It’s All About Me – (How a conversation with Kylie made me think)
Before I start I just want to add I know it is important to have me time. It’s important to be able to wind down after work, to exercise, to write, to read, whatever you do that takes care of yourself. Even Jesus went by himself to have some me time. It’s when those me times become all the time or you ignore others in your life. Sometimes I don’t want to go toss ball with Kylie when I get home but if she comes out, I play. I want her to remember the times I said yes and not the times I said no.
On my days off Kylie and I always wake each other up. We then go downstairs and I grab a water and she turns on Cake Boss. I sit with her for a minute then I go to work on my blog. The Cake Boss episodes are all reruns so I didn’t think it was a big deal if I was with Kylie or not. Little did I know.
Some nights while we are watching the shows we watch together I will get out my tablet and jot down some ideas or start writing something that pops in my head. No biggie right, we are stil right beside each other watching our shows like we always do. Little did I know.
Thursday night Kylie was eating strawberry shortcake in the living room and she spilled it on the couch. She yelled for me to come in and my first reaction was “Kylie how did this happen and why are you eating in the living room!” I didn’t think I yelled but I could tell by her face that I came across harsh. She then said we just ate strawberry shortcake in the living room last night. Point Kylie- because we did. I caught what I did and within seconds I apologized to her and said it wasn’t a big deal just get a wet rag and a dry rag and we will clean it up. I even made a joke that it was all milk, no strawberries. What did you do, save the strawberries for the next one? She laughed. End of discussion right? Wrong.
Fast forward to Sunday night. Kylie is training for her first quarter marathon at the end of August. Her bff Brinley is also doing it and training with Kylie. We are on the week of three mile run, which Kylie has done probably thirty times before. She has ran alot of 5k’s. Anyway our last few runs she hasn’t been herself and I yell out her to encourage her. Come on Kylie, what’s up with that stride, you must well be walking. C’mon Kylie, what’s going on with you, you are never this far back. Looking at it in writing I can tell it isn’t encouraging but that’s what I was trying to do.
Sunday night Brinley and I were out in front and Kim was with Kylie, because Kylie was going slow again, and Kim was even asking her what was wrong. This isn’t like you to complain when you run, your stride is off, etc… Finally Kylie broke down and started to cry.
Anyway she spilled the beans to Kim. She said how she doesn’t like me blogging in the mornings – I didn’t think it was a big deal since she was watching Cake Boss. She doesn’t like me on my tablet at night because that just used to be me and her time and now I don’t even pay attention to the shows – I do but I can see her point. She doesn’t like me yelling at her when she is running – again I thought I was encouraging. She brought up how I yelled at her for spilling the strawberry shortcake – no mention of my apology or making a joke of it. She told Kim she wanted her to talk to me about it so Kim did.
Wow, I didn’t know. In Kylie’s eyes, I was doing what I wanted to do. I was doing all about me. (even though I thought I was still spending time with her.)
Kylie and I talked and I told her if she ever feels that way that she needs to talk right there and then. Don’t let it stay in her. I then asked her why she didn’t mention the apology and joke on the strawberry shortcake. She said she didn’t remember those.
Lessons for dads : It’s the yelling the children remember, not what comes after. Take a look at your own life. Do you remember more when you were yelled at and bad things happened to you or do you remember the good things? Think before you speak, think before you act, love before you anger and hate. Quality time. Children want more of your undivided, attention all on them Time more than anything. Do you say yes or no more. When you are with your children are you constantly checking your phone -I have failed recently. Are you too busy thinking about your day at work or what is going to happen tomorrow to hear the conversation your child is talking to you about now? Time lost is time you will never get back.
Even though I try to do my best, I mess up. I’m only human.
Thanks Kylie for opening my eyes to my faults. I will pray to do better.
How do you want to be remembered in your children’s eyes? How do you want this world to remember you? I was here and I did what I wanted or I was here and I gave my life to serving others?
Remembered by BBoss –
He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli –
Emotionless by Good Charlotte –
Cat’s In The Cradle by Harry Chapin –
Walk A Little Straighter by Billy Currington –
For The Love of A Daughter by Demi Lovato –
New Man by All Things New –
Face It by NF –
Human by Christina Perri –
I Was Here by Beyonce –
I Was Here by Lady Antebellum –
Price Tag by Jessie J –