The Widow

She had mixed emotions as she approached the tree. She wasn’t even sure why she was here after all this time. She continued up the hill to where the tree was and sat in the shade of its branches. With her back to the tree she looked up and asked, “Why am I here?”

Yes, this was the same tree where she met him. She was okay before she met him. She had great friends that made her laugh. She did well in school and was the second best scorer on the basketball team. Her parents loved her even though her dad wasn’t around much. She was an innocent girl. She came to the tree to get a break from the summer heat.

That’s when he walked up to her. It was under this same shade tree that she let her guard down and welcomed him into her life. She immediately took a liking to him and opened up to him. She told him about all her fears, her concerns, her feeling unwanted by her dad. She knew he loved her but he was never around. Too busy working, too busy hanging with anyone but her.

That’s all he needed to hear and he knew she would be his. He was smooth talking and was easy on the eyes. She fell for him hard. It wasn’t long before she was doing things she never thought she would do until she was married. She started drinking. She started fighting with parents. She started sneaking out of the house. She missed more curfews than she can remember.

 

“Oh God, why am I back here?!!” she yelled.

She thought about the mess he caused of her life. Well, she knew she caused it but it was all because of him. He promised so much but fell so short. She thought back and could only shake her head and laugh. “I gave up so much for him. I was a mess. So why am I back here? Did I just want to see where it all started one more time? Was I wanting to go back to that life? Was I missing the excitement that he gave me? ”

No, that wasn’t it. She was happy where her life had taken her. She was happy with her family. She had the most amazing daughters and she couldn’t even begin to tell you how amazing her husband is. She found herself remembering the day she said yes to Jesus and no to him. She remembers the darkness that left her. She remembers the freedom she felt. It really was astounding to think that someone died for her. That someone gave His life so she can live. After all she had done, He still welcomed her home. Back to the place she was before she met him. Even when she had betrayed Him and went her own ways, He was still there waiting for her. She thought to herself, now that is an amazing story.

She thought about her journey. The good, the bad, the ugly. So why was she back here? Why did she have to come here? What was she missing in her life that she would go back to him? No, that wasn’t it. She wasn’t here to go back to him. As crazy as it sounds she thought she was here for closure. She was here to say good-bye once and for all.

“You tried to break me. You tried to turn me into your toy and it worked for awhile. But I am better off without you. I am better now that you are gone. I have Jesus and I don’t need you. You have no place in my life. I am stronger because of you and for that I thank you. I won’t fall for your tricks again though. Even when I feel you pulling me I know the pleasure isn’t worth the pain. It’s not worth the hangover the next morning. The shame and guilt. I’m past that. I am new now and I will never go back to you. There is one in my life that is stronger than you. One that is better than you. One that doesn’t lie to me. One that will hold me, will love me no matter what I have done. Good-bye to you. I am and always will be better off with you gone. Dead and gone. Like you made me for that period of my life when I fell for you. But I am alive and I am here because of Jesus. You are dead to me.”

“I am a widow to my old self, to my past sins, to him. I am a widow to the death that was inside me.”

“Thank you God for never giving up on me. Thank you God for searching for me when I was lost. Thank you for carrying me when I was too weak to walk. Thank you for holding my hand when I just needed to have you with me. Thank you for listening to me when I need to talk. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for loving me and thank you for who you are. I promise I will not go back to that life again. Thank you for the power of your love that I can walk away from him, he is truly dead to me and I have you to thank for that. You are all I need.”

With that she got up and walked back down the hill. She never looked back. She did look up and smiled.

Satisfy by Worship Mob – Long video but listen to 5:30 to the end if time is short 

Surrender by Blanca – 

Name by Nichole Nordeman – 

Broken Hallelujah by The Afters – 

Back Where I Began by Seventh Day Slumber – 

Give Me Jesus by Jeremy Camp – 

That Was Then, This Is Now by Josh Wilson – 

Grace Wins by Matthew West – 

Your Grace Finds Me by Matt Redman –  

Thank You by Jesus Army – 

Your Choice

When I first started this I was thinking it would be about old friends or old relationship,  like Adele’s Someone Like You song.   Then I heard RaeLynn’s Love Triangle and it went a different direction. Hope you like. Dads, be there for you kids, no matter what. They need you in their life.  The statistics of how children turn out without a father in their lives are not good. Be there. Be thankful for them. Love them.  Be thankful for forgiveness. One of the most important things you can do as a dad is to love their mom. Show them what a real man and a real father and a real stick it out, work it out relationship should look like.

 

When I left it wasn’t your choice

It must be strange to hear my voice

After all these years

After you cried a million tears

“I’m sorry I was wrong.”

“I should never have left you for so long.”

“I’m sorry I decided to leave.”

“I know that must be hard for you to believe.”

“I felt like there was no other way.”

“When I packed my bags and left that day.”

“Your mom has raised you well.”

“You’re beautiful inside and out I can tell.”

I could also tell I had scarred her

Her first question, “Why didn’t you try harder?”

“Wasn’t I worth trying?”

“Do you know how many nights I spent crying?”

“I promise daddy, I could’ve been better!”

“Don’t you think I was worth one call, one letter?”

“I know you and mom had your troubles

But why did you keep me outside your bubble?”

“Do you know many nights  I yelled into my pillow at you?”

“Do you know how many days I wondered what did I do?”

I just stared at her, how could I cut her out of my life?

There was nothing I could say, she was right

She had so many questions that hurt me so

But nothing like the pain I caused her I know

I cried my first tear

I let go of all my fears

All the times I could’ve

All the times I should’ve

I let them all go, left the past in the past

Here she was in front of me at last

I asked, “Will you ever forgive me?”

“I did dad, a long time ago can’t you see?”

“I prayed for you!”

“I waited for you!”

“I did have so much anger and hate

But God taught me that love was the only way.”

“As hard as it was I slowly learned to forgive

So that I could learn to live.”

“I opened up the walls surrounding my heart.”

“Here I am dad, willing to give us another start!”

I lost it all, I crumbled in her arms

I promised her I would never again harm

If God could help us reunite

Then I knew I had to give Him my life

Thank you for mended relationships

Thank you God for fixing this

Never again will something come in between

I will spend the rest of my life letting her know how much she means

Love Triangle by Raelynn-  

Perfect Story by Idina Menzel – 

Every Other Weekend by Kenny Chesney and Reba McEntire- 

Two Houses by Matthew West – 

Family by TobyMac – 

Hey Mom and Dad by Sloppy – 

Song For My Father by Sarah McLachlan – 

Forgiveness by Matthew West – 

Forgiveness by TobyMac feat LeCrae – 

Forgiveness Is A Miracle by Jason Gray –