But l, like you, was too wrapped up in my own screen
To look up and reach out to tell you how much you mean to me
But in the end I guess you are just a little stronger
And you’ve been able to fight a little longer
But for me, well this was my last night
The darkness claimed victory over the light
And maybe I shouldn’t have smiled through the pain
And maybe I shouldn’t have hidden these thoughts in my brain
Maybe you wouldn’t have thought I was going insane
And maybe you could’ve broke me free from these chains
But a lot of maybes I guess we’ll never know
I miss who I was not so long ago
I wish you could see these tears roll down my face
But man, there’s so many things I can’t erase
And I know sorry will never be enough
I wish, I wish I felt like I was loved
But you know, it’s not like anyone will miss me
When was the last time anyone even reached out to me?
I mean, you really had to know
I was taking blow after blow
And you had to know I got up each time a little slower
And you had to see I was holding my head a little lower
You had to see I smiled a whole lot less
I mean, I was a total freaking mess
Not even Instagram could hide my sadness
And my Tik Tok’s were borderline madness
Hey, I’ve even scheduled posts three months ahead
I might even be instafamous after I’m dead
At least for a day or two
Then it’ll again be all about you
I mean my writings went from hope and faith to despair
But not one person reached out to care
A pity party this is not
Like me, it’ll be so easily forgot
Like I said, I get it, you’ve got your own likes to get
But I hope , unlike me, you can live without regrets
You know, it wouldn’t hurt to get away from the screen
Be a good friend, a real relationship, one last piece of advice from me
And I know you are busy, got your own life to live
But man, I hope God really does forgive
Don’t get me wrong , it’s not all on you
These demons I have are a wicked crew
Maybe I should’ve told you all this before tonight
But it really wasn’t until a minute ago I gave up the fight
I always felt like I’d have more time
But sometimes you are out of rhymes
I wish I never felt the things that I have felt
But I feel like I didn’t know how to ask for help
(In case anyone thinks this is a goodbye note, it is not. I am still here but these thoughts are in my head. We all know someone who is hurting but we are afraid to reach out and dig deep and make that connection. Challenge this weekend is to put your phones down, go knock on a neighbor’s door and ask them how they are doing. Buy a pizza and sit down together and talk. Who knows, you might just save a life.)
You Will Be Found by Ben Platt –
A Place Called Earth by Jon Foreman/ Lauren Daigle –
The two strangers left the room. She sensed they had been there before but could not remember who they were and when they had been there.
Strange, she thought, how the mind works. Some days it’s as clear as the blue sky above her right now. Other days it’s as if she’s in a hurricane. The dark clouds and the rain and wind pushing her memories here and there.
She started talking to “Tom” again. At least that’s what she thinks his name is. He seemed to be the only one who understood her anymore. Sometimes she didn’t speak a word but he would nod right along as if he could read her mind.
(art courtesy of deviantart.com)
The nurse walked in for her two hour check up. Has it been two hours already? Time doesn’t make much sense to her anymore. The only time she really remembers is day and night but being in this room with only a small window, sometimes she didn’t even know the difference.
“Who are you talking to Sam?” the nurse asked. Samantha just stared at her like she didn’t understand the question.
First she wondered who Sam was, her name was Samantha, then she wondered why the nurse asked such dumb questions all the time. Could she not see “Tom” sitting in the corner chair.
She just smiled at the nurse. Too tired for words. My God, when did she become so tired all the time? She remembers her youth when she was so active. Often walking two or three miles a day and swimming for an hour.
She loved the beach. She can still remember her kids so small. How they would spend all day on the beach eating bigger than your face slices of pizza and following that with eat it fast before it melts ice cream.
(art courtesy of deviantart.com)
She wondered where her kids are now. Shouldn’t she be making them lunch or dinner? What time is it anyway she thought?
She shuffled across the room to admire the flowers the strangers left. She loved flowers. So much so she often got in trouble for borrowing flowers from other tenants that lived on her same floor.
Oh yes, the strangers. Were they just here yesterday, or was that today? Would they be back?
She hoped they would be. She liked how they smiled at her and talked to her. They did her nails and they looked at old photographs with her. They kind of looked like how she thought her kids would look when they grew up.
(art courtesy of deviantart.com)
For the life of her she could not understand why they called her mom. But she liked hearing those words.
And for the life of her she could not understand why they told her they loved her and missed her. They said they would be back soon. Yes they did say that. She liked that. She couldn’t wait for them to come back.
Then she said to “Tom,” you know I like them two. They remind me of my young ones.
Then she looked out into the hallway and said I miss you all, I’ll be home soon.
(art courtesy of deviantart.com)
Tell Me Your Name (Diane’s Song) by Jason Michael Montgomery-
My God, My Music, My Life 