Let Me Fail

Hey mom and dad, it’s okay if I fail. I tried. I will not succeed at everything but I have to fail at most things to know what I will succeed at. You have to let me fail.

I know it’s hard for you to not just jump in when I am struggling but let me struggle. I have to be able to figure things out on my own. I love when you hold my hand but there will be times when you won’t be there and then what? What will I do if you aren’t there? I will have to figure it out on my own. I am capable. I am strong. I am smart.

I know this is hard for you to hear but sometimes you just have to get out of the way. I know you love me and I know if I can’t get this figured out I can ask for your help. Just like the other day when I asked you about that math problem.  I had to have time to think it through and figure out if I could do it on my own before I asked.

Chances are I will not be a professional athlete. No matter how hard you push me, no matter how many nights I spend in the driveway shooting free throws, no matter how many extra sprints I run. No matter how loud you yell at my games. No matter how many times you play catch with me. You know the odds are astronomical right? If I choose to pursue this though you better know I will push myself beyond my limits to do it because I know not very many make it. However,  if I don’t want to play soccer this season but want to try to play guitar, let me. I may go back to soccer later. I may be a terrible guitar player, but I won’t know unless I try. Who knows, maybe I am the next Eddie Van Halen.

I will give 100% to everything I try. I learned that from you. I will not quit if I don’t like it at first. I may even end up liking it. You have never quit on our family so I know what it is like to keep trying and not give up.  I just may not be good at what I try and that’s okay. I will do the most with the abilities I have. Success for me right now is trying.

I am not afraid to try. Fear of failure is not a part of me. I want to be able to fail, to find out more about me. I am still trying to find out who I am in this world. Not who you want me to be. I will fail. There is no doubt in my mind. I will also succeed at many things. I just need you to give me that opportunity.

I don’t know what God has in store for me but you have given me a great start. For that , I am forever thankful. As I grow older though I want to try new things. I want to see what I am good at. I want to be .. Well like you.  You know what you are good at and you know what you are bad at and it’s all because of you trying and succeeding, and failing.

Do not let me make bad choices or go down the wrong road. I fully expect you to put me in place if that happens. There is a difference between making bad choices and failing at something I want to try.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to succeed. But I also want to fail. I want to pick myself up and dust myself off and say wheww I suck at that. I won’t know until I try though. I want to find out what it’s like to be knocked down and get back up. I want to figure out what I did wrong and how I can get better. I want to persevere.  It even says in the Bible that perseverance builds character .  I want to be someone that people look to and say they want to be like me. I can’t do that if you do everything for me. If you are always helping me succeed. I have to test my limits and my abilities. I know you will be there for me if I need you, but right now I just want to go for it on my own. I want to see what I am made of. I want to laugh at myself if I stink. I want to be proud of myself if I succeed. I won’t be able to do any of these things if you don’t let me try, knowing I may fail.

Please mom and dad, let me fail. I will be okay. I may cry. I may get mad. I will struggle. I will get hurt. I will feel pain. I will get knocked down. I will pick myself up. I will find joy. I will be proud of myself for trying. I will find something I really enjoy doing. I will be thankful for the experience . I will learn how to fight for what I want. I want to say I tried.  I will succeed.

I will succeed, but first you have to  let me fail.

No Boundaries by Kris Allen – 

I Lived by OneRepublic – 

Unafraid by Pillar – 

Limitless by Colton Dixon – 

Born To Try by Delta Goodrem – 

Die Trying by Art of Dying – 

Champ by Nelly – 

Rise Up by Green River Ordinance – 

Born To Rise by Redlight King – 

Burn Bright ( You Were Made To Shine) by Natalie Grant – 

Brave by Sara Bareilles – 

 

Fears and Failures by This Beautiful Republic – 

Why Do We Fall Motivational – 

Failure Is Success Motivational – 

Famous Failures – 

This Disease

For Cancer Awareness Month, an old post

I have been going back and forth, fighting myself on whether or not I should put my lyrics on here. On the plus side, maybe my words could touch someone without being in a song. On the negative side, what if someone used my lyrics without my permission. Anyway, in honor of October being breast-cancer month I have decided to put this one on here. I can hear how I want it to sound in my head but, unfortunately, God didn’t bless me with the talent to write music.

I wrote this 2/10/15 when I was in Kroger one day and saw someone in a wheelchair and the words just started coming out. I wrote if for cancer but a friend of mine said he could see this disease as just being sin in general. I had never thought of it like that but I can see it like that also.

I would still like to turn my lyrics into a song but finances are not what they need to be for me to do that. I would love to have Lily Messer sing it. Or the girl who sings Thank You by Jesus Army. Or Lauren Daigle. Or maybe there is a voice out there I haven’t found yet that will reach out to me. All my attempts so far have failed but I am not discouraged. God will take the words where they need to go and the rest will be history.

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For those that have cancer, or any disease, I pray that you will find strength in the one who made you. I pray you will find comfort in His arms. I pray that you will fight.

This Disease

This disease is tearing me to shreds

Some days I can’t get out of bed

I still have a voice to pray

That You, God, can heal me today


I’m okay if this is the day I die

In you I know I will always be alive

Behind these tears know I’m at peace

I’ll miss this world but I’m ready to leave


I know I’m coming home

I know they won’t be alone

Your arms will comfort them like they have me

In Heaven, I will be rid of this disease


Thank you for giving me time on this earth

Thank you for dying, to show me what I’m worth

Thank you for giving me your words, your life

Thank you for dying so I can be alive


I’ll be an example, I’ll fight to the end

I pray that I’ve been a good friend

But when I breathe my last breath

As my time in this world is put to death


I know I’ll be coming home

I know they won’t be alone

Your arms will comfort them like they have me

In Heaven, I will be rid of this disease


Let them know I didn’t give up

That they will always have my love

I’ll be watching them as they grow

I pray that You they will get to know


It’s time to leave this disease behind

Your eyes they look so kind

As my soul leaves this body

I’m coming home to You God


I know I’ll be coming home

I know they won’t be alone

Your arms will comfort them like they have me

In Heaven, I will be rid of this disease

This disease didn’t win

Your love was always within


 

I Run For Life by Melissa Etheridge – 

Healing Hand of God by Jeremy Camp – 

My Story by Big Daddy Weave – 

Through All Of It by Colton Dixon – 

Your Hands by JJ Heller – 

Believe by Elisa Lynee – 

No One Fights Alone by Christian Spear – 

Hold On by Dominic Camany – 

Hope by Capri Ruberto Anderson (Capri Canada) – 

I’m Gonna Love You Through It by Martina McBride – 

My Everything by Owl City – 

It Is Well By Bethel Music – 

Kylie’s first College Gameday

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Even if it is two days before November, I will be thankful for the time Kylie and I spent together this past Saturday.  Having three older daughters, I know it will go by fast.

 

Since Kylie was little, we would watch College Gameday together whenever I was off work, which wasn’t often. When I worked we would always call each other and FaceTime the last ten minutes to make the picks together. (I could stream ESPN when I was at work Saturday’s.)

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It is a tradition that I hope will continue well into her adult years. She likes the NFL better than college. I like college better than NFL. But in general I think both of us just like watching football together.

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We went to watch College Gameday live since they were in Columbus for the Ohio State-Penn State game. We had a really good time, even though it was cold and raining, then snowing. 71 Friday, 35 Saturday morning. Only in Ohio they say.

I tried to get Kylie to stay and watch the Skull Session, where Coach Meyer talks and The Ohio State Marching Band, TBDITL, plays but she was too cold and wet.

Needless to say she didn’t want to stay and try to find tickets to watch the game live, nor did I want to pay $200 plus per ticket. We went home and warmed up and watched the game from home.

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We were certain Ohio State would lose the game since everyone was picking them to win. They, Ohio State, tried to give the game away but in the end pulled out an exciting 39-38 win.

Plus we were on TV at least four times. That makes us stars in today’s society right.IMG_3140.JPGIMG_3147.JPG

We Are Buckeyes by Joseph Allen White – 

Ohio State Marching Band –  

The Mask

This is my last Halloween post. I hope you enjoyed the stories. If you missed any be sure to go back and check out The Maze, The Funhouse of Mirrors and The Haunted House.

Even though I am no Edgar Allan Poe this is the scariest yet ( but don’t worry, it has a happy ending.)  We all wear masks! This mask story is just one of many I could tell. It is a true story and it could happen to you. Not that the other stories weren’t true- that’s up for you to decide. Reader beware!

You wake up each morning

Ignore all the warnings

With a smile on your face

Our love was being replaced

Breakfast made and the kids are dressed

Don’t even know their lives are about to be a mess

Out the door they go to school                                                                                                   You let the devil make you a fool

I come home from work

But you’ve been digging in dirt

You show me that beautiful smile

Right now, you are just in denial

You wear a mask of past shames

Yet, you continue to play games

You say you aren’t the one to blame

The mask of your past caused this pain

You where the mask of lies and deceive

Your family is the one you leave

You’re wearing a mask

Did you think this would last?

But you can’t hide it well

Did you think I couldn’t tell?

Oh love, what have you done?

Was it all just for fun?

You’re tearing our world apart                                                                                                   You’re breaking our kids hearts

Fast forward through the hurt and lies

Fast forward through the tears we cried

Fast forward through the pain                                                                                                   What did you think you had to gain?

I gave up and God stepped in

“Now let me take all this sin, ”

He whispered to me “it’s not about you,

I want you to  stay until I am through”

He walked us through the dirt and mud

Our love went from ashes to a bud

You removed the mask you wore so long

Now you are back with God where you belong

Through all His redeeming grace

Our marriage found a new starting place

So my friends what can I say?

You have to pray to God each day

What can get you through the worst?

In your marriage, God must come first

Don’t fall for the tricks of the evil one

Don’t let your marriage come undone

His words are smooth but they are not true                                                                           Don’t let the devil come between God and you

Be careful of the seeds you sow

Guard your heart with the truth you know

Be careful of the mask you wear

Let Jesus carry the cross you bear

Remember when you first fell in love                                                                                       Love each other, look to God above

Don’t let the devil come and destroy

Don’t fall for his games, his ploys

Even though you once believed he who lied

Because of God, our marriage survived

The devil tried but he isn’t winning                                                                                          With God our end became a new beginning

This story is scary because it is true

I will pray it doesn’t happen to you

But if it does, it doesn’t have to be the end of your story

Let God use your struggles and pain for His glory

If I Told You by Jason Walker – The perfect song for this post. Please listen.

Masqerade by Jonathan Thulin – 

Change This Heart by Sidewalk Prophets – 

You Are Loved by Stars Go Dim – 

Behind The Mask by Eric Clapton – 

Something More by Secondhand Serenade – 

You Don’t Know How Beautiful You Are by Jon Foreman – 

Sick Charade by Letter Black – 

The Real Me by Natalie Grant – 

In A Hole Again by Tesla – 

Giving It Up by Kristian Bush – 

Love Heals Your Heart by Third Day – 

First Song I Sing by Sara Groves – 

Give Me Jesus by Jeremy Camp – 

You Loved Me First by MikesChair – 

Ghosts And Goblins

 

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This didn’t turn out like I wanted but you can get the drift.


 

Ghosts and goblins don’t scare me.

Werewolves?  Nah.

Vampires don’t either.

What about bears and lions you ask? Not in the least. Most of the time if they attack they are only protecting their territory or their young.  Now I must say I have never been in front of a ten foot tall, mad mama bear but sitting here in the comfort of my home I am not afraid.

What about snakes? I will admit they get my heart going but not really afraid of them. Again, I have never come face to face with a black mamba or a king cobra but, for now, I can say I am not afraid.

Spiders? Not at all.

Most animals are the same. They wake up, they search for food and water, they sleep. Add breeding when it’s that time.

Monsters don’t scare me either. I mean if you can’t outrun Frankenstein or the Blob then shame on you.  Yes, I know there are faster monsters out there but I am not scared.

You want to know what really scares me?

People.

People scare me more than anything else in this world.

They are unpredictable.

They can look you in the eye and lie to you.

They can say they will never let you down and two seconds later they let you down.

They can be your best friend one minute and your worst enemy the next.

They can take you for granted.

They can say they will love you til death parts you and then leave for someone else six months later.

They can do unimaginable things when they feel desperate. Back then into a corner and they can be worse than a king cobra.

They can hate you for no other reason than the way you look.

Yes people scare me more than ghosts and goblins. Yes they scare me more than any other thing in this world. But I have seen some hope.

I have seen people jump in front of a bullet to save a total stranger.

I have seen people spend hours in a hospital room holding a loved ones hand.

I have seen people give so much of their time to help the least of them.

People scare me. But I have hope. I have a dream that people will love more than they hate.  That they will stand by their word. That when they commit they understand what that truly means.

People can be more unpredictable than any animal I know. But, unlike animals they can also do more good than they can imagine.

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People Are People by Depeche Mode – 

Who Am I  by Michael Sweet – 

People Are Crazy by Billy Currington – 

People Change by For King & Country – 

The People I Know by Eric Hutchinson – 

People Loving People by Garth Brooks – 

Shadows In The Dark

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I have a story to tell you

It is hard to believe, but I swear it’s true

I hardly believe it myself

But it is a story I must tell

You see just last night I saw shadows in the dark

I swear it’s true, cross my heart

I know you are thinking, “How can there be shadows with no light?”

I say you are correct, but this world isn’t always black and white

So sit down and listen, let me tell you my story

It won’t take long, in case you are in a hurry

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You see I was walking home, it was the darkest of nights

No where could be found a single light

(Except of course from the windows of a few brave souls up that late)

But their light didn’t cast a shadow for this was my fate

The wind ripped through the trees

I was scared, (but keep that between you and me)

I knew deep down in my bones

I just knew I wasn’t alone

I could feel the enemy all around

They made such a terrible sound

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The gnashing and gnawing gave me a fright

I could hear them, but they were out of sight

I had chills up and down my spine

I felt as if I was running out of time

It was right then and there I said a little prayer

God, if you have just a little time to spare 

Even though a lot of bad I have done

Do you think you could help me out some?

It was then I saw the first shadow

He took the lead so I decided to follow

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Soon I saw ten or fifteen more

I felt a peace that wasn’t there before

They told me their names

No two were the same

There was Integrity,  Honesty, Compassion and Loyalty

There was Kindness, Forgiveness, Responsibility and Humility

There was Hope, Love, Faith, Joy,  Courage and Trust

They told me each one of them also lives in us

They told me we are so distracted by the darkness of this place

That we often do not see them, even when we are face to face

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They walked me to where I needed to go

They left before I could thank them though

I am thanking them now by writing this to you

My friend when you are lost and don’t know what to do

When you are in despair

And think there’s no one who cares

Think of something good, something you can not see

No matter the darkness, there is a light in you and me

There is a light that can penetrate the darkest of dark

You just have to believe with all your heart

That in  your darkest of  darkest nights

There are shadows that can only be caused by the light

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Save My Life by Sidewalk Prophets –  

I Wanna Go Back by David Dunn – 

No One Can Steal Our Joy by Tenth Avenue North – 

Rise by Danny Gokey – 

The Cure by Unspoken  – 

She Doesn’t

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She doesn’t step on a crack

Afraid it’ll break her mother’s back

She doesn’t open an umbrella in the house

Doesn’t need more bad luck than she has now

She doesn’t make any funny faces

Afraid it’ll get stuck that way

She doesn’t walk in a black cat’s path

She’ll turn around, walk all the way back

She doesn’t walk under a ladder

She doesn’t think she can be any sadder

She doesn’t believe her wishes will come true

But she’ll throw a penny in a wishing well, sometimes two

 

She doesn’t care if others think she is deceived

She carries around a four leaf clover and some rabbits feet

She doesn’t cross her fingers or knock on wood

Seen so much bad she doesn’t believe in good

She doesn’t smile very much

Does her best not to judge

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She doesn’t know about the man who died to save her

I saw her one day and told her about her maker

She didn’t want to hear any part

I prayer for her, prayed for her heart

A few weeks passed until I saw her again

She didn’t want to hear about Jesus, my friend

I asked her if we could just talk

She agreed and we started to walk

We talked about little things, like our jobs and the weather

She seemed to enjoy our walks together

She doesn’t trust most of those she meets

She slowly let her walls down over the weeks

I told her how I was once like her

Then someone told me about our savior

It wasn’t much longer until she said she wanted to hear more

More about this man I had mentioned before

I told of the words I knew

Gave her a Bible so she could read too

She doesn’t live like she did

She has a new way to live

She doesn’t believe in all that superstition

She has taken a new direction, a new mission

She doesn’t care about her past mistakes

She doesn’t remember her heartbreaks

She doesn’t live like she’s unloved

She knows she’s forgiven, she knows of grace from above

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Dmitri’s Song (Jesus Is Alive) by Todd Smith – 

Tell Somebody by Unspoken – 

Learning To Be Found by Jason Gray – 

I’ve Seen What He Can Do by Aaron and Amanda Crabb – 

What I Know by Tricia Brock – 

Echo by Blanca – 

The Funhouse Of Mirrors

sites at the local fair ground - I never liked to funhouse.  But if I was with friends I went in them and rode rides anyway.  Nana

“Step right up, come on in, only a dollar” shouted the carny. He looked right at me and my friends. “Come on in boys, this will change your life” and he winked at me. I don’t know but my gut was telling me something was wrong. My friends wanted to go in and since I didn’t want to be left out, I went in with them.

It wasn’t much at first. A conveyor belt going the opposite direction. Oooh scary right? We made a tight turn to the right and the floor started shaking. Everyone started to laugh but the feeling inside me was getting worse. It was then the lights went out. We started reaching out, touching each other to make sure we were all still there. We slowly inched forward and hit a wall, promptly piling into each other.  Then the lights came on and that was when the fun began.

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We were looking at ourselves, all four versions of each of us. We looked at each other like what the crap, a couple of my friends used some other choice words. In one mirror there was me, looking as normal as I am now, if you can call that normal. In the second mirror I was a hideous monster. What the heck? The third mirror I was a baseball player, uniform, glove and all. How could this be? I only was wearing the clothes I came in with. The fourth mirror showed me as an old, decrepit old man, all by myself. It was then we realized there was no exit. We did the only thing we could and started to push on the mirrors. The only one that moved was the second one. We all looked at each other and kind of shrugged and took a step through. But we weren’t all together on the other side.

There I was, the hideous monster. I pulled on my skin and clothes to get them to come off but they were me and I was them. It was then I noticed a small light in the distance. I walked toward it and saw it was a cell phone. It had a note on it. PRESS PLAY. What I saw disgusted me and I wish I didn’t have to tell you about it, but I do. It was 15 second clips of my life. There was me eight years old pushing the other kids down on the playground. There was me twelve years old stealing a cassette from the local music store. There was me sixteen years old with my girlfriend. We were in the backseat and she said she wasn’t ready but I said we had already gone too far so let’s keep going. There was me at nineteen at a college party when a bunch of guys took a passed out girl upstairs and I didn’t stop them. There was me at twenty two when I didn’t take the keys from my friend and he drove home drunk, but he didn’t make it. There was me at home instead of visiting my dad before he passed away. There was me watching a movie instead of calling a friend who was home alone, waiting for me to call. There was me ignoring my wife because of past mistakes. Was I really this monster? Is this how others see me?

Then we were all back in the same room of mirrors. We all looked at each other like what was that? No one was laughing now. We pushed on the mirrors again but only the third one opened this time.

There I was, at Wrigley Field, pitching for the Cubs. The crowd was chanting my name. Oh yeah, this is what I was made for. They all love me. I was on the mound, World Series, game seven, bottom of the ninth, two outs, two on, two strikes. One more strike and I bring a championship to Chicago. The wind up, the pitch…and I heard it. My shoulder popped. Then I heard the crack of the bat as it connected to the ball. Then I heard the silence. Just like that it was all over. The game, my career, my life. I was so angry. I was mad at God. How could He bring me to this moment and then let it all go? One pitch. It was all over. What kind of God would do that to me? I shut everyone out. I drank myself to sleep every night. I didn’t know the women’s names I would wake up to. I didn’t care. I went from 60,000 people screaming my name to the deafening silence of my own thoughts.

There we were again. All six of us in the same room of mirrors. Mark said that wasn’t so bad. “Let’s get this over with,” said Scott. We looked at each other and hesitantly stepped into the fourth mirror.

There I was. A decrepit old man. No one there but me. A lifetime of choices led me to here. A lifetime of bad choices. How did I get here? I was a good guy once. I believed in God, once upon a time. I looked in the mirror and the mirror looked back. Was this really me? Then I was gone. There in my casket, all by myself. Honestly, all by myself. No one came to say goodbye. Not one single person! Was I that unloveable and selfish? Was I really that bad of a person? I guess the truth hurts because I must’ve been for not one single person to show up.

We were all back in the room of mirrors. A couple of my friends said how cool their mirrors were. They hope their lives turn out like that. I didn’t have anything to say. This time the first mirror, the normal mirror, opened and we walked through. A couple turns and a few distorted mirrors later we were at the exit.

“Hey boys, how’d you like it? Did you like what you saw?” said the carny. “The mirrors don’t lie boys. If you didn’t like what you saw, you still have time to do something about it.” That was when he looked at me again and winked and gave me something. I was too terrified to look at it so I stuck it in my pocket and left. He turned around and started shouting , “step right up boys and girls, come on in, only a dollar and it will change your life.”

I forgot about what he gave me until I got home and undressed. It fell out of my pocket. A small bible with a note inside. Read this if you want to change your life. Read this if you didn’t like what you saw in the mirrors. It is your choice.

Monster by Skillet – 

All Of Me by Meatloaf – 

Ain’t Much Left Of Me by Blackberry Smoke – 

These Things I Hate (Revolves Around Me) by Bullet For My Valentine – 

Chip Away by Julliet – 

Hate Me by Blue October – 

Faces by One Less Reason – 

Objects In The Rearview Mirror by Meatloaf – 

I’ll Find Me by Steve Azar – 

Sing by Waiting Hill – 

I Remember Me by Jennifer Hudson –  

I Hope They Get To Me In Time by Darius Rucker – 

Mirrors by Justin Timberlake – 

Funhouse Mirror by Jill K – 

I Choose You by Point of Grace – 

The Haunted House

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I have been in the house many times since the first time. The first time was when I was eight years old. I was being teased, called a chicken, and all those things kids say to each other. Triple dog dare. You can’t turn down a triple dog dare. It was the first time I opened the door. I only looked inside for a second but that was enough.  The door had been opened and my future was doomed.

I soon started visiting the house more than I would like to admit. Always by myself of course. I couldn’t let my friends know what I was doing. Each time I went in I would find a new room to explore. It was fascinating at first. All these new things I was finding meant I was also learning more about myself. I thought I was being brave. Anytime something would happen to me I would run to the solitude of the house. Only in the day time though. Never at night.

At night you could always find me in my own house. Safe, warm and comfortable. My parents loved me and I felt safe in my house. Of course you could say as many times as I was visiting the so-called haunted house that it became my home away from home. My place to go to be alone and collect my thoughts. Leave some of my thoughts there. Come out a new person, but I left a part of me in that house each time I went.

It wasn’t long before I was sneaking out of my home and going to my haunted house at night. I couldn’t help it. I loved being the only one there. The only one that knew I was spending so much time there was me. I loved that sometimes when I went there would be a new room or two to explore. I never questioned how they got there. Part of the mystery of a haunted house I thought.

I started to withdraw from my friends so I could spend more time there. I could explore my house for hours on end, always something new but I could also go back and remember. Remember the who, what, why,  where and when of the first time I opened this door or that door. Remember when I was so scared I slammed that door closed, only to peek back in a few weeks later. No door was ever sealed shut. I could visit anytime I would visit the house.

The problem came when I couldn’t resist the house anymore. It just kept luring me in. Like it was calling out to me. Come on in, it is safe here. You don’t need anyone else. Just you and your thoughts, that’s all you need. No one will hurt you in here.

Comfort. I found comfort in that house. I should’ve bought the place and moved in. Saved me from going there all the time. It was on one of these trips that I met someone. A man like I had never met before. He told me to stop going to the haunted house. There is nothing there for me. How did he know was my first thought? My second thought was who cares who he is. This was my world and my house and he was just an intruder. Another person out to get me.

A couple days later I was going back to the house and there he was. Sitting on the front steps. The same steps I first went up when I was eight, except they didn’t look so scary anymore. They almost looked warm and inviting. Anyway, back to my guest. There he was. “How did you get here,” I asked. “I’ve been watching you for years,” he said. What kind of person is this?  I then bluntly told him to leave. He wasn’t welcome here. He told me he couldn’t do that. He was here to help me leave this place, leave it for good.

No way. This is my place. My home. He had no right to ask me to leave it.

But he got me thinking. In my experience, that is never a good thing. I would rather just go to my house and leave my thoughts in one of the rooms.

I walked on by him and he got up and followed me in. “Look at your prison,” he said. “My prison? This is my house,” I corrected him.  “No”, he said, “I have a much better house for you. Want to see it?”

“Not really sure,” I said, “I like this place.”

“Here take my hand and I will show you,” he said. I don’t know why but I reached out for his hand and….all the doors opened. All the doors in my house flew open and everything that was in them came pouring out.

I screamed, “let me go!!” I pulled my hand away and ran. This wasn’t my house. How did all these things get in here? Why was he letting them all out? I tried to shut the doors but they would not close. I fell to my knees and let them overtake me. But they didn’t touch me. They all poured into him. He took them all. All my good and all my bad. All my pretty and all my ugly. They all poured into him.

I watched, mesmerized. It seemed like it lasted for hours but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. How could I let all this stuff in my house? I watched as everything flew out. Things I forgot I put in the rooms. Things that kept me a prisoner in my house. Fear, lots of rooms full of fear. Anxiety, worry, hurt all leaving my house. Negative thoughts and lies I believed to numb the pain all gone. Depression, shame, guilt- all gone. Anger and hate, see you later. Regrets, doubts about who I am, lies, distrust, unforgiveness, all gone.

You might ask what was left but you already know. Love was left. A love that told me I didn’t need to live in this house. A love that told me I was forgiven. A love that showed me who I am. A love that told me to unlock those doors and throw away the key. A love that told me my house isn’t haunted. A love that told me I could’ve left that house anytime I wanted. A love that told me I never had to build that house.

Mansion by NF – 

My Own Prison by Creed – 

Empire In My Mind by The Wallflowers – 

Demons by Imagine Dragons – 

Baptize My Mind by Jon Foreman – 

Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel – 

Keep Your Mind Wide Open by Annasophia Robb – 

Outta My Mind by Anthem Lights – 

Peace Of Mind by Decemberadio – 

Voices by Sumerlin – 

Hearing Voices by Anberlin –  

March Out Of The Darkness by Papa Roach – 

Out Of Mind by Queensryche – 

The Maze

I was shivering. Strange, since when I went to bed I put an extra blanket on and set the thermostat to heat up the house at 6:00. I then realized I was also wet. I startled awake only to realize I wasn’t in my warm bed. I was in some type of… give me a minute to look around. I was in some type of maze. Confused, bewildered, baffled, were some of the words that came to mind. I had to be dreaming, but I wasn’t.

I yelled out, but no one answered. I did the only thing I could and started to walk. Around this bend, turn left here, turn right there, dead end, start again. I then saw a note up ahead. I read it: If you have ever lied turn left at the next turn.  Well yeah I have lied, who hasn’t? I came to the turn and went left. After about 200 yards or so I found another note. If you have ever stolen anything, turn left again. Unfortunately, I had to turn left. I kept walking for another 200 yards and yet another note. If you have ever dishonored your mother or father turn left again.  Well, to be honest I am sure I have but if I did maybe it was just something little like talking back or missing curfew. Guess my answer was already made for me because the only way I could turn was left.

I know I just walked in a square but yet I was someplace new. Hanging up at the end of this walkway was a mirror. As soon as I looked into it I heard the voices. You are ugly. You aren’t good enough. No one likes you. Your kids don’t even like you. Look at your body, what have you done to it. You are a disgrace. Why are you even alive?

I covered my face with my hands and ran. I ran as fast and as far as I could but I could not get the voices out of my head. I came to another intersection.

Have you ever committed adultery? Well. Not physically. Then another voice: that doesn’t matter. Have you or haven’t you? Okay, yes I have! Correct. Go right.

Have you ever murdered someone? Of course not, I said. Are you sure about that? Yes, I am positive on that one. Then the images came to me like it was yesterday. The girl I talked into sleeping with me. She was so young and innocent. I wanted her. She said no but eventually I wore her down and she gave in. I murdered a piece of her that night. I murdered a piece of the boy I used to make fun of because he wasn’t like me. Oh God! Make this stop. Good try! God isn’t here and he isn’t coming. This is my world and you are just a pawn in it.  Go right.

Have you ever worshiped someone other than your so called God? Have you ever used your so called Gods name in vain?  Have you ever ….  GO RIGHT I SAID!

NO!! I screamed. I don’t have to listen to you. I don’t have to go where you want me to. I can break this. I can walk away. You are a liar.

No, you can’t. Remember you are a nobody. No one likes you, except me. You are what I need to change this world.  YOU can follow me, YOU can rule the world with me. YOU can turn stones into bread. YOU can jump off a building and angels will catch you. I can make you into the most powerful person in this world. TURN RIGHT!!

No, that’s where you are wrong. I don’t want to be the most powerful person in the world. I don’t need to be liked by everyone because I know God loves me. I don’t need your lies. I just need to follow the truth. With that last word I sprinted as fast as I could, to the left, and ran and ran for what seemed like days. I didn’t realize that the maze was disappearing as I ran. I was breaking free from the chains that bind me. By the time I stopped it was all gone.

I fell to the ground. Exhausted. Sweating. Breathing hard. I didn’t hear the footsteps come up beside me. Maybe there wasn’t any. I heard his voice. The one I have heard many times throughout my life but ignored. I felt him kneel beside me. I felt his hand on mine. I heard him say well done. I heard him say I love you. I heard him say I want you. I heard him say you belong with me.

He picked me up and walked me back home. He said trust in me. Have faith in me. Love me. And just like that he was gone. But was he really?

Breaking Inside by Shinedown – 

It’s A Maze from the Secret Garden – 

Lost by Red – 

Lost and Found by Rocket to the Moon – 

Come and Lead Me by Danielle and Mackenzie – 

You Set Me Free by Angie Miller – 

You’re Not Alone by Owl City – 

Lead Me To The Cross by Hillsong – 

Impossible by Sidewalk Prophets – 

Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole – 

Changed by The Katinas –