The thunder startled me awake early Saturday morning. I looked outside at the storm. The rain was coming down so hard I couldn’t see the neighbors house. Lightning and lightning followed by thunder and more thunder. I thought I’ll just crawl back under the blankets because there was no way I was going out there.

I watched the storm for a few more minutes when I heard the voice.

Go out into the storm.

Of course my answer was no. I am not going out there if you paid me to go out there. I am nice and warm and dry right where I am.

Go out into the storm.

No I said, not even sure why I replied.

Go out into the storm.

Why? I am just fine right here where I am.

I need you to go out into the storm.

For no sane reason I could possibly think of, I found myself at my front door putting on my raincoat and rain boots. If for some unknown reason I’m going out into this storm, I was going to protect myself the best I could. I grabbed my umbrella and opened the door.

I hadn’t gone more than fifteen feet when the wind ripped my umbrella apart. I thought this is one of the dumbest things I have ever done and started to turn around to go back inside.

Don’t turn around. Keep walking.

No, I replied. I am in control here and I do not want to be in this storm.

Don’t turn around. Keep walking.

Why? I do not want to be in this storm.

I need you to not turn around. Keep walking.

For another unknown reason, I walked.

Take off the raincoat and rain boots.

Seriously, no, no, and more no. If I am going to be in this storm, I am going to protect myself.

Take off the raincoat and rain boots.

Why? Why do I keep asking why? I should just go back inside. How’s that? I will take them off when I am inside nice and dry.

I need you to take off the raincoat and rain boots. I need you to be vulnerable. I need you to take off all those layers you have been building to protect the hurt and pain you have.

What are you talking about? I started thinking I am going crazy and I definitely knew if any neighbors were looking out the window they would call the mental institution. There’s my neighbor walking outside in the bare minimum talking to himself.

You have layers and layers of lies you have been piling onto yourself. I need you to take them off.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

Quit living in the past. Forgive yourself for the hurt you have caused. Take off that layer. Love yourself because I love you. Take off that layer of self loathing. Accept yourself for I have accepted you. Take off that layer of guilt, that layer of shame. Take off that layer that you are not good enough. Take off that layer that you are the lies you have told.

No. I said. They make me who I am. What am I without all those layers? Where were you when I was putting them on. Where were you when, where were you……..

And I fell to my knees in the pouring rain and yelled and cried and let the rain come down.

I have always been here. You have chosen to stop looking for me, stop listening for my voice. I was there asking you to stop. I was there, that tiny voice , telling you this is wrong what you are doing. I was there telling you that you are more than this, you are better than this. I made you and I know you are so much more. I was there when you cried yourself to sleep giving you comfort as you wept. I was there when they told you you weren’t good enough. I was there when they left you. I was there holding your heart, holding your hand. I was there leading you toward me and I was there when you pulled your hand away. And I was there still chasing you, still begging you to come to me. I was there waiting for you.

I was there in the storm. I was there in the pain. I was there in the hurt. And I am here now, asking you to trust in me, believe in my truths, let it all go. Surrender it all and give it to me. I will make you new. Turn away from your past and your mistakes. They are not who you are. They do not define you. Come, walk with me into the now, into the tomorrow. Be who I have made you to be. Love as I have loved you, forgive as I have forgiven you, forgive yourself. Accept me as I have accepted you. You are so much more than your past mistakes, you are deserving of a future that you can not comprehend. Grab my hand and walk with me. Do you want what I have for you? The choice is yours for I have always given you free will. Choose to stay in your past and the lies you believe about yourself or choose to walk with me, walk in the light, free yourself of all that weighs you down. Surrender it all, give it to me.

I let the tears fall and I somehow slowly started to release the layers I had built. And it was in that moment when the rain was pouring down and the lightning and thunder was all around me that I realized I am more.

And I let the rain come , I let the rain wash away that pain and I stood up and I laughed at the lightning.

And then the rain stopped. The clouds parted and the brightest rainbow appeared before me and I could smile again.

In Jesus Name (God Of Possible) by Katy Nichole –