Twenty Miles Past Sunrise

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Forty miles before sunrise and I’m starting to fade. The white lines are starting to blur in my headlights. I rub my eyes to try to buy a few miles.

Thirty miles before sunrise and I’m rolling down the window to get some fresh air. Yes, that’s what I need. Some fresh air. Why am I driving at this hour? I can’t even remember what I’m running from. I shake my head and adjust my seat to try to buy a few more miles.

Twenty miles before sunrise and I don’t think I’m going to make it. Wherever it is I’m trying to make it to. What the!!!!! I slam on my brakes. Why would someone be standing in the middle of the road? I look around but no one is there. I’m so tired my mind is playing tricks on me. I see another person darting out from my peripheral vision. These hallucinations are driving me crazy. What if they aren’t hallucinations?

Ten miles before sunrise and I turn the radio up. Need a song to wake me up. A song I can sing along with. I hit scan and the first song comes on. I like that old time rock n roll, that kind of music just soothes the soul. Good song but not in the mood for an oldie. The scan stops next on sports radio station. No thanks, I love sports but that is not going to keep me awake. Next stop is another oldie. U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For. Well, Bono, neither have I. Neither have I. Next stop is Jason Aldean’s They Don’t Know. Oh yeah, I can do this one.

All they see is tractors, barbwire and tall green grass
They don’t see the years spent working, busting their ass
How they pray for rain
They don’t know a thing
About what it takes
Livin’ this way

They ain’t seen the blood sweat and tears it took to live their dreams
When everything’s on the line
Ain’t just another field, just another farm
No, it’s the ground we grew up on
They think it’s a middle of nowhere place where we take it slow
Aw but they don’t know
No, they don’t know

Sunrise. Look at the beauty of this sunrise. How can anyone say God doesn’t exist when they see how he paints the world each morning? Yeah I know, I have questioned God’s existence many times. Every time things don’t go my way actually. However, in this moment, when I feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the way He lights up the world, giving the world a way out of the darkness, I know He exists.  I can’t help but say out loud “God, I believe in you!”

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Ten miles after sunrise and I am thinking I should turn this car around. Face my demons for once instead of running away. I am just so tired. My brain is foggy.

Twenty miles past sunrise and I wake up with the car flipping over and over. What the heck? I must’ve fallen asleep. I come to a stop upside down in a ditch. I can’t get out and I know no one is around. I picked the most desolate place to drive, to escape my life. I smell the gasoline and I see the fire start. I know I’m going to die.

I see two men a short distance away. One dressed in red, the other in white. They look like they are in a heated argument. Don’t they see me? Help!!!, I start to scream. I see the man in white look my way. I know him from somewhere, but my head is spinning.  He says one last thing to the man in red and walks my way.

He reaches for my hand and I grab his.

The radio plays Broken Things by Matthew West.

If grace was a kingdom
I stopped at the gate
Thinking I don’t deserve to pass through after all the mistakes that I’ve made

Oh but I heard a whisper
As Heaven bent down
Said, “Child, don’t you know that the first will be last and the last get a crown”

Now I’m just a beggar in the presence of a King
I wish I could bring so much more
But if it’s true You use broken things
Then here I am Lord, I’m all Yours

The pages of history they tell me it’s true
That it’s never the perfect; it’s always the ones with the scars that You use

It’s the rebels and the prodigals; it’s the humble and the weak
All the misfit heroes You chose
Tell me there’s hope for sinners like me

Now I’m just a beggar in the presence of a King
I wish I could bring so much more
But if it’s true You use broken things
Then here I am Lord, I’m all Yours

Grace is a kingdom
With gates open wide
There’s a seat at the table just waiting for you
So, come on inside

Image result for bible verse on about ready to die

Broken Things by Matthew West – 

Mercy Meets My Pain by Seventh Day Slumber – 

Every Mile Mattered by Nichole Nordeman – 

You Still Love Me by James Fortune – 

I Wouldn’t Love Me by James Fortune (feat Kierra Sheard) – 

Grace Like Rain by Todd Agnew – 

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