way down in the deep

I have found this monster I seek

Before it fully wakes, it will die in defeat

Image result for fighting demons

Made For This by Carrolton –

The Elements by Tobymac –

Nobody by Casting Crowns –

This Could Change Everything by Francesca Battistelli –

Monsters by Shinedown –

Memories Crash

On August 21, 2018August 21, 2018 By roberthansen1317In Christian life, poems, Poetry2 Comments

Image may contain: 1 person, eyeglasses

How long has it been

My memory isn’t what it used to be

I try to remember when

But the memory seems to escape me

What your face looked like

How your voice sounded

As hard as I try and try

How many times? I haven’t counted

But everything is slowly slipping away

I move forward toward tomorrow

But God, how I wish I had one more day

If I had one more minute I could borrow

But I don’t and that’s how life goes

Another day, another memory fades

But I wish, I want you to know

I wish I said then the things I have to say

Your smile and the lines on your face

I try to recall the way you would laugh

Now I sit and talk to you at your grave

Trying to recall but more memories crash

Image may contain: 2 people, beard

Dad’s Old Number by Cole Swindell-

Dancing In The Sky by Dani and Lizzi –

If Only by Escape The Fate-

Heaven’s Not Too Far Away by We Three –

This Is Your Song by Ronan Keating –

Love Is Stronger Than Death by The The –

A Tree That Touched The Sky

On August 16, 2018May 13, 2020 By roberthansen1317In Christian life, God, God can change your life, poems, Poetry4 Comments

Image result for tree that touched the sky

I saw a tree that touched the sky

It hurt my neck to look up so high

I wondered if I could climb to the top

But after a few feet, I had to stop

Doubt crossed my mind, am I worthy?

I think I am a little too dirty

What if I went a few more feet?

I wondered just what I would see

But another doubt, am I good enough?

Am I really worthy of love?

But a voice from somewhere inside

Told me to continue to climb

A quarter of the way up a whisper so small

What are you doing? Don’t you know you could fall?

Somewhere inside something told me not to fear

Don’t look down because the top is almost near

Halfway up I grew weary and tired

Voices everywhere telling me he’s a liar

Do you really believe he forgives?

Look at how you have lived!

So many wrongs, so many mistakes

Half your life you’ve been a fake

I reach for another branch, I must continue

Leave the past in my rear view

Why do you continue to climb?

What is it you are looking to find?

A voice says it’s not that far down

Let’s get back to solid ground

Another voice says you are almost there

It’s getting harder to breathe with this thin air

Maybe I should turn around

Back to the earth so green and brown

But something pushes me to go higher

I swear I can hear an angel’s choir

Three fourths the way I have climbed

Pushing onward, I am no longer blind

The negative voices telling me I must stop

Are still there but I listen not

I know why I found this tree

But this knowledge isn’t only for me

Image result for tree that touched the sky God bible

I must tell you of all the truth I have acquired

On this journey where I had all my heart desired

But nothing ever seemed to satisfy

I was always searching but empty inside

I learned more the closer I got to the top

About grace and forgiveness and a true love

A few more branches, just a stone’s throw

When I heard a voice from a long time ago

Give it up, you are not good enough

Look at you, so unworthy of love

Do you really believe you can change?

Why don’t you turn around, reverse your way?

You are ugly and you have a terrible past

Even if you find love, it won’t last

The tree offered me another of its arms

I climbed higher, knowing there would be no harm

I knew in that instant my past did not define

The future was there for me to climb

Another branch or two

I was that much closer to the truth

But I felt the tree start to sway

I wondered if this is why so many walk away?

When the tree sways, people become afraid

So, way up here, I started to pray

For those in mansions, homeless on the streets

For those that always seem to win and those who are always beat

For those that are addicted to fight their pain

For those that have so much more to gain

I prayed for things unseen and those that are seen

I prayed for you and I prayed for me

Forgive me for what I’ve done

Into your arms I want to run

I no longer want to hide my face

I want to accept your love and grace

If you could help me climb a little more

I know I will never be who I was before

Then I felt a hand grab mine

He pulled me up to finish my climb

Image result for tree that touched the sky God bible

Dear God by Hunter Hayes-

Breakthrough by Chris McClarney –

Here I Am by Lincoln Brewster –

Breaking Point by Sanctus Real –

Days Gone By by Hillsong Young & Free –

The Room

On June 5, 2018June 5, 2018 By roberthansen1317In Christian life, God, God heals, God is there, Miracles, Short story, With God anything is possible8 Comments

Image result for closed door

image credit: willomailley.com

For the last fifty nine days, every day has been the same for me. I didn’t expect day sixty to be any different.

I wake up, look in the mirror and tell myself today is the day. Today will be the day that I can do it. I am stronger than I think I am. I can do this.

I then walk out of my room and go exactly five feet three inches and stop in front of the room. I reach for the door knob then pull my hand away. I stare at the door for what seems like hours but it is only minutes, maybe seconds. I then take a deep breath and walk away.

Image result for hand on doorknob drawing

image credit: The Sabbath Recorder

I go about my day like a robot. Doing without thinking. Lost in my guilt. Lost in the what if’s. Everyone looks at me the same. Fake smiles. I fake smile back. They say everything will be alright. I want to scream at them that it will not be, but I don’t. I only want to hit something. I have so much anger and hurt and it’s all my fault. They say it is not but I know it is.

I go home. I hesitate as I turn the key to unlock the door. Do I really want to go back inside? I don’t know what else to do so I turn the key.

I make dinner and set two plates out of habit. I know you won’t be joining me. I eat in silence.

I go upstairs to go to bed and I once again stop at the door. I reach for the door knob and pull my hand away. I take a deep breath and walk away. I go into my room and yell at myself in the mirror. Why are you so weak? Why can’t you turn the knob?

God help me! Where are you? I need you. She needs you. Why won’t you make her wake up? I need a miracle.

I fall asleep listening to the hissing and popping of the machines that keep her alive.

I have the same nightmare, but it’s not a nightmare. It’s a reality. You fell down the stairs and couldn’t move. Ten minutes. That’s what the doctor said. If I could’ve gotten you to the hospital ten minutes earlier you would’ve made it. If I would’ve came straight home that night you would’ve been okay.

But I didn’t.

We were fighting and I took the long way home to clear my head.

Ten minutes.

I wish I would’ve driven straight home. That’s why it’s all my fault. That’s why I can’t go in there. I know I did that to you.

I wake with a startle. The house is silent.

It shouldn’t be silent!

The machines have stopped. I jump out of bed and run to the door. I reach my hand out and pull it away. Maybe it’s for the best.

She needs you.

I look around. No one is there.

She needs you. She is still alive. Appreciate the living while they are here. One day she will be gone and you won’t be able to tell her anything.

Tears pour out of my eyes and before I know it my hand turns the door knob. I slowly walk to your bed and reach out to hold your hand. I am so sorry. Please wake up, please. I love you. I need you. I am sorry I haven’t been here. I will always be there for you from now. Wake up! Please God, wake her up.

I feel her hand squeeze mine. It had to be my imagination. I look up through the tears and see her eyes open.

I didn’t expect day sixty to be any different. God knew it would be.

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