Have you ever wondered who you are and what you are put on this earth to do? I have those questions also, but one thing I have always taken solace in is that I know who I am. Even if I do not like myself sometimes. I put a little bit of me in all my stories, poems and songs but to put myself completely out there is scary but here goes nothing.
I am not a democrat or republican. I am an American. As in introvert, I naturally observe more than I speak. I look at all sides and make a logical decisions based on the facts and common sense.
The color of my skin is white, but that does not define who I am. My dna and family tell me I am part Native American, Irish, German, Scandinavian.
I am from a small town near the Appalachia Mountains. I am the first person from all sides of my family to go to and graduate from college.
I was raised to respect authority. I will never beat a woman or a child. I will never run from the police. I will never riot or steal. I will never do drugs. I will never sex traffic anyone. If I see something that is wrong, I will stand up for what is right.
I watched my parents struggle at times, financially, personally and in their marriage. I watched how they worked hard and persevered. I watched their mistakes and defeats. I watched what they did well and their victories. I chose what to do with all that and added to it how they and other family members raised me and I became my own person.
I am a husband and a father. At times, I think I’m good at both. Most times, I feel like I fail at both.
I am a son, brother, grandpa, nephew and uncle. I know I fail at all these.
I like to write and have a lot to say but when it comes to social situations or making/keeping friends, I am at a total loss of words. I fail at this.
But, none of those things are who I am.
I’ve made mistakes. Lots of them. I’ve been defeated. I’ve yelled at God. I’ve learned from my mistakes. And yet, somehow, I still repeat some of them. I’ve picked myself up off the ground and I’ve tasted victory. I’ve thanked God. I’ve forgiven and been forgiven.
I’ve been cheated on, lied to, used, abused, and dealt with racism. Just because I’m white, does not mean racism does not exist toward me. But none of those things have changed who I am.
I have been kind when others have been mean. I have loved when others have hated. I’ve been appreciative while others have been critical. I have been hopeful when others have been hopeless. And at times, I’ve been the others.
But what shapes me is all the above. The good, the bad, the ugly. All of it has helped me become the man I am today. It is the choices I make . It is the integrity that I have. It is my moral compass. It is my character. This world will not change me. This world does not define me. The choices I make help me stay on the road I am on. I do not let circumstances bring me down. I wish I could change some of the things I have done and I wish I could change some of the things that have been done to me but if any of those things changed, maybe I wouldn’t be where I am today.
I know what I am and what I am not. I will try to be better at what I am and never be what I am not.
But, here is the truth about who I am.
I am a child of God and I believe that I am loved and forgiven.
Nobody by Casting Crowns –
Who You Say I Am by Hillsong Worship –
Child Of Love by We The Kingdom –
Child Of God by Crowder –