It was a difficult time. I knew that she was not being herself. I knew the enemy had attacked and she didn’t fight him.
I told God, I told the devil, whoever would listen that I am stronger than she is. Take the demon from her and put it in me. Release her and let me deal with it.
I don’t cuss. I don’t scream. Most of the time nothing bothers me. I just let it roll right on off and go on with life. Yes, I get discouraged when I am taken advantage of, over and over and over. But life goes on. Stay the course. I tell you this because you need to understand the change that happened when I invited the demon into me.
The change was immediate. I felt like a different person. I could feel the tension inside of me. I turned into a person that screams, yells, and cusses. She deserves every bit of it for what she did. I don’t need her so let’s beat her down until she can’t get up. She did this, not me.
I looked in the mirror and the eyes looking back were not mine. I could see him in there. I knew he was there. He knew I knew. A small sinister smile appeared. You asked for me to be here so here I am.
It was a battle between who I am and who he is. Sometimes the angels won, sometimes the devil won. Sometimes I didn’t care who won.
Sometimes I even enjoyed him being there. No more Mr. Nice Guy. No more kind heart. Be the bad guy they all want anyway.
But I can’t be the bad guy. As hard as it tried, it’s just not who I am. It is who he is. Telling me things, telling me I need to do this or do that. I fought it.
I could eventually feel him come at all hours of the day and night. I would feel my eyes shift and I knew he was there. It would be like blinking and the world just looked different. He was the one looking from behind my eyes, not me. I would wake up sweating but my teeth were chattering because I was freezing. I would start shaking, like I was having a seizure, in middle of the day.
Where did he go when he wasn’t in me? Or was he always there and the angels just kept him subdued? If that’s the case, did the angels leave me to deal with this on my own? I don’t know.
I had to get control.
I could not take it anymore. God take this from me. Silence. I guess I did ask for it. Maybe I was not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe I still am not that strong.
I went to a Christian counselor to see if this was just in my head or what was going on. She suggest we do this rapid eye sensory thing, something they use for PTSD cases. Anything was worth a shot.
Holy crap, I will never doubt counseling again. I could see the demons face, he told me his name. It was like he was sitting right beside me. It gives me chills just talking about it now. After a few treatments, and since I now knew its name, I asked it to leave. Amazingly, it did.
That was five years ago.
I finished brushing my teeth yesterday and looked in the mirror. To my surprise, he was looking back at me, then he smiled his sinister smile.
Oh no! was my first thought. I didn’t ask you to come back here. What are you doing here? Then I thought, I don’t even care. I am too tired to fight it.
I just stood there looking at myself, and not myself was looking back, smiling.
I resigned myself to this is how it is going to be. I must well give up. But then I saw a flash of light in the mirror behind me.
I knew the angel was back also. I was not alone. I would not have to fight this alone. I will fight this.
I will fight.
Goodnight Good Guy by Collective Soul –
My Demons by Starset –
Don’t Give Up by Calling Glory –
I Am Not Alone by Kari Jobe –
Oh Lord by Lauren Daigle –
A Fight I Must Win by Arch Enemy –